Christmas on the Streets...
2022
As the Yule Tide time of year rolls around again, the
excitement that used to fill me up no longer exists. This is
my 23rd Christmas on the streets. Hopes repeatedly dashed.
Being drained more and more with each passing
Season left to Rot outside, without a home.
Seeing life pass me by, year after year, decade after DECADE....
This is supposed to be the most Joyous part of the year, but I
cannot even tell you what Joy is. I have never felt it, never
experienced it. I used to believe in Magic and Miracles...
But after being forced to erode season after endless
season on the streets... I no longer do.. I Have no reason to.
For this entire Century, hope has faded more with each passing
moment... and every moment has turned into Survival.
If I could erase the Holidays, and the entire Winter season,
I would do so in a heartbeat. But the next best thing is to
read and write the Holidays away. They are easier to bare that way.
And then they are packed up and put away for another year, like
all the lights, decorations and ornaments.
And if weather permits, I spend the day hiking and in
meditation, where at least it feels the chaos is left
far behind, for a moment or two.
Twenty-Three Seasons that have been erased from my life...
twenty-three seasons that life has blurred together and fused
into a single moment in time, where everything has frozen
and remained the same. Twenty-Three Seasons that my life
never mattered, but for a brief moment here and there.
And that was only to move me out of sight.
What does LIFE mean, when you are never allowed to
actually live, in any capacity, just forced to move
from one place to the next?
Not welcome to BE... or ALLOWED
to just BE. Ever.
Another draining season as the streets have
completely consumed every fiber of my being.
Every thought, action, motion.... every dream... and
every breath Has been erased and replaced with life on
the streets. Stripped bare and laid raw, scraped
out and turned inside-out. 24/7.
So when the Holidays come I feel no Joy or Magic, just a
complete sense of dread as the nightmare continues. One
I have never been able to wake from.
Holidays hold no celebrations... not on the streets.
No parties, no festivities... no meaning. And it has become
something I dread when the Holidays approach. Actually
really hate this time of year, now. Being Excluded
from Life is never more noticeable or more readily
apparent than during the Holidays. But on the streets,
the Holidays are just another day in the life
of living, or rather barely existing, on the streets.
Nothing special. It just means every place is closed, so
finding some place to cleanup becomes more challenging.
As does finding food. Having to cleanup in freezing, icy-cold
waters hurts. Having to be out in the freezing
temperatures of the season is painful.
Homeless people are not treated as Valued and Treasured
members of the Human Species. The Homeless do not
fit into Society's Narrative. And instead of helping,
society makes things a million-fold worse by
calling the cops on us just for being present
and having literally no place to go, and when the
cops arrive, they Harass and demand our information and
then force us to leave.... the vicious cycle continues endlessly.
Because we are not Valued or Treasured,
but rather treated quite cruelly and
discarded like trash. Much like the internet
trolls who hide behind their screen to
unleash their Inhumanity making the meanest,
cruelest comments. So are they like that towards
the Homeless, but do so In Person.
Holidays on the streets. Holidays like
Thanksgiving and Christmas are family
Holidays. And when you have no one in your
life... No family, no one to share the time with,
it becomes moot.
The programs and Organizations that are supposed to be there
to “Help”, are created to FAIL. They are created to only
see the problem(s), so they only focus on the problem(s).
And the cycle viciously continues, endlessly. Because
they are always focused on the problem, the problem
only gets worse. They never ask what it is I need,
only what they want, how they want, where they want.
Telling us what to do, where to go, how to live our
lives. So everyone becomes nothing but problems to be “Fixed”.
And treated like Generic Versions of the same.
They show complete disregard for how their decisions
about and over our lives affects our lives.
How their decisions for other people's lives impact the lives
of others.
Their “Solution” is the biggest problem of all.
But the Community has stepped up to the plate,
showing up and being the Blessings that the so-called
Service Organizations never will be.
The Community asks “How Can We HELP...?” And
then they listen and fill needs to be met. They have given
me so much support and so much to be deeply thankful for.
My appreciation, respect and trust in the Community has
risen exponentially, while my trust and respect for the
Organizations, Churches, Service Providers and Law
Enforcement has vanished completely.
I am deeply grateful to the Community for their
support and Beautiful Generosity. Helping me
make it through another Season outside, without a home.
Another Christmas on the
Streets... and Counting.
