Anniversaries... Living on the Streets

 

Anniversary Editions...

Living on the Streets

Twenty-Second Anniversary on the Streets

Life without Parole is what it feels like being forced to live

as a Permanent Resident on the streets. A Residence not of my

choosing, and much like prison, I was forced out here, but it

was not through my actions that put me here, but rather

through and by the actions of a Despicable landlord, whose

illegal activities has punished me for what he did.

I am forced to pay the consequences of his actions against

me. And that price has devastated my life, my health, who I

am as a person. And has changed me in ways that I never

wanted to. Your life literally ceases to exist living on

the streets. Support, Love, Connection, Community....

all vanish from your life, that is if you ever had it to begin

with. Finding out how to BE when you are not allowed to

even be Present. You find out what True Discrimination

and Harassment is from personal experience.

Life becomes Unimaginable, Unlivable, Unsustainable.

Living in the Raw every moment of every day and

all through the night. Your Life and History being

erased before your very eyes. Yet, all your personal

information repeatedly taken from you at every turn.

Your life becomes nothing more than your digits,

and nothing more.

This Century, this Entire Century has been spent

outside, on the streets, without the safety and comfort of

a home. Nearly a Quarter of a Century Outside.

22 Years and counting.... Heading into my 23^rd Winter and

Holiday Season. Wiping out nearly half my life in the process.

As the colder temperatures start coming through, cleaning

up takes on a more challenging role... having to wash up

in Icy Cold waters in the Freezing temperatures.

Another Anniversary of life on the streets. And another

year I do not look forward to attending. Echoes of

life can no longer be felt. The streets consuming

my very existence. And one of the Worst things about

being forced to live outside is the constant threat and

presence of Cops... they are not there to help when anything

happens, but to make sure you know your very presence is not

welcome no matter where you are. And every interaction

is Unconstitutionally recorded, Unlawfully recorded, Unethically

recorded. Against my will and without my consent, they record

and video every movement, every word, every action...

Knowing FULL well I pose no threat. A physically challenged

Homeless Female, whose only crime is that of Being Present.

So as the Days, Weeks, Months, Years and DECADES

pass living on the street, looking forward to anything has

ceased altogether. Another Anniversary, the 22^nd one, when

there never should have been a Single one.

I have never fit the Stereo-typical, Commercialized version

of what a Homeless person is “Supposed” to be like...

But unfortunately, that is the Image that all the Service

Providers look for, and have all the “Help and Support” for.

But they do not have the services needed for those who do

not fit in that role; I do not drink, or smoke, or use drugs.

I am not an Illegal Immigrant or have Dependent Children.

They only focus on the Problem(s), which only make

things much worse and amplified a Million-fold.

Years, and years and years... slipped by without notice, without

warning. Just G O N E!! As one Anniversary quickly turned

into TWENTY-TWO just like that. And Still counting...

Anniversaries on the Street...

 

A Community Of HOPE.. Birthday Blessings

 

 

A Community of Hope..

Birthday Dreams and Blessings...

As this is my 21^st Birthday outside, on the streets... Birthdays

are not Something I look forward to, much like Holidays on the

streets. And this birthday was no exception. But it has turned

into a month, and year, of blessings and gifts brought my way.

Birthday Notes...

Another Birthday Year on the Streets

Twenty-one Birthdays now outside. Twenty-first Birthday of life

on the streets. Not something that gives me cause to Celebrate.

Living on the streets is not the gift I would hope to receive,

and not one I would wish for.

But I have so much to be grateful for... so many Gifts of Love

brought to my life and to my heart, time and time again.

So many of the Community have reached out to offer support,

so many have shown they cared and that I Matter.

Especially after the Police Department Forced me to leave,

after giving me Permission to be where I was. The Community

stepped up to the Plate in a Huge way.

Most of this year has been on foot when the vehicle I

received as a Donation, that would at the very

least, finally give me a roof over my head, broke down,

leaving me stranded, quite literally, on the freeway.

But the Community rallied around me and helped

in ways I could never repay. They helped to restore

my mobility and get my vehicle running, once more.

It still has issues, but it is Running... and I can move it when

I need to, which allows me to take care of some personal business, be

able to get to some appointments, take care of needs and essentials,

for the most part. And that alone is a tremendous blessing

and something I am deeply grateful for.

Along with helping me so much with my vehicle, the community

has reached out even further with extending me offers

to house sit and pet sit while they are away for a few days,

here and there. Trusting me because of the way their dogs

respond to me. I met most, if not all of the community,

because of their dogs, who insisted on coming to say hi

to me. Animals are excellent people readers, and people

trust their pets' insticnts... and in turn, trust me as a result.

I don't take that lightly. And am deeply honored and grateful

for all the help I have received. I found out Angels are REAL,

and do exist. And these Angels presented themselves as a

Community. A Community of Love, Support, Healing...

And not only has the Community stepped up and offered so

much help, but other neighboring Police Departments found out

how I was treated by the one who forced me to leave and

offered refuge in their cities, giving me permission to stay

and be left alone. And the Community continues to

reach out to me.. Offering House Sits and Pet Sitting

opportunities with greater frequency and allowing me to park

in their driveways and in front of their Homes when the need arises

and the cops force me to leave for just being present. When I am

doing nothing wrong, not breaking any laws,

not harming anyone, just minding my own

business, usually reading or writing...

The Community has awakened the Beauty of who most

people are at their Core. People filled with Heart,People who care

and want to help. But that has not been my experience for most

of my residency on the streets. But thanks to this Community,

they have made this a Memorial Birthday year.

This Birthday, and year, is a Treasured Gift!

 

Life on the Streets... The New Way of Living

Life on the Streets... A New Way of Living

The way you live and how and in what capacity life is lived changes

completely when you are forced to live on the street. How you eat, bathe,

sleep... everything, is different. And you have to learn how to live without being

allowed to actually live. Your life no longer resembles life. You have to

re-learn how to live on every level. You have to learn a whole

new way of life and how to live. Everything about your life

changes and in all you do.

Sleep being continually disturbed by the super blinding white lights that

law enforcement shines and direct right in your face, directly in the eyes.

Being so cruelly and rudely awakened throughout the night for just

being present. It's hard enough getting any rest being on the

streets, and then disturbed further by the lights. Sleep deprivation

causes excessive health issues, and then having your vision damaged

from having your eyes blasted with super bright white glaring light

for decades has not only caused visual disturbances,

but has caused permanent damage to my vision.

Healing from anything takes much longer, when or if it happens

at all, because you have no place to just BE, where your body is

allowed the time and space to heal. Your body cannot and

does not receive the rest and nutrition it needs to be healthy.

You find yourself running on Fumes... that stretches into

DECADES. Eating is very sporadic, at best, non-existent,

at worst. Life on the streets is unsustainable to Health and

Wellbeing. And the fact that those of us forced to live on the

streets are exposed to absolutely Everything, our bodies need

the defenses up strong, but when your body is missing the key

ingredients it needs to Function properly and fight off

all the viruses and bad bacteria all around, it takes an

excessively hard toll on your entire being. Because

Survival is the gear your body lives in, every

moment of the day and all through the night.

Life on the streets is nothing at all compared to life as most people

experience it. There is nothing similar, nothing familiar, nothing comfortable.

It's like living and being on an Alien planet, everything is Foreign and

you have to learn how to live in a completely different capacity,

in a strange, inhospitable environment. Life on the streets

is an entirely new way of living, which isn't living

in any sense of the word, but rather barely existing

around the periphery of Life...

of Humanity.

There is no direction or path to follow. The rules change continuously

without warning, and each day and night are at once the same and

completely different. Never knowing what to expect or what will happen.

We are the shadowy figures, that have turned into Living Statutes and Icons...

The protection of a Home is no longer part of life, your life, when you

live on the streets. Privacy is completely erased from your life in every regard.

Becoming the most watched Movie showing at the Public's Cinema,

where admission to the Public is always Free, at our expense. Your life is

stripped bare, leaving you fully exposed and in the open in ways you could

never imagine. Living completely Raw... And learning the Alien

language of living on the streets.

Living on the streets you find you are no longer considered a living,

feeling Human Being, but rather seen, and more often than not treated,

like trash, debris and sewage remnants... And Life no longer has the

feeling of Life. Life becomes MOOT, and every moment turns into Survival,

instead of Planning and Scheduling, you find yourself searching

for safety, searching for food, searching for help, searching

for protection and a safe place to just BE. A place to Rest, a

place to Heal, a place to be able to LIVE LIFE.

Days lose meaning, Life has no purpose, no direction, no Value...

Every day starts to feel just like the ones before it, and before that,

and before that. Life takes on an immediacy that it never had before.

Always present and always on guard, every moment of the day and

all through the night. You become witness to what no one should.

You see things, experience things that are not meant to be seen,

experienced and witnessed yet becomes common place.

Witnessing and experiencing “Life” on every level,

The cruel undersides of Humanity...

the Needs, the Desperation, the Anger, the Violence,

the Mentally Unbalanced and highly Unstable.

You learn to see without seeing... you learn to hear without hearing.

Because there is no one around to help. Protection is only

afforded to those who have the luxury of a Real home.

You learn to stop reaching out. You learn to stop caring.

A Very Seasoned Life... Holiday and Winter Season 2021

A Very Seasoned Life....

22 Seasons … 22 Winter and Holiday Seasons

of Life.... Living on the streets

Entering into the Holiday and Winter Season of 2021. And the starts

of my 22^ndWinter and Holiday Season OUTSIDE, living on the streets.

Forced to live in the raw brutality of being outside 24/7 from the turn

of the Century continues and the History being erased along the way.

Twenty-Two Seasons living in and through the Shadow Box of Life, of

Humanity. Seasoned and Simmered Season after endless season....

of Dashed Hopes, Empty Promises...living in the ruins of Society.

This is supposed to be the most Festive and greatest time of the year....

but living and breathing the streets for so long, I feel no excitement

about the Winter and Holiday Season currently underway.

Another Holiday Season that is Subdued... The Excitement

not lifting the air with the electric pulse as it used to and is once

again muted because of the Manufactured Pandemic and Forced Covid

Injections, along with the never-ending “Variants” while aggressively pushing

“Boosters” forcefully and continuing imposed restrictions; must receive

all the injections in order to be allowed into Life.... anywhere

and for everything. To do anything, to go anywhere;

Dining, movies, events (Concerts, Fair, Clubs, Parties, Gyms,

Gatherings of any kind),

Any place and every place where people are...

we are forced to get the Covid Injections, then required to

show Proof of Injections, Everywhere. I Refuse.

Life was already limited on the streets, now completely OFF LIMITS

for even the barest essentials. No longer allowed to live, in any

regard. Life has become unsustainable, unlivable, untenable.

It has become a stew of Hate and Contempt, that is Unforgiving,

Harsh and every word and action has to be fake, inauthentic...

and Politically Correct.

Leaving the Festive Holiday air Deflated and Muted. The

Vibrancy removed, the Festive feel no longer there.

But Holidays are just days, like all the rest.

Spent exactly like all the rest; alone, outside.

The only thing about the Season that affects me, is the weather

and Life, or the remains of what had once been a life.

When your life is cast off to the wayside like trash and debris,

and the Services that are supposed to be there, are non-existent,

Hope Shrivels and the lights Dim.... While the Echoes of Humanity

diminish further into the Peripheral abyss.

Holidays, Seasons, Birthday.... No matter the day, or time of year,

it all feels the same, regardless. But on the Holidays, finding open,

available restrooms to use and cleanup in become more of a

challenge, as well as finding food to eat when most, if not all

places are CLOSED.

Hardships remain, no matter the time of year. And being outside

24/7, makes those much more pronounced. Survival becomes

your Default mode, every moment of day and all throughout the night.

Being on high alert and not being able to let your guard down.

Life is different when it's lived Outside. Having to take everything

into account; Weather, Safety, Food, Shelter, what is open,

what is closed, restroom access and availability; plus, so much

more that consumes life in every regard.

Holidays just make that harder to complete.

The Devastating Toll living on the streets has on your body, your life,

your health and spirit.... is incomprehensible. It leaves scars that will

never heal, like permanent stains that cannot be removed.

Twenty-two Holiday Seasons, twenty-two Winter Seasons...

that is how long I have been on the streets and counting.

With untold more to follow in its wake. That is how long I have

been forced to live, or rather merely exist behind the fumes

of Humanity, on the streets, outside 24/7, without a home.

Family Traditions, visiting friends and family, food, conversation....

None of that holds when your life is on the streets. It becomes a

Tradition of ONE, no visitations (aside from Law Enforcement),

there are no friends or family or warmth... no food (Not in the

traditional sense of what Holiday Food includes...), and

conversations are usually one-sided. Mine, I share with my

notebook and pen, and the many of Nature's Beautiful

furry and feathered friends She brings my way.

But life on the streets has its own nuances.

You are surrounded in Surround Sound, every

moment, of Nature's Chorus.

22 Seasons of having my Hopes lifted, then crushed and Deflated... time

and again. 22 Seasons of living on the edge of Life, in the truest sense.

22 Seasons of being Deserted, Discarded and Forgotten about. 22 Seasons of

unanswered prayers. 22 Seasons of the Unforgiving elements and the hard,

cold ground forever awaiting my presence to resume in the space.

22 Seasons removed from my life.... Taken from me. Time that

I was denied Living in a real, substantial capacity.

Life, my life, shredded into unrecognizable shards, where

threads and particles are all that is left, where there once had

been a living, feeling human being. Now, nothing more than the

sum of what was left behind, taken by force, stolen, ruined and

destroyed. A life in tatters, from the continual

storms of the brutality of life.

Twenty-two Seasons of Living on the Streets.

Seasons of DECADES of Life without a Home.

Holidays 2021

Thanksgiving 2021... On the Streets

A Note of Thanks.... Giving and Feeling

Gratitude Living on the Streets.

Thanksgiving 2021...

This is my 22^nd Thanksgiving without a home, without

any Inclusion for Thanksgiving; No invites, no Family

or friends to share it with, or Food to nourish my body.

But I have much to be grateful for, nonetheless. I have survived

Decades without a Home. Decades of not getting the rest or

nutrition my body needs. I have survived, lived through and endured

the worst of Humanity, while also being on the receiving end, on rare

occasion, of true Humanity and the healing balm of love and kindness.

Thankfully, the endless harassment I was on the receiving end of

for so long by Law Enforcement for just being present has lessened

considerably, and allowed to just BE, though there are many

occasions where my presence rubs people with the pricey homes and

all the accoutrements they have amassed for the show... still calls

the Police to “Remove that from our Sight...” encounters.

But those have lessened, as well.

I have access to a few restrooms to take care of personal

business (albeit, on the Public Movie Screen), at least during

the day. I have Mobility now in the form of a Vehicle, that puts

a roof over my head now (even though it rains inside the vehicle

whenever it rains Outside), but gives me the safety and protection

I have not had for so long. I am deeply grateful to have mobility,

safety and restroom access to help take care of the barest essentials.

Gratitude fills my heart. Nature's Embrace has helped

tremendously spending another

Holiday Season outside without a home.

As the Decades roll by, and the years add up, finding things to

be truly grateful for are becoming harder to find and fewer to

acknowledge, but I am deeply grateful to finally have some

form of Protection from the elements through the ice covered

nights and mornings, from the harsh, high-powered

winds and(mostly) from the rains. Gratitude.... Just so

Thankful to have all I have.

Thanksgiving 2021