Christmas
Hope....2017
Christmas
2017.... Christmas, a time of HOPE, FAITH, LOVE..... and MIRACLES.
When you
live life on the streets, 24/7.... it takes a hard toll on your
person,
your
heart, your faith... Your life and health. It hits every aspect of
your life,
in ways
you could never imagine. Another Christmas on the streets, quite
literally,
being left out in the cold. While being sidelined from my own life.
When you
hit rock bottom and get mired in the depths of it....
sometimes
kindness and hope seeps in through the most
unexpected
ways, and leaves you breathless.
I realize
that hope and faith are never truly lost, they just get buried,
deeply,
under
life's debris... But access to it has been blocked and sometimes
requires
outside help to gain access once more. It takes so little..
A kind
word or two, a warm greeting, a genuine smile. As these are the
access
codes to retrieving hope lost, and restoring the faintest hint of
faith.
And the
time of year this comes about is Christmastime....
perhaps it
is something in the air; the rich vibrancy of frenetic energy,
the smells
of seasoned wood burning in fireplaces, cooking.... Or perhaps
it is just
that people's attitudes changes a bit toward those
of us out
here during this season of giving that restores hope and faith
ever so
slightly. It's a Gift that doesn't happen too often. Whatever it
is,
it brings
the long dormant feelings of Hope, Love and Faith out of
dormancy
and to the surface, and becomes accessible.
I still
have dreams (albeit very vague, at best) of finally having a real
home;
a place
where I could finally sleep and get the much needed rest my body
has been
deprived of for far too long; a real kitchen to store, prepare,
and cook
real food...., a private bathroom to do my personal, very private
things
that have been put on and displayed for all the world to see.
But
they are nothing more than dreams.
When you
need a hand up, not a handout.... because life on the streets is
definitely
a life disruptor...… you need help getting back up, not more
things to
keep you down, while pushing you further
down the bottomless hole
without end.
Helping is
not enabling the preconceived “bad behavior” that those
of us on
the streets are automatically assumed to partake in,
when that
is rarely the case, in reality. We are people, most of whom
have been
forced to live, or rather merely exit without actually
existing,
into a circumstance not of our choosing, but having
to make
the best of a bad situation.
Having to
live every moment of my life on the streets in full view of the
public
movie screen, day-in, day-out and every night thereafter....
is
certainly a game changer. Being denied the comforts of a real
home.....
changes
not only how you live and survive, but every one of your habits
change.
Personal
grooming and hygiene, using the restroom, eating (when you can),
sleeping
(if and when that happens).... nothing is private.
Every
moment of your life on public display, every breath taken,
every
blink of your eyes, every step taken, and
every seat
taken to sit and rest for the briefest time.
The only
difference between you and “us” is nothing more than our
home
environment. We live, we
breathe, we feel.... just like everyone else.
Though,
because of our circumstance, we are denied living as
most
people are allowed to do, and living on the streets ages you decades
in the
briefest amount of time, because you don't have the comforts of
home....
you are in
the elements every moment of the day, and all through
the night,
season after endless season. The only ones who card
me now are
the cops, though I do nothing to be carded for.... But being present.
So when
the Holidays come around, especially Christmas.... those of us
living
outside catch glimpses of real
humanity.... not much of it, mind you,
but a
glimpse that deep down, most people have a heart and they care.
Some of
that trickles down to us as you walk past us without
usually
even giving us a kind look, or even a warm smile,
much in
the way of acknowledgment of any kind,
not in a
good, kind way, that is.
But
when Christmas comes about-- kindness, warmth, generosity
are more
frequent visitors that makes a world of difference.
Even just
taking a moment to connect with someone
outside,
changes things. It gives us a slight glimmer of HOPE....
that
brighter days are ahead, and not all behind us.
Life has a
way of never turning out the you wanted... the way you hoped for,
and
dreamed about. I never dreamed I would be spending my life
on the
streets,.... but after breathing every breath for the last 18 Holiday
and
Winter
Seasons outside tells me, in a very real sense,
life
doesn't care what you want, what has been dreamed
about and
longed for for so long.
But there
has been a few angels
around me
that let me know otherwise, most wearing fur or feathers,
but some
upright angels came along my path, as well.
As 2017
comes to a close, I will be so glad to have this year soon to be a
thing of
the past. It has not been a kind year, but rather one of the
absolute
worst years I have ever experienced. I would be so happy if this
entire
year could be erased and never happen. But I will have to settle for
it
coming to
an end, even if it cannot be erased and forgotten about.
The brief
glimpses of humanity, real humanity, that I was blessed to
experience
has made this year tolerable.. I have been blessed and deeply
grateful
for those rare few that brought love to me out here. So if it had
not
been for a
select few rare treasures coming into my life this year....
this whole
year would have been put on hiatus.
