Ghost Town Living...

 

 

Ghost Town Living...

Life under Lockdown

Life has become a true Ghost Town as a direct result of the Pandemic.

Streets have been cleared of vehicle traffic, empty storefronts, parks and events

shut down and eliminated, Life cancelled. Living in a Real-Life Ghost Town.

Forced into a Ghost Town from this horribly cruel "Shelter-in-Place"

nightmare that is destroying the economy and wreaking havoc on our well being.

And it has just been extended another several months. Indefinite Forced Isolation.

Life destroying, soul crushing. No contact whatsoever...no hugs, no touching.

Not allowed to live, and be sure not to breathe. Forcing us to become

ever-increasingly alienated from Life itself. Life has become a barren prison...

Forced to keep distance. Why do they even bother having anything

open, the few places that are open.. grocery stores and a few food places, when

the hours are continually being reduced and restricted...opening much later

and closing much earlier while limiting capacity, and restricting access,

then what is the point? Barriers are being put up

all over to force people to keep their distance. Things have

gotten way out of control. They have long since passed ridiculous.

Life has become extremely impersonal.

Deserted and abandoned, life cast to the wayside, our lives in

drought...a barren landscape of dystopia. The economy dried up,

shriveled and completely dismantled.

No more personal interaction. Grocery stores, food places, and what

little retail remains, have imposed prison glass for barrier separation,

which makes it difficult to hear what they are saying and it blocks the

screen to see if things were rung through correctly at the right price

and the total, all blocked now. The grocery stores and few foods places

that remain open have greatly reduced their hours, making access to

restrooms and food even more challenging. Becoming a bubble of one...

physical interaction no longer allowed. Where Our lives are already

forced into isolation when living on the streets.

It's in the Homeless Contract I refused to sign. And cast out as

Social Outcasts from the start.

Being distanced from people is not the main issue...but having no access to

restrooms now, since all the parks have locked and blocked all

restroom access...finding places to go when every place is on Lock Down,

restroom access now can only be found in some grocery stores & gas stations.

The only places still somewhat open to the public, though in very limited

capacity and restricted hours. Contrary to popular belief, those of us

on the streets, we have to go too! We cannot hold it forever.

Biological needs are something every living being has to take care of.

Touch... Contact.. Connection... Socializing...An essential human element,

essential needs are now forbidden. Withering our souls... Dying to just breathe.

Living in a forced Ghost town where life has literally been shut down and

turned off. Crushing the economy and leaving this country, this world and

our well being in great deficit. We are a Social creature. Lives literally

hang in the balance. To live, to thrive...we HAVE to connect, to touch,

be social. The fabric of life has been cut off. And living in the streets,

we already have so little contact, there is no thriving... Just merely

surviving because the threads of existence has shredded and

unraveled, the loose threads have been discarded, much like our lives.

Our lives being Decimated, while our Economy has been shattered and

splintered in devastating ways. Millions of Private businesses forced to

permanently shut down, millions forced out of work, while

not a single Government office or person has suffered

any of their imposed consequences on OUR lives.

Ghost town living... Government Style

THE SHUT DOWN...

The Shut Down...

Life Being Shut Down and Turned Off....

Life on the streets has never been more challenging than at this

current time we are experiencing through the dangerous and

world shaking outbreak of the Coronavirus that created

mass hysteria, the world over, and something that was

deliberate and Intentional.

Life is literally being turned off and completely shut down.

Forced isolation. Social Distancing. Businesses, schools,

Restaurants, Movie theaters, being shut down and closed.

What few places that are still open for food, have

imposed strict requirements to access food.

No longer allowed to sit inside, or even go inside to

pick up food, only Pickup, Take-out or Delivery... 

all at a distance. Restroom access is not allowed.

Grocery Stores have nothing but empty shelves

filling the space. What few places remain open,

hours have been greatly decreased to “Maximize

Social Distancing”. Imposing a NO CONTACT Law.

Libraries, Wineries, Bars, Schools, Any and All Events;

Closed and shut down. No crowds of any kind are allowed.

All park restrooms locked up. Where a forced

“Shelter in Place” has been put into effect, requiring

people to stay “Home”, have your meals at home.

This poses a real challenge to those of us forced to live

outside, indefinitely. You have no Home to go to.

Having no restroom access to take care of personal needs,

or have any place to use to go when you need to.

Having limited or no access to food...Because we are

already in “Shelter in Place”, though our place

is every place. We are home, wherever we go. Having

to carry our homes with us every moment of

the day, and all through the night.

Once again, when disaster strikes.... 

The homeless are literally left out in the cold. 

And the rain. And the high winds.

Being exposed to everything, at any moment,

we do not have the safety of a true “Shelter in Place”.

Our place is everywhere and all over. We do not

have the protection and are not given any thought

about how all these imposed changes affect our

lives in a very real, very devastating way.

Turning life into an even greater hardship for those

of us outside.... blocking access to restrooms,

limiting food access, not allowed to be where you are.

The Virus from HELL is turning our lives into a living

hell, while making life itself inaccessible for even the

most basic, essential Human Needs.

As the Shut Down continues....The IMPACT on our

lives is Injurious and Detrimental. Life....

Turned OFF.

I Have a NAME

I Have a NAME...

I am not a Number

I am not an AGE

I am not a Date Of Birth

I am not an Income Level

I am not a Bank Statement

I am not a Social Security Number

I am not my Driver's License

or State ID Number

I Have a Name.

Referring to me by my gender, my age, my income (or the

lack thereof), my bank statement, my Social Security number

and so forth serves no useful purpose other than to display

a person's personal details, which is Very de-valuing,

very de-humanizing. But at once both very impersonal,

and deeply personal....

My Gender, My age, my Date of Birth, My Social

Security Number.... all of it is very private and no one's

business. Yet, continually put on full and open public

display that is silver plattered (up) for Identity Theft.

I Have a Name.

Being reduced to nothing more than a series of numbers,

my numbers; a gender; age, date of birth, Residence,

Income Level, Bank Statement... When none of it is relative.

Yet, my entire life history stripped away number by number.

Your privacy and private details of your life...having your age,

date of birth, Social Security Number and all your other

numbers, billboarded for anyone and everyone, your

life fully open on display in variations of our numbers.

I have absolutely zero tolerance for constantly being

reduced to a series of numbers; my numbers,

and a gender. I am not a number.

I Have a NAME

Still, my entire life history is stored within them all. While being

referred to as a number or sets of numbers is not who I am and

serves no other purpose than to de-humanize the person

behind the numbers, while giving all your personal

information to the world...

But all these places, especially in regards to the Government,

immediately reduces you to your numbers, forcing you to give

every single digit to them at every turn, then not acknowledging you

as a living, breathing, human being. The first thing that is always

asked of you/always “Required” of you; What is your AGE?/What is

Your Date of Birth?/When were you born?/How OLD are you?....

No matter which way they choose, that is always the first thing

they insist on knowing... your AGE. WHY? Why is your AGE so

important for them to KNOW? Serving no purpose than to add

to their chart because the forms state AGE/DOB/Birthdate

But if you ask theirs, they refuse to respond, telling

you “it is none of our business, we need to

know your numbers, not ours”.

That makes it easier to dismiss you when you are

nothing more than a number, or a series/set of numbers.

Having to give your vital details while being

dismissed as a living person.

Then on top of all the numbers you are referred to, they

demand all your information, stripped bare and put up

for sale; your Mother's Maiden name, your father's full name,

where you were born, the City/Town/State and date it

occurred and when, the time it happened, where you

grew up, what school(s) you went to, the street(s) you

lived on, who you know, how you know them, what your

relation to them are, what grades you received,

places you have been, what you eat, where you shop.

I Have a Name. I Have Presence.

My Identity....I am a Sentient Being.

I am not an IT, I am NOT a NUMBER.

Overpass Living

Overpass Lives...

Life on the Streets

Mud Embankments, weather in all extreme, gorging 
insects, hunger...These are just a few of things that life turns 
into when you are forced to live, or rather merely exist, on the 
outer outskirts of life itself. Living in a Subculture of 
existence. Into a Dimension all its own.

Survival mode becomes the ever-present setting of all you 
do. It becomes the Default setting. A setting that you 
cannot turn off. Life has never come easily to me. 
 I have never mastered the cadence or nuances, aside from 
that of Nature. Life remains elusive and out of reach. 
A life of Influence, of Impact, of Meaning, of Purpose... 
a Life that Matters, in the truest sense, happen 
only in Dreams, if even then.

Labels and erroneous assumptions mark your passing

just for being in a circumstance not of your choosing.

Judged immediately for just being present. Being assigned

a classification solely based on your circumstance,

put into a specific character form in a role that has been...

and continues to be, grossly ill-fitted and ill-fitting.

Cast into a role that was never meant to be.

But one that I have been forced into.

Forced and boxed into a Stereotype of

Characterization. And into a Journey through

the bowels of hell....A Journey I never wanted to take.

That is what life on the streets is like.

And living on the streets, people believe that you

are now the repository for all their castoffs and

discards they are looking to relieve themselves of,

that have long since lost there usefulness. We are not

the drop off stations for their unwanted junk. But

People come to the conclusion that once we are living

without a home, that gives them instant permission for us

to immediately become there dumping ground repository 
station for all their unwelcome, unwanted

junk, trash and debris. They think and believe that

just because our circumstances have changed,

that we are there just for them to unload

everything on us, Burdening us with their trash.

The Stereotypical version of the Homeless is rarely the

ACTUAL version of what being Homeless truly is.

Over-passed, Overlooked....but the depiction of what a

Homeless person is supposed to be like is all wrong, and

mis-counted when they do their “Census” surveys,

because we do not look the part, so we are egregiously

under-counted, again and again. But the Services in

place are not for the people living on the streets, it is to

cover the overhead, the payroll, and reams of paper for

the forms for all these agencies purported to be there to

help us, when those of us outside are not the ones who

benefit from the funding these places receive. It is the

PROGRAMS who benefit at our expense.

So nature continues to embrace me when Life has all but

forgotten all about me. Animals, my trusted friends

and deepest confidants, share my days and nights.

Embracing me in a way people, and LIFE, never has.

Listening to Nature and her Orchestra nourishes

my heart, while filling an emptiness I didn't

realize was even there.

Ever forget where you left something; keys, phone, coffee...

or forgot what something feels like; the texture of grass,

fresh fruit, a shower or a bed? I can no longer recall or remember

what a hot shower feels like, or what any shower feels like,

or what it feels like to clean up in anything but icy

cold water, regardless of the temperature, or

what it feels like to sleep in bed, undisturbed.

Likely lose the sense of what it is like to be a living,

breathing human being, as the longer I am forced to the

edges of the merest existence, the sentience part of my being is

loosening its grip, lessening more and more, minute by minute,

draining the very life out of me, going from a living, feeling,

breathing being to a dry, desert lanscape of existence.

The Raw Edge...

The Raw Edge… of Life

Life on the streets… means living in the raw.

The raw, gnawing pangs and pain of knowing what true

hunger really is. You know what real need actually means.

You experience the raw elements of nature, year-round.

Bugs/insects feeding on you, gorging themselves at your

expense. You are exposed 24/7…. to everything.

Life on the streets is the raw of existence.

An existence that is present without being seen.

You live in a world where everything you do… that most

people take for granted, becomes luxuries on the street;

bathing, privacy, eating, being able to BE without being

hassled, harassed, being badgered or assaulted for just

being present, or sleeping… just to name a few.

Living life… without being allowed to actually live.

Living in and through the dregs of existence.

Life in the RAW...where you are exposed to everything,

and there are no protective barriers to keep you safe and sound.

Your whole life is on full display every moment of the

day and all through the night on the public screen,

where admission is always free for the viewers,

at our expense. The show never ends...

Living on the streets, life without a home, you live the

Postal Credo… In Rain, Sunshine, Sleet, Hail… in all extremes

of weather, not to mention living life in and through

the industrial fans of Nature when the winds rip through

the area. Then you are pushed, pulled and

tugged on from all directions.

Joy, if it ever existed in my life, has been completely

extinguished. And I do not recall ever experiencing

joy at any point or part in my life. It is supposed to be our

natural setting, but not something I have ever felt, or

experienced and it has never been my natural setting.

Contentment has come about at times, but that is not Joy

or Excitement, those are different. Never once have I felt

excitement and joy toward or about life in any way. And when

SURVIVAL becomes your “Natural” setting when life is spent

on the streets, it has a whole different look and feel.

A life of Purpose, meaning, schedules, time... all of it lost and taken

and replaced with a monotone of existence, where everything

remains the same. Life is grayed out, the contrast lessens,

the colors muted and becomes like a photo of freshly poured

cement all around, everything frozen in time. The film

being developed but drained of color and LIFE.

Feeling the deepest aspects of the undersides of humanity,

A life stilled while in progress, interrupted in the middle.

The severity of life is getting harder to bare.

A life hanging in the balance....

A Century in the Making...

A Century In the Making….

A Life on the Streets…

Hard to believe that I have been on the streets so long without a home.

Been on the streets since just after the turn of the Century, and was

born in the last century. My birth, happened last century, The passing of

my parents, both passing away last century… makes it harder to believe

this is what has become of life… my life.

Starting this Century off on the streets… not a good start.

Decades into this Century, the 21^st Century living in a way

that should have never come about in this powerful country.

But as hate and violence continues to unravel all around this country,

and much of the world, all the ugliness of Humanity is showing more and more.

This is the United States of America, but there is nothing and no one

coming together in unity, but rather becoming more divided and alienated from

each other than this world has ever known. Hate and Intolerance springing

up with wild abandon, violent sprees of mass shootings, bombings, and

knifings, are becoming the norm, or rather have become the norm.

While guns have become our language of choice, and really,

the only language we know how to speak anymore.

As Wild Fires continue to burn down the state from the gross

negligence of a power company refusing to maintain their faulty

equipment, the state fumbles and falls further to the wayside.

Love and loving actions have become more the exception now instead of the rule.

Our guiding lights.... have dimished to such a dimly lit dot, it can barely be seen.

History in the making. But not any history that I wanted to experience.

We have had the most forward thinking inventions to help propel this world

into a fully automated society, but in terms of HUMANITY, things are

at an all time low. How people treat others are inhumane, and filled with HATE.

If our Ancestors were here now, they would be unmoored of the disparity.

There has been so much innovation, so much change, so many things to happen and

come about...yet the one thing that this country can never grasp is how to stop,

prevent and reverse homelessness or becoming homeless. Which has become one of the

worst epidemics this country, and world, has ever known. And instead of helping, this

country forces its citizens to become homeless by increasing prices on everything

by such a huge margin, while not giving the income to compensate, then

allowing landlords full reign to do whatever they want, however they

choose to tenants.... regardless of how illegal their actions are.

This country always jumps in to assist other countries, while ignoring their

very own citizens in the same circusmtances that they imposed on us. This country,

and especially the State of California, is making the cost of living a price that

most people can no longer afford... breathing itself is becoming an expense.

The cost of living is making life unsustainable, to live in any regards,

especially when that life is lived outside, where it makes getting the barest

necessities a very costly endeavor, and more challenges with each passing day.

We are now required to purchase bags in order to carry out the

purchases just made, which cuts into the funds for the necessities,

and you end up getting less because the costs added, and the

extra charges tacked on become a great deterrent to cover

your basic needs.

Being forced out on the streets, then continually denied and refused assistance

to get into better circusmtances while imposing stringent “Guidelines” on

who they will help, when they will help, and how.... as long as you are a junkie,

an alcoholic, chemically dependent, or an illegal immigrant they will give you

housing of your choice, claim they are requiring you to go into “Rehabilitation and

Recovery”... and when you do not fit this “Requirement”, then obviously you

are not really homeless and therefore do not require assitance.

As far advanced as this country, and world, are.... Homelessness should not

even exist in this time in History... But it is the worst it has ever been and

continues to spiral down the black hole of non-existence, while prices

continue to skyrocket so far out of control only the Uber and Ultra Wealthy

are able to have housing and shelter. Life is not sustainable on the streets.

But you areforced to find out how to keep moving forward and

sustain life in the shadowed existence of what had been real and solid.

Circumstances... have you ever given any thought to circumstances?

Have they ever defined you? Were you ever known only for your

circumstance? When you are forced to live on the streets, outside, 24/7

and your circumstance goes from being inside wrapped in the safety

and sheltered by those 4 walls and roof to the wide open skies

that literally become your home... you are entirely defined

by your circumstance, which then becomes a Catch-22

when you do not fit the stereotypical image of the Homeless.

Denied assistance for NOT looking, smelling and behaving

like the preconceived image of what the Homeless

are “Supposed” to present themselves as.

A role I am very ill fitted for. A sewer smelling, trash

dweller who is belligerent and stupid, while displaying

psychotic, CrAzy, very erratic behaviors, who is addicted

to drugs, alcohol and very chemically dependent

who is also a chain smoker.

I have enough demons to contend with without adding more to the mix.

Now, if I were removed from my circumstance and once again

had a home with a solid roof over my head, no one would recognize

me. Because I was only ever seen as nothing more than a

circumstance, not a living, breathing human being.

My life and circusmtance, a continual History in the making.