The
Gift...2023
New
Year's Day
New
Year's Day Dawned a Beautiful Gift, bright and CLEAR,
opened
and started with blue skies in all directions.
The
New Year unfolded as a Gift. Giving us a much
needed
break, however slight, from the
endless
onslaught of pounding rains.
The
morning arose chilled, but quickly warmed
with
the bright welcome heat of the sun. Temps rose
to
the 60s and turned out to be so Beautiful.
A
Gift before the heavy, endless and relentless rains
once
again settled in for another long residency, one
that
is more violent and unleashes extreme fury. At least
we
were given that Beautiful day as the New Year
rolled
over from the previous one.
As
Mother Nature throws more Temper-tantrums,
upgraded
to the worst level... As she releases her
Violent,
Furious temper, it brings out tempers all around.
And
is so draining. The harsh weather wears you out.
Mother
Nature's long rampage has left and is leaving
deep,
devastating destruction in her wake. Endless
flooding,
widespread damage...Iconic places; Piers,
Restaurants,
and others, completely wiped out.
Demolished.
With the relentless, endless heavy,
hard
torrential rains and winds that have and continue
to
pummel us with Atmospheric Rivers they refer to as
“The
Pineapple Express”. But there were no Pineapples.
Nothing
sweet about the storms ripping through.
Yet,
the so-called “Experts” continue to claim
we
remain in Severe Drought, despite the heavy
hammering
of flooding waters from the torrential rains.
Claiming
no amount of water will be enough.
It's
as though the Universe has completely upended
the
Entire(ty) of the oceans and reversed it upside down
over
our heads... How long does it take to drain and
empty
the ocean turned upside down?
End
over end? We're finding out.
An
ocean with no bottom and never drains...
upended
and overturned over our heads. One of the most,
if
not the most
destructive, damaging winters we have had
here.
Widespread damage from the heavy, endless hard rains.
Where
most everything now is under water... and yet the
rains
continue to fall. Taken up A permanent residency.
Experiencing
weeks and weeks of unsettled weather,
leaving
everything and everyone unsettled in
its
wake along with it all.
More
than a month and a half of brutal, battering storm
systems,
one on top of another. Leaving us battle
worn
and weary. Streets blockaded, trails locked and
gated.
Roofs collapsing, Beaches wiped out,
Piers
gone. While More and more of our lives are
becoming
inaccessible. More and more are being
forced
to evacuate their lives and livelihood.
But
I have found the humor in it.... it took some time,
years
actually. But I can see the light through it.
This
is my 23rd Winter outside. And it took years
for
me
to find the humor in Life itself. Since birth, it has
always
felt, looked and tasted like a cruel punishment.
And
most of the time, still does. Especially being
forced
to live as a permanent resident of the streets.
The
weather makes living and life on the street
so
much more challenging. In all regard.
Making
it difficult, if not downright impossible,
to
go anywhere. And even though I now have
a
“roof” over my head, though not a dry roof,
as
all the doors and trunk rains inside, soaking
not
only me, but the floor and all my things as well.
Which
brings about a whole other set of issues
to
contend with. But I am still in the direct contact
with
the weather. Having to go outside in the rain and
wind
to get to the bathrooms to clean up, which are
flooded
with standing water inside, and back out
in
the weather to the car. Having to get out in the
weather
to take care of any personal needs.
And
weather-wise, this year has been one of the hardest
ones
to endure, outside without a home. But has it been
one
of the worst ones on the streets? It's Definitely high
on
that list!! But it has been hard and challenging.
As
for New Year's Resolutions.... I do not
participate.
That nonsense has never made sense to me.
And
being forced to live as a permanent resident
of
the streets, what is the point?
But
my goals, if you will, remain the same; survival.
It
would be so nice to no longer have to struggle for purchase
and
agency in life... a life where I have never been welcome,
to
just roll over and be done. Never having to worry about
being
forced to leave just for being present and having literally
no
place to go, where to go, if you'll be safe through the
night,
if, what, how or where you will eat. Not having to
worry
about if you will ever have a real home, a place
of
privacy and shelter, where I can finally just BE.
Not
have to worry about anything, anymore. And I
will
no longer have to live in survival mode 24/7.
Service
providers are there in name only. And having
no
resources, well... Dreams can only take you so far...
until
you awaken. But mine only circle back on life on the
streets.
I cannot even picture being in a home, a real home,
again.
Living and breathing the streets every moment
for
nearly half a century now, that is what my dreams are
about.
I can no longer feel what a home feels like.
Not
looking forward to this year, this New Year,
as
it unfolds. Having nowhere to turn or go.
Life,
if one could call being a moving shadow a LIFE,
remains
as it has, no matter how hard I reach up for
purchase,
I have no agency to pull out and have a life
that
Matters. No matter how much I struggle or let go,
Life
continues to hold me in the Boxing Match.
Life
remains... regardless of the New Year.
