The Gift...2023
New Year's Day
New Year's Day Dawned a Beautiful Gift, bright and CLEAR,
opened and started with blue skies in all directions.
The New Year unfolded as a Gift. Giving us a much
needed break, however slight, from the
endless onslaught of pounding rains.
The morning arose chilled, but quickly warmed
with the bright welcome heat of the sun. Temps rose
to the 60s and turned out to be so Beautiful.
A Gift before the heavy, endless and relentless rains
once again settled in for another long residency, one
that is more violent and unleashes extreme fury. At least
we were given that Beautiful day as the New Year
rolled over from the previous one.
As Mother Nature throws more Temper-tantrums,
upgraded to the worst level... As she releases her
Violent, Furious temper, it brings out tempers all around.
And is so draining. The harsh weather wears you out.
Mother Nature's long rampage has left and is leaving
deep, devastating destruction in her wake. Endless
flooding, widespread damage...Iconic places; Piers,
Restaurants, and others, completely wiped out.
Demolished. With the relentless, endless heavy,
hard torrential rains and winds that have and continue
to pummel us with Atmospheric Rivers they refer to as
“The Pineapple Express”. But there were no Pineapples.
Nothing sweet about the storms ripping through.
Yet, the so-called “Experts” continue to claim
we remain in Severe Drought, despite the heavy
hammering of flooding waters from the torrential rains.
Claiming no amount of water will be enough.
It's as though the Universe has completely upended
the Entire(ty) of the oceans and reversed it upside down
over our heads... How long does it take to drain and
empty the ocean turned upside down?
End over end? We're finding out.
An ocean with no bottom and never drains...
upended and overturned over our heads. One of the most,
if not the most destructive, damaging winters we have had
here. Widespread damage from the heavy, endless hard rains.
Where most everything now is under water... and yet the
rains continue to fall. Taken up A permanent residency.
Experiencing weeks and weeks of unsettled weather,
leaving everything and everyone unsettled in
its wake along with it all.
More than a month and a half of brutal, battering storm
systems, one on top of another. Leaving us battle
worn and weary. Streets blockaded, trails locked and
gated. Roofs collapsing, Beaches wiped out,
Piers gone. While More and more of our lives are
becoming inaccessible. More and more are being
forced to evacuate their lives and livelihood.
But I have found the humor in it.... it took some time,
years actually. But I can see the light through it.
This is my 23rd Winter outside. And it took years for
me to find the humor in Life itself. Since birth, it has
always felt, looked and tasted like a cruel punishment.
And most of the time, still does. Especially being
forced to live as a permanent resident of the streets.
The weather makes living and life on the street
so much more challenging. In all regard.
Making it difficult, if not downright impossible,
to go anywhere. And even though I now have
a “roof” over my head, though not a dry roof,
as all the doors and trunk rains inside, soaking
not only me, but the floor and all my things as well.
Which brings about a whole other set of issues
to contend with. But I am still in the direct contact
with the weather. Having to go outside in the rain and
wind to get to the bathrooms to clean up, which are
flooded with standing water inside, and back out
in the weather to the car. Having to get out in the
weather to take care of any personal needs.
And weather-wise, this year has been one of the hardest
ones to endure, outside without a home. But has it been
one of the worst ones on the streets? It's Definitely high
on that list!! But it has been hard and challenging.
As for New Year's Resolutions.... I do not
participate. That nonsense has never made sense to me.
And being forced to live as a permanent resident
of the streets, what is the point?
But my goals, if you will, remain the same; survival.
It would be so nice to no longer have to struggle for purchase
and agency in life... a life where I have never been welcome,
to just roll over and be done. Never having to worry about
being forced to leave just for being present and having literally
no place to go, where to go, if you'll be safe through the
night, if, what, how or where you will eat. Not having to
worry about if you will ever have a real home, a place
of privacy and shelter, where I can finally just BE.
Not have to worry about anything, anymore. And I
will no longer have to live in survival mode 24/7.
Service providers are there in name only. And having
no resources, well... Dreams can only take you so far...
until you awaken. But mine only circle back on life on the
streets. I cannot even picture being in a home, a real home,
again. Living and breathing the streets every moment
for nearly half a century now, that is what my dreams are
about. I can no longer feel what a home feels like.
Not looking forward to this year, this New Year,
as it unfolds. Having nowhere to turn or go.
Life, if one could call being a moving shadow a LIFE,
remains as it has, no matter how hard I reach up for
purchase, I have no agency to pull out and have a life
that Matters. No matter how much I struggle or let go,
Life continues to hold me in the Boxing Match.
Life remains... regardless of the New Year.
