New Year's 2025

New Year’s 2025

A New Hope…

A new year unfolding right in front of me. A new year

filled with hope. Something I haven’t experienced

for so long I know not where to begin to place it.

Being forced to live on the streets for nearly a

Quarter of a Century has left an Indelible mark on

every facet of my life and all through my body.

Finding myself living in Gratitude for seeing

colors and beauty all around. For having a solid,

safe roof over my head at the start of a New Year,

instead of being outside. It is a very new, very

different, very beautiful way to live.

Grateful to have a bathroom to use, and a bed

to lay on. Birds right outside my window, their

songs, a continual melody to my heart.

I was on the streets for so long, there was no

differentiating me from the streets, where I

began and where the streets ended, where the

streets started and I ended… it was so intricately

woven into the fabric of my very essence. I

could not tell one from another.

Even months after finally getting off the streets,

I cannot let go of the streets. It remains in all I do,

in how I respond, and in the essence of me. I am still

caring for the elderly gentleman whose son gave me

the step up and the hand up, not a handout, to get

off the streets that I have needed for this entire

century, though, certainly not in the way I

hoped for, but a step-up, nonetheless,

that lifted me from the streets.

But it was a path off the streets, at least for the

time being. I cannot say how long I will be here.

Paul’s dad has had to keep returning to the hospital,

then to their rehab. He will be 89 years of age this

year…. He has long since outlived his body in every

way. With him constantly falling and unwilling

or unable to use his weight to stand, he goes back

to rehab, hoping to gain the needed strength to

be at this house and at least be able to get up

and use the bathroom on his own, which is

something he is having more and

more difficulty with.

As he returns back to the house, Paul will give

his dad a few days, and if his dad can manage getting

up and using the bathroom on his own, he will be able

to stay. But if he cannot use it on his own, Paul will

be placing him in a nursing home. I do not know

where that leaves me, but for now, Paul is

keeping me on to take care of Abby, his

mixed breed dog, and to keep his home kept.

It puts my residency in a Limbo I am not at all

comfortable with. It literally hangs in the balance

of Paul’s decision, which affects more than just

his dad. I absolutely dread having to go back to

the streets, but with the limited income I receive,

that leaves little option for much else, but

doesn’t make it any easier having

to face the streets once again.

I am trying to stay positive, hope for the best.

A different start to this New Year,

to be sure. And perhaps I can finally put the

Streets behind me, though the streets remain so

deeply infused into every pore of my essence…

it will never fully and entirely be behind me.

A New Year filled with the promise of a New Start.

New Year's 2024...

New Year's 2024

24^th New Year in the making of life and

living without a home outside. I have learned

a tremendous amount just by teaching myself

how and could be a Homeless Life Coach...

Life skills for living on the streets. All I

need now is some way to get paid for

doing so while also getting paid to pen

Best Selling Instruction Manuals...

Keeping my options open.

Another New Year book-ended by storms

on either side of it. But New Year's Day itself

turned out beautiful. Started off overcast, but

became mostly clear, with calm winds and

temps pleasantly in the mid 60s.

A mirror image of 2023... As the New Year

rolled in, But with easier storms on either side

of the change of years from one to the next.

As 2022 was coming to a close, we were battered

hard with heavy, powerful storms ripping through

the area, but held its breath at the dawn of 2023

as one year rolled into the next... the breath

released again at the close of the first day of 2023,

storms picked up right where it had left

off from the last parts of 2022.

The same thing happened this New Year, where

it was raining at the end of 2023... then backed off for

the start of 2024, before picking right back up where

it had left off the day before last. But this time around

the storms are much lighter and not as destructive

and devastating. But having 2 New Year's Days

in succession that were beautiful Gifts and both

bracketed and book-ended between storms,

were truly Gifts. A blessing to start the

New Year with.

It is always a great way to start off the New year,

by counting Blessings... and what better way to help

with that than through the gift of Beautiful weather to

appreciate and be grateful for and something to

cherish and look forward to?

I am not sorry to see 2023 come to an end. There were

many mixed blessings sprinkled throughout the year,

trying to focus on the better ones. But as a whole, 2023

was draining, especially in terms financially... as prices

across the spectrum had massively increased to

insanely ridiculous levels. And the prices

everywhere continue to soar further and further

out of control. Only a matter of time before the

entire economy Implodes into itself.

Unsustainable living... things have gone from bad to

much worse in all directions. Being able to take

care of even the barest essentials is a real challenge

and becoming a severe hardship in the process.

All food places have now begun charging

 excessively for condiments, and everything

                                              that used to come on the food itself, 

                                                  is now being charged extra for.

When living on the streets with limited resources and

means to take care of all that is needed, like Food, clothing,

DMV fees (Insurance, Tags, License, Registration, etc.),

gas, vehicle repairs and so much more become much

more challenging to take care of and obtain with the

heavily increasing, never-ending price hikes across

the board. Essentials become luxuries.

We are not designed to live this way. But we are not

given any other choice. As the forced manufactured

inflation continues to rip through our lives like powerful,

devastating storms, living becomes a muted, muffled echo.

So as this New Year begins to unfold, I continue to

spend life in Nature, listening to Nature's chorus

24/7, meditating throughout the day and night,

walking and Nature Hikes providing the best ways

for clarity, for gratitude and strength to continue

taking another breath and the next step forward.

But with all the rain, the walking through and hiking

in Nature is put on hold for the duration, as mud is

slippery and difficult to navigate. Sitting meditation,

reading and writing, when I can find some place out

of the elements, makes the time pass quickly, while

losing myself in the process but I am never lost.

New Year's 2024... Still on the streets.

A continual reminder to be grateful for what I have,

because things could always be worse. Much worse.

In Gratitude.

New Year's Day 2023 - A Gift

The Gift...2023

New Year's Day

New Year's Day Dawned a Beautiful Gift, bright and CLEAR,

opened and started with blue skies in all directions.

The New Year unfolded as a Gift. Giving us a much

needed break, however slight, from the

endless onslaught of pounding rains.

The morning arose chilled, but quickly warmed

with the bright welcome heat of the sun. Temps rose

to the 60s and turned out to be so Beautiful.

A Gift before the heavy, endless and relentless rains

once again settled in for another long residency, one

that is more violent and unleashes extreme fury. At least

we were given that Beautiful day as the New Year

rolled over from the previous one.

As Mother Nature throws more Temper-tantrums,

upgraded to the worst level... As she releases her

Violent, Furious temper, it brings out tempers all around.

And is so draining. The harsh weather wears you out.

Mother Nature's long rampage has left and is leaving

deep, devastating destruction in her wake. Endless

flooding, widespread damage...Iconic places; Piers,

Restaurants, and others, completely wiped out.

Demolished. With the relentless, endless heavy,

hard torrential rains and winds that have and continue

to pummel us with Atmospheric Rivers they refer to as

“The Pineapple Express”. But there were no Pineapples.

Nothing sweet about the storms ripping through.

Yet, the so-called “Experts” continue to claim

we remain in Severe Drought, despite the heavy

hammering of flooding waters from the torrential rains.

Claiming no amount of water will be enough.

It's as though the Universe has completely upended

the Entire(ty) of the oceans and reversed it upside down

over our heads... How long does it take to drain and

empty the ocean turned upside down?

End over end? We're finding out.

An ocean with no bottom and never drains...

upended and overturned over our heads. One of the most,

if not the most destructive, damaging winters we have had

here. Widespread damage from the heavy, endless hard rains.

Where most everything now is under water... and yet the

rains continue to fall. Taken up A permanent residency.

Experiencing weeks and weeks of unsettled weather,

leaving everything and everyone unsettled in

its wake along with it all.

More than a month and a half of brutal, battering storm

systems, one on top of another. Leaving us battle

worn and weary. Streets blockaded, trails locked and

gated. Roofs collapsing, Beaches wiped out,

Piers gone. While More and more of our lives are

becoming inaccessible. More and more are being

forced to evacuate their lives and livelihood.

But I have found the humor in it.... it took some time,

years actually. But I can see the light through it.

This is my 23^rd Winter outside. And it took years for

me to find the humor in Life itself. Since birth, it has

always felt, looked and tasted like a cruel punishment.

And most of the time, still does. Especially being

forced to live as a permanent resident of the streets.

The weather makes living and life on the street

so much more challenging. In all regard.

Making it difficult, if not downright impossible,

to go anywhere. And even though I now have

a “roof” over my head, though not a dry roof,

as all the doors and trunk rains inside, soaking

not only me, but the floor and all my things as well.

Which brings about a whole other set of issues

to contend with. But I am still in the direct contact

with the weather. Having to go outside in the rain and

wind to get to the bathrooms to clean up, which are

flooded with standing water inside, and back out

in the weather to the car. Having to get out in the

weather to take care of any personal needs.

And weather-wise, this year has been one of the hardest

ones to endure, outside without a home. But has it been

one of the worst ones on the streets? It's Definitely high

on that list!! But it has been hard and challenging.

As for New Year's Resolutions.... I do not

participate. That nonsense has never made sense to me.

And being forced to live as a permanent resident

of the streets, what is the point?

But my goals, if you will, remain the same; survival.

It would be so nice to no longer have to struggle for purchase

and agency in life... a life where I have never been welcome,

to just roll over and be done. Never having to worry about

being forced to leave just for being present and having literally

no place to go, where to go, if you'll be safe through the

night, if, what, how or where you will eat. Not having to

worry about if you will ever have a real home, a place

of privacy and shelter, where I can finally just BE.

Not have to worry about anything, anymore. And I

will no longer have to live in survival mode 24/7.

Service providers are there in name only. And having

no resources, well... Dreams can only take you so far...

until you awaken. But mine only circle back on life on the

streets. I cannot even picture being in a home, a real home,

again. Living and breathing the streets every moment

for nearly half a century now, that is what my dreams are

about. I can no longer feel what a home feels like.

Not looking forward to this year, this New Year,

as it unfolds. Having nowhere to turn or go.

Life, if one could call being a moving shadow a LIFE,

remains as it has, no matter how hard I reach up for

purchase, I have no agency to pull out and have a life

that Matters. No matter how much I struggle or let go,

Life continues to hold me in the Boxing Match.

Life remains... regardless of the New Year.

A New Year... 2020

A New Year.... on the Streets

2020

As the New Year unfolds, it becomes a first of many.....

A New Beginning, the First Day of the New Year, of a New Month,

and of the next Decade. It closes out one decade and begins a new one.

Shutting the door to the worst years.

As 2019 comes to a close and another year about to begin...

this past year has truly been a mixed bag of blessings, challenges and

unimagined hardship. Just as Hope was fading and diminishing

to the brink of being non-existent, blessings come at just the precise

moment when all hope was lost. Bringing a renewed strength of Faith,

and Hope to my life in a cycle of infused love for humanity....

as the door closes on one year and opening to the next one...

I have much to be grateful for.

                     - Met a couple of amazing people who blessed me in immeasurable ways,

                        just by being who they were as people, and whom I would have never                                            encountered had I not been in my circumstance

                     - I have clothes to wear to keep me warm

                     - I was able to get a new pair of shoes to replace the ones

                       that could no longer be held together

                     - I was able to get most of the necessities I needed

                     - I have public restrooms to use to take care of my personal needs

                     - I am no longer harassed nearly as much by Law Enforcement

                     - I am surrounded by Nature and Her Wonders every moment and 

                       witness to the most amazing orchestra

2020.... A Beginning for The Promise of a Better Future.

The first thing that number, 2020, brings to mind is the

News Program, 2020 followed by Dateline.

These programs used to be Staples in our home, the Segments that

brought Truth and Justice to light, when reporters reported what was real,

instead of told what to report, or how. Something we need more of in this world.

And perhaps with the New Year Beginning, It will open the path to

a great new Beginning in all regards, and for the door to 2019,

one of the WORST years I have ever experienced,

to be closed for good. And one I never wish to re-visit.

This is my 20^th New Year I have experienced on the streets, and remain

in the same circumstance, regardless of what I do, or where I go. That

covers a LOT of History... 9/11, the Deadliest Wild Fires in California

History; The Camp Fire, the Tubbs Fire, The Cedar Fire,

The Woolsey Fire, The Carr Fire, The Thomas Fire just to name a few.

Among some of the history since I have been forced to live my life

outside, on the streets, are devasting Natural Disasters that have consumed

thousands of lives; the 2004 and 2005 Tsumanis and Earthquakes, with

devastating Floods and Droughts. There is so much more.

Experiencing and living through Twenty full Winter and Holiday Seasons

outside. Seeing 20 full New Years begin and end. Seasons of Hope blended

and mixed with the deepest emptiness that has drained me on levels I never 
knew existed. Experiences that could fill volumes, and stuff libraries...

So I really hold no illusion of what life holds for the future...

Street life has consumed my entire existence.

While the New Year holds Promise of what is yet to be,

I cannot summon the excitement or spirit of Life...

Being Homeless is like living in a drought through winter

in terms of finding food or shelter, while having to contend with

the worst extremes of weather; heavy rains, high winds and ugly storms

ripping through not only the lands, but through your soul, as well.

Another New Year come to pass with the barest existence of

life on the streets.

New Year's Day, a New Beginning, or a Contiuation

of a Nightmare I can never wake from?