Life on the Streets... The New Way of Living

Life on the Streets... A New Way of Living

The way you live and how and in what capacity life is lived changes

completely when you are forced to live on the street. How you eat, bathe,

sleep... everything, is different. And you have to learn how to live without being

allowed to actually live. Your life no longer resembles life. You have to

re-learn how to live on every level. You have to learn a whole

new way of life and how to live. Everything about your life

changes and in all you do.

Sleep being continually disturbed by the super blinding white lights that

law enforcement shines and direct right in your face, directly in the eyes.

Being so cruelly and rudely awakened throughout the night for just

being present. It's hard enough getting any rest being on the

streets, and then disturbed further by the lights. Sleep deprivation

causes excessive health issues, and then having your vision damaged

from having your eyes blasted with super bright white glaring light

for decades has not only caused visual disturbances,

but has caused permanent damage to my vision.

Healing from anything takes much longer, when or if it happens

at all, because you have no place to just BE, where your body is

allowed the time and space to heal. Your body cannot and

does not receive the rest and nutrition it needs to be healthy.

You find yourself running on Fumes... that stretches into

DECADES. Eating is very sporadic, at best, non-existent,

at worst. Life on the streets is unsustainable to Health and

Wellbeing. And the fact that those of us forced to live on the

streets are exposed to absolutely Everything, our bodies need

the defenses up strong, but when your body is missing the key

ingredients it needs to Function properly and fight off

all the viruses and bad bacteria all around, it takes an

excessively hard toll on your entire being. Because

Survival is the gear your body lives in, every

moment of the day and all through the night.

Life on the streets is nothing at all compared to life as most people

experience it. There is nothing similar, nothing familiar, nothing comfortable.

It's like living and being on an Alien planet, everything is Foreign and

you have to learn how to live in a completely different capacity,

in a strange, inhospitable environment. Life on the streets

is an entirely new way of living, which isn't living

in any sense of the word, but rather barely existing

around the periphery of Life...

of Humanity.

There is no direction or path to follow. The rules change continuously

without warning, and each day and night are at once the same and

completely different. Never knowing what to expect or what will happen.

We are the shadowy figures, that have turned into Living Statutes and Icons...

The protection of a Home is no longer part of life, your life, when you

live on the streets. Privacy is completely erased from your life in every regard.

Becoming the most watched Movie showing at the Public's Cinema,

where admission to the Public is always Free, at our expense. Your life is

stripped bare, leaving you fully exposed and in the open in ways you could

never imagine. Living completely Raw... And learning the Alien

language of living on the streets.

Living on the streets you find you are no longer considered a living,

feeling Human Being, but rather seen, and more often than not treated,

like trash, debris and sewage remnants... And Life no longer has the

feeling of Life. Life becomes MOOT, and every moment turns into Survival,

instead of Planning and Scheduling, you find yourself searching

for safety, searching for food, searching for help, searching

for protection and a safe place to just BE. A place to Rest, a

place to Heal, a place to be able to LIVE LIFE.

Days lose meaning, Life has no purpose, no direction, no Value...

Every day starts to feel just like the ones before it, and before that,

and before that. Life takes on an immediacy that it never had before.

Always present and always on guard, every moment of the day and

all through the night. You become witness to what no one should.

You see things, experience things that are not meant to be seen,

experienced and witnessed yet becomes common place.

Witnessing and experiencing “Life” on every level,

The cruel undersides of Humanity...

the Needs, the Desperation, the Anger, the Violence,

the Mentally Unbalanced and highly Unstable.

You learn to see without seeing... you learn to hear without hearing.

Because there is no one around to help. Protection is only

afforded to those who have the luxury of a Real home.

You learn to stop reaching out. You learn to stop caring.

Decades Pasts... And Counting

 

 

Decades Past...

Life in the Review Living on the Streets

20 Years of Life, or rather the merest hint of what had been a Life.

Shelled out and Shadowed in form and existence.

Heading into my 21^st Holiday and Winter Season, while living

in the worst Decade of the worst year in our History, as our lives are

pawned off and removed, all for Political gain at our expense.

All of our Inherent rights, our Constitutional Rights, the Amendments,

Our Freedoms, Our Civil Liberties, Our God given right to Breathe....

all of it has been forcibly removed from our lives.

21 Holiday and Winter Seasons on the streets... with an untold more to

follow in its wake. That's how long I have been forced to live, or rather

merely exist behind and underneath the Fumes of Humanity.

Our Health, Our Immunity, Our Well-Being.... and Our very Lives....

Our Bodies and Our Lives are not Government Issue.

Yet, they have finally achieved what they have been wanting

to do for a real long time now, and that is taking

total and complete control over our lives and how we live.

Everything we do, everywhere we go.... all now extensively

restricted. Where we go, what we eat, how we socialize and

interact with others.... Our very Humanity being wiped

from the face of the Earth in every regard.

Forcibly forbidden to live our lives in any meaningful way.

No longer allowed to live. No longer allowed to do anything or

go anywhere. Several months into the forced Lockdown, we are

still not allowed to move freely, or go where we need to go.

As my life on the streets continues to unfold.... each year

becoming worse than the ones before... and 2020 is turning into

the worst year in the history of our lives.  As more and more is

being restricted and forbidden for us to do, life itself is losing

its meaning and purpose. 2020 is a First of many things...

the first year of a new decade, the first year Life itself

has been cancelled indefinitely and everything in it, the

first year where our lives will never be the same.

Living in the center of the Orwellian Nightmare that never ends.

  Facing my 21st Winter and Holiday season on the streets.

One of the hardest things to deal with living on the streets, aside

from the harsh elements... Is having to clean up in icy cold water

in low temperatures...20s, 30s, and 40s. Waking covered in a thick

layer of frost, like frosting on a cake. Having to douse my head in water

that is much colder, than it is outside, like liquid ice, along with washing

my body in freezing water. Taking ice bathing to a whole new level. And

repeatedly having my oxygen and airflow forcibly taken from me all

year with the forced face masks that are suffocating and unbreatheable,

has been making things much worse to contend with,

especially in regards to my health.

Infections happening out of nowhere that won't heal, cuts,

scrapes, bruising happening with higher frequency, and sores that

stay open and raw as a direct result of oxygen deprivation, over

and over again. It's bad enough having to battle the effects of living

on the streets...being a physically challenged female and Being readily denied

proper rest and nutrition, now having to battle ever-increasing

health challenges as a direct result of Government imposed actions.

20 Years Now.... and Still

20 years now...September 1, 2020. Twenty years and counting without a home.

Twenty years plus forced to live on the streets... More than 2 DECADES.

And this year, the worst I have ever experienced.

The draining, soul emptying life outside. The excruciating pain taking up

residence in my right thumb radiating through my hand, wrist and

down my arm. My thumb massively swollen and pointing out from the pad in

a sharp triangle,  the pain is excruciating. The nail bed has a black line across my 

top of my thumb with the left side of the nail black and pale yellow with and ashy

color on the right side. My thumb is swollen and hard. 

 

Making my right hand unusable for anything. It is interfering with sleeping,

interfering with using the restroom, cleaning up, changing...even just sitting.

Feeling like my thumb is being smashed nonstop with spikes being jabbed

through in every angle, while being butchered at the same time.

This anniversary happens amidst the Pandemic (Plannedemic..?),

where the Government is destroying our Immunity. Forcing us to be

muzzled 24/7 in suffocating, unbreatheable face masks...and removing everything

that made life worth living...everything has been taken away...all self serve has been

eliminated; soup, salad, coffees, bulk items, sports, events. Millions of Private

businesses forced to close permanently, while none of the Government

Offices or businesses harmed at all. Forcing social isolation and distance,

barricading our lives from each other.

So with the Government taking control over our lives and the influx of health

issues that has come about as a direct result of the health damaging

mandates forced and imposed upon us and our lives, has

turned this year into a living nightmare. Decades on the streets; a

nightmare unto itself...then everything compiling on top of that. Truly

the WORST year I have ever experienced in any and all regard.

 

 

Hero's

Hero's On the Streets....

You encounter all walks of life on the street.... when you live on the streets;

you notice more, experience more, witness more than most people ever will in their lives.

A Tale of Two Cities comes to mind… “It was the Best of Times, It was the Worst of Times...”…

But when you live on the streets, the best is no longer available to you. And it becomes

much more than a “Tale of Two Cities...”… it becomes numerous cities, too many to count,

and where there is a never-ending stream of Tales to tell; tales that devastate,

mesmerize, lift, brighten, and shatter your life in so many ways.

I've found that when you really need something, it is those living on the streets

that are willing to share and help however they can. The ones who experience

life on the barest fringes of living are the most helpful and giving.

Hero's, everyday folks, living without a home. Some of the truest hero's you will ever meet.

Life is not supposed to be defeating.... it's meant to uplift and inspire. But when you live

on the Streets, life pummels you to a pulp, pummeling the very life out of you.

That is where the true hero's shine through. People who can really relate to the Blessings and

Challenges one faces without a home.... without a place to get much needed rest.... but rather,

nights that are continually disturbed, having no place to store, prepare or cook meals,

having absolutely no privacy at any point when you have no home.

When you are fully present, but invisible to the Main Streams of Society... you learn the

fine art of disappearing in plain sight. And it becomes the Homeless's super powers.

Blending into the Scenery so well, we become part of the landscape and are

no longer seen as living, feeling, breathing beings.

Homeless know where other Homeless are...

but we are non-existent to the masses.

And thereby, unseen, disappearing in plain sight.

Becoming witnesses of everything; Some good, a whole lot of bad, and 

everything in between is what you experience living on the streets… that holds for

Law Enforcement, as well. You will experience some good, some truly bad,

and a lot of everything in between. How they act and respond toward you

tells you a whole lot of who they are as a person.

And a few select individuals in Law Enforcement become Hero's to those of us on the streets.

I have experienced a few of these Hero's in Law Enforcement, very few, to be sure,

but a few nonetheless, who have made life, my life, on the streets much more

tolerable by paying for services and products that I could not have afforded or

taken care of otherwise. Things that help to get me on my way. And when you are 

forced into a circumstance not of your choosing, and have limited or no income, 

getting even the necessary things for everyday living; soap, shampoo, food, 

clothing, bedding… fuel, supplies, things most people take for granted, 

that are not readily available to you when you have no home

and need to get these items, and find some way to carry them, day-in, day-out 

to use wherever you go, because you never know where you will be 

from one moment from the next.

Every once in while you will encounter a Hero that takes the time to listen and offer 

whatever support they are able to. Perhaps that is just to take the time to greet you 

with a “Hi, how are you?” and actually mean it and want to hear your answer.

They take the time to understand how you came to live without a home, 

and especially living without a home for so long.

So here’s to all the Hero’s who bring Humanity to the forefront.

They lift the ceaseless shadows for a brief moment, allow the

light to filter through the darkness.

In Residence on the Streets.... Thanskgiving 2018

Thanksgiving.... 2018

In Residence of Life on the Streets

Once more, the Holidays are settling upon us and the end of the year is

closing in quick. Another year of life on the streets, and another Holiday Season

underway, and experienced again, on the streets. Another gathering of a good

stack of books from the library in preparation for reading through the Holidays.

When you live your life on the streets, Holidays take on different meaning.

Usually, they are just another day in the life on the streets, with the exception

of having a more challenging time finding places to cleanup, since more

places are closed, and more often than not, parks that have a restroom, are closed.

Not the parks themselves, but usually the restroom remains locked.

So cleanup is generally taken place at drinking fountains, if the fountains

have not been turned off for the season. But living on the streets,

you learn to adapt to circumstances well beyond and out of your control.

And you learn how to navigate the choppy waters of life on the streets. You

become an expert at adapting, through constant change and the forever

unknown in every moment of the day and night.

But when it comes to Holidays, it can be at times, some of the Best times

you experience, and at the same time, some of the Worst times imaginable.

Balancing the two is never an easy task. The feelings of abandonment

tend to flood through your thoughts, as memory brings back snippets of

Holidays past.... sometimes good, heartfelt feeling emerge, and then some not

so good, that bring you down the rabbit hole. This year has brought a mix

of everything. But overall, this has been one of the

worst years I have experienced.

The assault of searing, burning pain ripping through my body at every moment,

continues to increase and takes my focus away from anything else, and it is interfering

with life, my life, in every regard. What I can do, where I can go is greatly

being hindered by the never-ending pain and discomfort that has always been my life.

Been wondering my whole life when the “Healing” that is supposed to be so

natural and so ready to heal is finally going to kick into gear and begin.

Because it is not working, much like this body I was received in.

Pain makes it all but impossible to really enjoy life.

And unfortunately, pain has been my life's companion since before I was born.

I have much to be grateful for, though.... and I write everyday little things I am

grateful for along the way. But sometimes finding things to be grateful for

when you live 24/7 without a home, and all the challenges faced while living

on the streets, adding to that all the physical stuff I have to contend with,

especially this year that has hit extremely hard, makes it hard to be grateful.

But I am grateful to have slight respites of the onslaught of pain... where at times,

it finally lessens and eases up on the stronghold it has on me, ever so slightly, allowing me a

little breathing room, before it hits harder and takes my breath away, once more.

More things I am grateful for;

– I am grateful I am kept safe through the night, and alerted by the animals
around me when something or someone is making trouble.

– I am grateful to have the means to sometimes cook my own meals,
which makes a tremendous difference on my health.

– I am grateful animals find me as non-threatening and allowing me to stay

in their homes with them. And that they are drawn to me. Because my

feathered and furry friends nourish my heart and soul in ways that

keep me taking another step forward, giving meaning to my days.

– I am grateful to be able to read and write, and both have become like air to me.

– I am grateful to have clothes to wear, and sometimes the means to wash

my clothes at the laundry mat instead of by hand in the sinks.

– I am grateful to have soap to use to stay clean.
– I am grateful for the great thermos I have that keeps hot water and
coffee hot for several hours.

– I am grateful for the hand warmers, and emergency blankets that

keep me warm through the coldest nights.

– I am grateful I can wash my hair in the sink, albeit

in icy cold water.

– I am grateful to have water to drink and the containers to

keep it fresh and safe.

– I am grateful there are libraries around and I am able to utilize them fully.

So there is many things and much to be grateful for,

even when you live on the streets.

Taking the time to recall and reflect on all you have to be

grateful for, you find more to be grateful for.

This Holiday Season is my 19^th one on the streets... each one turning more

and more into a mirror of the ones before. Carbon copies of Holidays Past.

At times, the one thing that changes, is the weather.

Thanksgiving on the Streets.. Just another day in the life.

The Compromise....

~ The Compromise.... Life on the Streets ~

Life is an endless series of compromise. And when that 

life is lived on the streets, even more so. Our lives, our health, 

our safety.... what we eat, how we live; are all deeply compromised. 

Without refrigeration, we cannot keep and safely store foods.

Our sleep is compromised and continually disturbed,
being rudely woken more nights than not, sometimes 

several times a night, just for not having the

luxury of sleeping inside a home, on a warm bed.

Comforts of Life.... have been compromised so completely, 

you forget what it was even like to have it a part of your life. 

You never realize what you had until it is gone, and then it 

is too late to really appreciate it for what it was and all it did.

Your very personality changes living on

the streets, from the inside out....and outside in.

The only language my body speaks and communicates 

in is through pain. Why is this the only language my 

body is fully fluent in and knows?

Decades of my life have been taken from me, consumed 

by the Streets. Everyday a painful and pain-filled reminder. 

Not a few days, a couple weeks, or a month or two, 

but decades of my life have been consumed on the streets.

I have spent several lifetimes on the streets....

Lifetimes that can never be recovered.

Living on the streets teaches you things just by being in a 

circumstance not of your choosing, but imposed on you, 

regardless. Nature truly is the Best Teacher.

It teaches you to be resourceful, and improvise as you

go along, using what you have on hand and all around. 

I have learned about the very essence of life

while on the streets. Nature teaches you how to survive 

by the very nature of being in Nature. And survival becomes 

second nature because of Nature.

You become a survivalist by the very nature

                                                        of being out in Nature.

You become better at disengaging.

I've learned how to make great coffee without the use of a 

coffee maker, and it turns out so much better and richer 

than any coffee maker could make. I've learned how to cook 

without the use of a kitchen, by using and utilizing

what I have all around me. Using a single item for 

hundreds of other uses.

Improvising through life, every moment of every day.

Living on the streets becomes more of a fine art, and the 

best training ground for life. Teaching you how to let go and 

move on, while learning to let things be as they are. 

Life teaching you on the Fly about how to be.

And should be included as an Olympic Sport...

I would medal at the very top!!

Living on the street takes camping to a whole new level.

Living on the Streets teaches you to be more resilient, stronger 

than you thought possible, and finding strength just by 

being present. Nature teaches you to adapt, because 

you have no other option available to you. It forces you to

change and bend to its will, not your own at any given time.

It conditions you to adhere to its Rules, and Will.... 

another Compromise.

Improvisation becomes second nature in all you do. You learn to

MacGyver your way through life when you live on the streets,

without the comforts of home, using a

single item for multiple purposes, like re-purposing LIFE

every moment of the day, all day, everyday

Living on the Streets

…. A Blessing and a Curse

You learn more about living and LIFE on the streets than

you could ever learn in any classroom. Nature teaches you

everything – about life, about death and what truly

matters in the deepest context.

You learn a lot about life, more about death and what truly

matters living on the streets. You come face to face

with who you really are – at the core level.

You find out what you are truly made of.

The lessons you learn on the streets are immeasurable in life. 

it changes who you are and strips you down until there is nothing

left and builds you up, literally forcing you to become a different you---

in every way, shape and form.

Being on the streets is wholly consuming, completely draining 

and leaves you depleted and raw, while hardening you 

around the edges and cutting you to the very core.

Life....and endless series of Compromise.