Christmas on the Street... 2022

 

Christmas on the Streets...

2022

As the Yule Tide time of year rolls around again, the

excitement that used to fill me up no longer exists. This is

my 23^rd Christmas on the streets. Hopes repeatedly dashed.

Being drained more and more with each passing

Season left to Rot outside, without a home.

Seeing life pass me by, year after year, decade after DECADE....

This is supposed to be the most Joyous part of the year, but I

cannot even tell you what Joy is. I have never felt it, never

experienced it. I used to believe in Magic and Miracles...

But after being forced to erode season after endless

season on the streets... I no longer do.. I Have no reason to.

For this entire Century, hope has faded more with each passing

moment... and every moment has turned into Survival.

If I could erase the Holidays, and the entire Winter season,

I would do so in a heartbeat. But the next best thing is to

read and write the Holidays away. They are easier to bare that way.

And then they are packed up and put away for another year, like

all the lights, decorations and ornaments.

And if weather permits, I spend the day hiking and in

meditation, where at least it feels the chaos is left

far behind, for a moment or two.

Twenty-Three Seasons that have been erased from my life...

twenty-three seasons that life has blurred together and fused

into a single moment in time, where everything has frozen

and remained the same. Twenty-Three Seasons that my life

never mattered, but for a brief moment here and there.

And that was only to move me out of sight.

What does LIFE mean, when you are never allowed to

actually live, in any capacity, just forced to move

from one place to the next?

Not welcome to BE... or ALLOWED

to just BE. Ever.

Another draining season as the streets have

completely consumed every fiber of my being.

Every thought, action, motion.... every dream... and

every breath Has been erased and replaced with life on

the streets. Stripped bare and laid raw, scraped

out and turned inside-out. 24/7.

So when the Holidays come I feel no Joy or Magic, just a

complete sense of dread as the nightmare continues. One

I have never been able to wake from.

Holidays hold no celebrations... not on the streets.

No parties, no festivities... no meaning. And it has become

something I dread when the Holidays approach. Actually

really hate this time of year, now. Being Excluded

from Life is never more noticeable or more readily

apparent than during the Holidays. But on the streets,

the Holidays are just another day in the life

of living, or rather barely existing, on the streets.

Nothing special. It just means every place is closed, so

finding some place to cleanup becomes more challenging.

As does finding food. Having to cleanup in freezing, icy-cold

waters hurts. Having to be out in the freezing

temperatures of the season is painful.

Homeless people are not treated as Valued and Treasured

members of the Human Species. The Homeless do not

fit into Society's Narrative. And instead of helping,

society makes things a million-fold worse by

calling the cops on us just for being present

and having literally no place to go, and when the

cops arrive, they Harass and demand our information and

then force us to leave.... the vicious cycle continues endlessly.

Because we are not Valued or Treasured,

but rather treated quite cruelly and

discarded like trash. Much like the internet

trolls who hide behind their screen to

unleash their Inhumanity making the meanest,

cruelest comments. So are they like that towards

the Homeless, but do so In Person.

Holidays on the streets. Holidays like

Thanksgiving and Christmas are family

Holidays. And when you have no one in your

life... No family, no one to share the time with,

it becomes moot.

The programs and Organizations that are supposed to be there

to “Help”, are created to FAIL. They are created to only

see the problem(s), so they only focus on the problem(s).

And the cycle viciously continues, endlessly. Because

they are always focused on the problem, the problem

only gets worse. They never ask what it is I need,

only what they want, how they want, where they want.

Telling us what to do, where to go, how to live our

lives. So everyone becomes nothing but problems to be “Fixed”.

And treated like Generic Versions of the same.

They show complete disregard for how their decisions

about and over our lives affects our lives.

How their decisions for other people's lives impact the lives

of others.

Their “Solution” is the biggest problem of all.

But the Community has stepped up to the plate,

showing up and being the Blessings that the so-called

Service Organizations never will be.

The Community asks “How Can We HELP...?” And

then they listen and fill needs to be met. They have given

me so much support and so much to be deeply thankful for.

My appreciation, respect and trust in the Community has

risen exponentially, while my trust and respect for the

Organizations, Churches, Service Providers and Law

Enforcement has vanished completely.

I am deeply grateful to the Community for their

support and Beautiful Generosity. Helping me

make it through another Season outside, without a home.

Another Christmas on the Streets... and Counting.

 

Christmas Time.. On the Streets 2018

Christmas.... 2018

Life on the Streets

19 Holiday Seasons and counting...

19 years of Holidays on the Streets. 19 Thanksgivings and Christmases spent in the park,

when the weather permits, with a large stack of books. It has become a tradition, year after year....

spent alone, in the park reading. When you have no place to go, nowhere to go and never

once invited any place, your options are quite limited. I never imagined decades would be

wholly consumed on the streets, and where it is made crystal clear, time and time again....

Your life has no meaning and means nothing to anyone. Otherwise, I would not be

experiencing my 19^th Holiday Season once more on the streets, where I have become a

staple of life, a standing figure, a fixture that has become the very landscape itself.

What is the purpose of life when that life is not welcome as part of society?? Life is

moving past me in a blur, and I have not been able to procure a ride

through it.... but only dragged through in its wake.

I had HOPE, and FAITH.... that I would find the help and assistance I would need when

I was forced from my home by and through the illegal actions of a despicable landlord, but

finding nothing but door after endless door, phone after endless phone slammed in my

face and in my ear. Hope has faded to the merest shadow of form and Faith....

not something I have anymore, in any regard. Any Faith I had has been shredded and

torn to something that can no longer be recognized, due to all the False Hope and

Empty Promises made to me, many times over from individuals,

those in Law Enforcement, as well Organizations.

Filling my head and heart with so much Hope, only to sharply

pull the rug right from under me.

Right from the start I was told I didn't have any legal recourse I could take, because the

landlords in the city of Alameda could do whatever they wanted, whenever they chose and

tenants had to abide, no matter what the landlord did, whether it was legal or not. This was

from the Bay Area Legal Aid, who is supposed to be there to help, especially to help those

with no other means to obtain legal action.

They informed me that the only thing I could do if I wished to pursue anything was to

retain a lawyer, and the minimum for that would be $5,000 to do so. Not the kind of

money I had anywhere. I called numerous attorneys, in the hope of finding one that would

hear my case and help. But no attorney would listen, and none of them wanted to get

mired in legalities of Landlord vs Tenants. And because I didn't have the means to

fund their “time”, or their expensive tastes of LIFE, I could find no help.

I didn't have the means to pay for anything, much less the thousands of dollars

for a retainer, and still not have any assurance that the attorney would be able to help.

So decades later..... those doors and phones are still being slammed on me.

And thus, marking this my 19^th Holiday Season of life on the streets.

A time when no one should be on the streets. But there is really no good time

to be on the streets. Holidays just make it harder. Life on the streets, a permanent

darkness that overflows in your heart, like molasses.

Holidays on the Streets... Just another Day in the Life.

Holidays are just another Day on the Streets.