Closing the Year..2022
As this year comes to a close, I cannot say it will be
a missed year. It has truly been a mixed year of Blessings.
It has been a really Raw year, overall. With bits of
good tossed into the mix here and there. And so,
so very draining, especially financially.
It's been A difficult year, to say the least. Beyond
Challenging in every regard. And with this being
my 23rd Winter and Holiday season outside, on the
streets, life has become all consuming and all
absorbing merely existing on the streets, living around
the periphery of life and society, a moving shadow.
For most of this year, my vehicle was not running,
so I was on foot. I was given permission to stay where
I was by the Pleasanton Police Department, who then Forced
me to leave shortly after, claiming to have received “Dozens and
Dozens of Complaints about me”... When I was not even there,
my vehicle parked correctly, out of the way, and not
bothering anyone and the police force me to leave, to preserve
their Superficiality for the Soccer Crowd that the police
department bow down to and allow them to control
how the city looks and presents itself.
Instead of helping, the police just made things
tremendously worse. Having no money to repair my vehicle,
and the police department offering no help or support,
the community around me reached out to help get my vehicle
moveable again, which I am so deeply grateful for their help and
support. None of the so-called Service Organization would help,
no matter how many times I reached out to them. I received
nothing but silence from them, and LIES from the police.
My Respect and Trust with the Pleasanton Police Department
has been completely destroyed by their actions and them
not standing behind their promises of help and support,
not standing behind what they say they would do, then
making accusations against me when I reached out
for the support and help they were offering and them
changing what they said, even though I have proof
of the help and support they were claiming to
offer through emails and texts.
Then they unlawfully, unethically and unconstitutionally
recorded me, a private citizen, when they came over to
force me to leave, after giving me permission to be where
I was, under the guise of it being for the Officers' “Safety”,
when they know I pose no threat. I requested, repeatedly,
that they not record me, which they ignored.
Taking away my rights in the process.
Life made even more challenging having to contend with the
excessively high and Extreme increase of Inflation, which is
making life Unsustainable in every regard. The out of control
price increases that continue to spiral up... up... up with no
end in sight. Taking care of even the most basic
necessities becomes an extreme challenge.
Unsustainable living that has become a burden... and has
become the norm; having to choose what to purchase; food or
gas or personal hygiene or...whatever else is needed,
which then becomes a Luxury.
This year has been rough and sharp-sworded.
But there has also been so much to be grateful for.
Like having a vehicle now that offers some protection
from the inclement weather and elements, so I am not
directly in it, but it rains inside the vehicle around all the
door frames, the driver side being the worst, of course.
And I am grateful for the Mobility I now have that has
been restored and for the safety my vehicle affords me.
I am So grateful to have the roof over my head,
though not a dry one in the rain, I have a ROOF.
Granted, a Mobile roof... that moves with me, but
still a roof over my head. So that makes this winter
season slightly easier to bear in some ways, harder
and much more challenging in other ways, having no
heat or air and with the additional expenses the vehicle
requires that I have no help with and on a very fixed,
limited income to take care of it all; GAS, Tags, License,
SMOG, Registration, Insurance, Repairs and the like.
The weather has turned on end... stormy weather
for the past month, ending the year in heavy, hard
rains and wind that has been non-stop and constant,
ending the year under the weather and the New Year
is carrying it over and continuing where 2022
ended off, 2023 is picking up and starting with,
already under the weather as the New Year begins.
Having to be out in it, 24/7, even inside my vehicle,
is a hard toll. Limits where I can go with so many
places being flooded from the continual, non-stop
Atmospheric Rivers that have been running
endlessly overhead, turning every place
into lakes and rivers where driving is
greatly decreased and walking not an option.
Living on the streets is the true meaning of Hardship.
Another year that will not be missed. And more of
my life and history being erased. The physical challenges,
especially being physically challenged and female,
the heavy financial drain... being forced to live
outside, without a home, indefinitely...
certainly not the life I imagined.
Life on the streets is brimming with Darkness.
And living on the streets... Decade after DECADE,
your spirits plummet and spiral down into
Unfathomable Depths...
Finding light in the Depths.... slivers come through.
How do you give thanks and be grateful being
forced to live indefinitely as a permanent resident
on the streets? Finding Grace begins with becoming a
Silent Witness instead of a reactive participant. Being filled
with gratitude when those rare hidden treasures of
Human Angels invite you into their home to do some
laundry, or ask you to house or pet sit while they are away,
a few days, trusting you with their treasures as you care for
what they treasure. That is what has helped so much
as this year closes. The community that has reached
out to me to offer help and support.
They have been my Silver Lining.
So I remind myself to keep breathing, in and out,
in and out. Every moment throughout the day
and each night. Focusing on the light.
This year is finally coming to a close and it cannot
end fast enough. Cannot say I am looking forward
to the New Year, but I know this year is not one
that will be missed at all. So may the New Year
unfold in surprising, supportive ways that
give me reason to B R E A T H E.
