Christmas and Winter 2024
Closing out the year…
As the winter season begins and the end of the year
begins to close, book-ended by the Holidays, and the
Holiday Season, I reflect on having a roof over my
head this year, though, not the roof I would have
chosen or preferred, it is still a roof over my head
and a reprieve from being forced to live on the
streets like I had been forced to do for so long,
nearly half my life was spent on the streets,
my life stripped from me and taken.
A life in Full-surround sound and video.
Our lives the Feature film for all to see and hear,
where admission for the public is always free, but
at our expense. Every moment of our lives on
running video, spied on 24/7, with no down time.
So, the shift to caring for an elderly gentleman to
get off the streets for his care, is something I am
truly thankful for. But it is a mixed blessing.
Still have no space to just BE. No privacy.
The cons tend to overshadow the pros. But I am
able to finally shelve all the horror of the streets
and the endless nightmare it was and put it out
of reach for now. The harassment of just being
present, gone. That brings light to my heart with
hope for going forward. Though, I can never erase
what being on the streets was, or what I went
through, or the effects it had on me,
the residues of it remain.
Something I will never be able to wash from
my body or memory, as it is so intricately woven
through the fabric of my soul. Indelibly fused
to every fiber of by being.
Mentally and physically, I am still in the space
of being on the street, even though I have been
off the streets for a while now, I still feel like
I am out there. And I know at any moment,
that very well may be the case, again.
Holidays are not a pleasant time for me. I hate
the heavy, thick parking lot traffic everywhere,
the frantic frenzy of everyone, the rushing to
go and be and do 2 seconds faster than
everyone else. All of it just wears me down
and wears me out. Drains me on every level.
I hate the mass packed crowds, the deafening
volume all around. Have just never been a fan
of the Holidays. I dread this time of year. But
I am thankful and have a tremendous amount
to be grateful for. I am focusing on the
good as best as I can.
Being inside as the year comes to a close
is a first in a very long time.
Finally able to close, at least temporarily,
that chapter and finish the book. The book was
quite long and it never felt like it would
finish, the ending nowhere in sight,
just went on and on and on.
So, a New book begins and the pages
are already filling up.
Closing 2024…
The Next Chapter
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