A Community Of HOPE.. Birthday Blessings

 

 

A Community of Hope..

Birthday Dreams and Blessings...

As this is my 21^st Birthday outside, on the streets... Birthdays

are not Something I look forward to, much like Holidays on the

streets. And this birthday was no exception. But it has turned

into a month, and year, of blessings and gifts brought my way.

Birthday Notes...

Another Birthday Year on the Streets

Twenty-one Birthdays now outside. Twenty-first Birthday of life

on the streets. Not something that gives me cause to Celebrate.

Living on the streets is not the gift I would hope to receive,

and not one I would wish for.

But I have so much to be grateful for... so many Gifts of Love

brought to my life and to my heart, time and time again.

So many of the Community have reached out to offer support,

so many have shown they cared and that I Matter.

Especially after the Police Department Forced me to leave,

after giving me Permission to be where I was. The Community

stepped up to the Plate in a Huge way.

Most of this year has been on foot when the vehicle I

received as a Donation, that would at the very

least, finally give me a roof over my head, broke down,

leaving me stranded, quite literally, on the freeway.

But the Community rallied around me and helped

in ways I could never repay. They helped to restore

my mobility and get my vehicle running, once more.

It still has issues, but it is Running... and I can move it when

I need to, which allows me to take care of some personal business, be

able to get to some appointments, take care of needs and essentials,

for the most part. And that alone is a tremendous blessing

and something I am deeply grateful for.

Along with helping me so much with my vehicle, the community

has reached out even further with extending me offers

to house sit and pet sit while they are away for a few days,

here and there. Trusting me because of the way their dogs

respond to me. I met most, if not all of the community,

because of their dogs, who insisted on coming to say hi

to me. Animals are excellent people readers, and people

trust their pets' insticnts... and in turn, trust me as a result.

I don't take that lightly. And am deeply honored and grateful

for all the help I have received. I found out Angels are REAL,

and do exist. And these Angels presented themselves as a

Community. A Community of Love, Support, Healing...

And not only has the Community stepped up and offered so

much help, but other neighboring Police Departments found out

how I was treated by the one who forced me to leave and

offered refuge in their cities, giving me permission to stay

and be left alone. And the Community continues to

reach out to me.. Offering House Sits and Pet Sitting

opportunities with greater frequency and allowing me to park

in their driveways and in front of their Homes when the need arises

and the cops force me to leave for just being present. When I am

doing nothing wrong, not breaking any laws,

not harming anyone, just minding my own

business, usually reading or writing...

The Community has awakened the Beauty of who most

people are at their Core. People filled with Heart,People who care

and want to help. But that has not been my experience for most

of my residency on the streets. But thanks to this Community,

they have made this a Memorial Birthday year.

This Birthday, and year, is a Treasured Gift!

 

Thanksgiving 2021... On the Streets

A Note of Thanks.... Giving and Feeling

Gratitude Living on the Streets.

Thanksgiving 2021...

This is my 22^nd Thanksgiving without a home, without

any Inclusion for Thanksgiving; No invites, no Family

or friends to share it with, or Food to nourish my body.

But I have much to be grateful for, nonetheless. I have survived

Decades without a Home. Decades of not getting the rest or

nutrition my body needs. I have survived, lived through and endured

the worst of Humanity, while also being on the receiving end, on rare

occasion, of true Humanity and the healing balm of love and kindness.

Thankfully, the endless harassment I was on the receiving end of

for so long by Law Enforcement for just being present has lessened

considerably, and allowed to just BE, though there are many

occasions where my presence rubs people with the pricey homes and

all the accoutrements they have amassed for the show... still calls

the Police to “Remove that from our Sight...” encounters.

But those have lessened, as well.

I have access to a few restrooms to take care of personal

business (albeit, on the Public Movie Screen), at least during

the day. I have Mobility now in the form of a Vehicle, that puts

a roof over my head now (even though it rains inside the vehicle

whenever it rains Outside), but gives me the safety and protection

I have not had for so long. I am deeply grateful to have mobility,

safety and restroom access to help take care of the barest essentials.

Gratitude fills my heart. Nature's Embrace has helped

tremendously spending another

Holiday Season outside without a home.

As the Decades roll by, and the years add up, finding things to

be truly grateful for are becoming harder to find and fewer to

acknowledge, but I am deeply grateful to finally have some

form of Protection from the elements through the ice covered

nights and mornings, from the harsh, high-powered

winds and(mostly) from the rains. Gratitude.... Just so

Thankful to have all I have.

Thanksgiving 2021

Decades Pasts... And Counting

 

 

Decades Past...

Life in the Review Living on the Streets

20 Years of Life, or rather the merest hint of what had been a Life.

Shelled out and Shadowed in form and existence.

Heading into my 21^st Holiday and Winter Season, while living

in the worst Decade of the worst year in our History, as our lives are

pawned off and removed, all for Political gain at our expense.

All of our Inherent rights, our Constitutional Rights, the Amendments,

Our Freedoms, Our Civil Liberties, Our God given right to Breathe....

all of it has been forcibly removed from our lives.

21 Holiday and Winter Seasons on the streets... with an untold more to

follow in its wake. That's how long I have been forced to live, or rather

merely exist behind and underneath the Fumes of Humanity.

Our Health, Our Immunity, Our Well-Being.... and Our very Lives....

Our Bodies and Our Lives are not Government Issue.

Yet, they have finally achieved what they have been wanting

to do for a real long time now, and that is taking

total and complete control over our lives and how we live.

Everything we do, everywhere we go.... all now extensively

restricted. Where we go, what we eat, how we socialize and

interact with others.... Our very Humanity being wiped

from the face of the Earth in every regard.

Forcibly forbidden to live our lives in any meaningful way.

No longer allowed to live. No longer allowed to do anything or

go anywhere. Several months into the forced Lockdown, we are

still not allowed to move freely, or go where we need to go.

As my life on the streets continues to unfold.... each year

becoming worse than the ones before... and 2020 is turning into

the worst year in the history of our lives.  As more and more is

being restricted and forbidden for us to do, life itself is losing

its meaning and purpose. 2020 is a First of many things...

the first year of a new decade, the first year Life itself

has been cancelled indefinitely and everything in it, the

first year where our lives will never be the same.

Living in the center of the Orwellian Nightmare that never ends.

  Facing my 21st Winter and Holiday season on the streets.

One of the hardest things to deal with living on the streets, aside

from the harsh elements... Is having to clean up in icy cold water

in low temperatures...20s, 30s, and 40s. Waking covered in a thick

layer of frost, like frosting on a cake. Having to douse my head in water

that is much colder, than it is outside, like liquid ice, along with washing

my body in freezing water. Taking ice bathing to a whole new level. And

repeatedly having my oxygen and airflow forcibly taken from me all

year with the forced face masks that are suffocating and unbreatheable,

has been making things much worse to contend with,

especially in regards to my health.

Infections happening out of nowhere that won't heal, cuts,

scrapes, bruising happening with higher frequency, and sores that

stay open and raw as a direct result of oxygen deprivation, over

and over again. It's bad enough having to battle the effects of living

on the streets...being a physically challenged female and Being readily denied

proper rest and nutrition, now having to battle ever-increasing

health challenges as a direct result of Government imposed actions.

20 Years Now.... and Still

20 years now...September 1, 2020. Twenty years and counting without a home.

Twenty years plus forced to live on the streets... More than 2 DECADES.

And this year, the worst I have ever experienced.

The draining, soul emptying life outside. The excruciating pain taking up

residence in my right thumb radiating through my hand, wrist and

down my arm. My thumb massively swollen and pointing out from the pad in

a sharp triangle,  the pain is excruciating. The nail bed has a black line across my 

top of my thumb with the left side of the nail black and pale yellow with and ashy

color on the right side. My thumb is swollen and hard. 

 

Making my right hand unusable for anything. It is interfering with sleeping,

interfering with using the restroom, cleaning up, changing...even just sitting.

Feeling like my thumb is being smashed nonstop with spikes being jabbed

through in every angle, while being butchered at the same time.

This anniversary happens amidst the Pandemic (Plannedemic..?),

where the Government is destroying our Immunity. Forcing us to be

muzzled 24/7 in suffocating, unbreatheable face masks...and removing everything

that made life worth living...everything has been taken away...all self serve has been

eliminated; soup, salad, coffees, bulk items, sports, events. Millions of Private

businesses forced to close permanently, while none of the Government

Offices or businesses harmed at all. Forcing social isolation and distance,

barricading our lives from each other.

So with the Government taking control over our lives and the influx of health

issues that has come about as a direct result of the health damaging

mandates forced and imposed upon us and our lives, has

turned this year into a living nightmare. Decades on the streets; a

nightmare unto itself...then everything compiling on top of that. Truly

the WORST year I have ever experienced in any and all regard.

 

 

Life Happens...

Life Happens....

Life happens..... some good, some very, very bad. And sometimes, things fall in between.

I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had been welcome, instead of discarded.

Having a life that actually matters, one that I was wanted right from the start.... but life,

my life, did not start that way. Just the opposite. My life never should have been, my

birth should have never happened. But unfortunately, it did, and I am left forever

picking up the pieces left behind and discarded since. I know people

(Mistakenly believing we were friends, only to find I was nothing more than

a circumstance to them) whose lives have been deeply blessed every step of the way....

having multiple homes in different countries, travel the world over, many times over,

spending weeks and months on end at various places.

Their kids literally growing up on airplanes.

And then there are ones like me...... my life could not be more different in contrast.

Blessed rarely, having more bad luck than anything else in life. What would life have

been like if I had been treated as a friend, on a personal level, instead of just the

debris cast to the wayside and seen as only a circumstance and not a living,

breathing, feeling person???? How different would things be?

Would life hold any meaning? Would I want to be here???

Would life hold joy and love????

Things that have never been a part of my life that I can ever recall,

not in any meaningful way. Having a life where you are never once accepted

for who you are, as you are, not welcome wherever you go. I am making the best of a

bad situation I was forced into, time and again.

And no matter what I do, I am criticized, ridiculed, made fun of, laughed at., mocked.

And I wonder, time and again, why am I here??? To serve what purpose?

A Life punishment..... living on the streets, my life..... so really, what is the point?

Being sentenced for a crime you never committed.

I have died a million times over on the streets, and died a different kind of death

when I was forced to live my life on the streets. With a body that has continually and

completely turned against itself at every moment of my life, a life that is not worth the

mere existence it has become. My life and body has always felt like a cruel Joke of the

Universe, straight from God. A punishing curse than anything to cherish and be truly

grateful for. Living in excruciating pain every day of my life, my body never once working

like it is “supposed” to. Never once functioned like the books say it should. It does its own

thing with little regard to being attached to me. And the endless pain and grief that it has

wrought in its wake. Living in pain, barely existing around the edges of life...

Never once did I ever think or believe my life would be taken from me, eviscerated

of all that matters, then cast to the debris left behind in Humanity's wake.

But having spent nearly half my life, in the barest form of existence, on the streets....

life has changed in every way, means something entirely different when it is lived without a home,

or the comforts and security that affords. Time shifts, changes, and morphs into extending without end. 

 Days go by without realizing one has changed into the next..... years flash by without warning.

Time is lost track of, brought back, and lost again. Dates have no meaning,

as one is the same as the next, and the ones before.

The context of life takes on different textures and feels on the streets, that cannot be

experienced anywhere else. Life tastes different, looks different, feels different on the streets.

It changes you in ways you could never dream of, seeps so deeply and indelibly in and

through your entire being, and every cell and atom in your body.

Changes you in ways that cannot be erased.

Images burned into your vision that cannot be changed.

Experiencing things in life that would make the most hardened criminal flinch,

and yet it becomes second nature to those of us living without a home.

It is truly amazing what your body and mind become used to, just by being

exposed to, it time and again. And it becomes part of your life, and who you are as a person.

Living on the streets changes how you approach life, how you react, what you do...

in every way. It changes how you breathe, how you eat, how you sleep, how you clean up.

There is no part of your life unchanged from life on the streets.

Life on the Streets.... Detracts from Living.

Disillusionment of Life....

Disillusionment of Life….

Life….. the illusion continues.

They say we “are living the dream within a dream”.

Well, my life has been anything but a “dream”.

A brutal nightmarish hell, definitely….. a dream?

No. Only a very bad dream…. One that I have never been able to wake from.

Wondering what is going on in my parallel lives. Feels the same.

Feels like I have been living the exact same lifetime, over and over and over again….

And that is where the dis-allusion of life comes about---- living the same lifetime,

over and over and over without end, for eternity.

It wasn’t good the first several thousand times, so why does

the same horror show keep repeating in my life????

So ready to be done with it once and for all.

Illusions, Allusions, Dreams…..

So what is the point of Life?!

If life is but a Dream, albeit a very bad dream, why bother?

The devastation of life on the streets…

I cannot even begin to convey what you have to deal

and contend with living on the streets, as it goes much deeper than

not being able to eat properly, or regularly…

goes way beyond being constantly video-monitored and watched 24/7,

deeper than not having any privacy whatsoever to do your most private,

intimate things in public every moment….

It goes Much deeper.

Insects that you only ever found in expired cereals and rice…

becoming more and more frequent visitors to your mornings….

Devastating your heart…. Wondering how much further life could pull

and drag you down into depths you can never reach.

You learn living on the streets brings about the most unexpected

things into your life at any moment. And your body, heart, and soul

quickly adapting to even the most hellish of experiences,

no matter what that may be.

Blessed...

Blessed…

I am truly blessed.  Homeless,

 I don’t have a home, a bed, a kitchen,

a bathroom, and I live one the streets, but I am Blessed.

I am blessed to have access to the libraries

all around and the ability to check out materials with an

endless assortment of books to choose from, the use of computers,

scanner and printers…. I am Blessed.

I am Blessed to respect myself enough to not be “seen” as Homeless,

and then denied and refused assistance because I do not fit the part;

I do not look, smell, act or behave as a homeless person is scripted to be by society.

I am Blessed to share my days and nights with my furry and feathered friends,

my confidants and co-conspirators who nourish my heart and life like nothing else can.

I am Blessed to have a body that continues to carry the burden of life on the streets.

No, this isn’t the life I planned, but I am truly Blessed.

I am witness to Nature’s unfolding while watching the incredible sunsets and sunrises,

most mornings and evenings. Watching the colors being stroked across the skies

with the most perfect colors and brushes that bring the brilliance to the forefront,

which is breathtaking and immersive. Being present every moment,

feeling everything, seeing everything; becoming a part of the landscape in the truest sense…

blending in so fully and completely, you become invisible to society but fully

embraced by Nature and Her incredibly beautiful creatures that fill my life.

Counting Blessings everyday…

Though, most of time, it is the hardest challenge I have in my life,

finding those precious gems.