2019 In Closing...
Another
year coming to a close and another one about to begin.
This
year has been overfilled and overflowing with devastating blows,
and
one of the hardest to bare, especially in terms physically.
Deep
into my 20th Winter and Holiday Season outside.
Each
day becoming more of a challenge to face and endure.
Food,
something that is supposed to bring healing, has been more
damaging
than anything else. The healthiest foods becoming the
worst
culprits. And made worse when you have no place to go
for
rest and allow for healing. Living on the streets means
your
body lives and stays in a stressed out place that can never
be
at rest. Your body and your life, continually unsettled.
20
FULL Seasons of not being able to eat reguarly, or properly.
Of
not being able to rest, to heal, to BE. Of having nowhere to
go,
no bed to sleep on, no kitchen to store, prepare and cook
real
food. Your life and health are always being heavily
compromised
because of it. Being exposed to
everything
24/7, builds your immunity to some regard,
while
at the same time, destroying you completely.
They
say “Time Heals All Wounds...”, but I have found the
opposite
to be true, that the more TIME I am forced to
live,
or merely exist in any sense of Life, outside without a home,
the
more damage results. My body more of a vestige relic
of
what no longer is. Shelled out and gutted...
Being
lied to by all these various “Support” agencies, claiming
they
are there to help and support the Homeless... claiming
they
have the resources and expereince to help, yet continually
refusing
the help they claim to offer for not being their
stereo-typical
Homeless person that is always
projected,
but does not portray the reality of.
Filling
my head with empty promises, my heart with false hope,
with
endless words with no meaning, while making
fabricated
claims of all they will do, and how they will help
support
me to move into more of the actual LIVING part of Life.
My
heart sinking deeper in the empty hollowness each passing
moment
I am forced to live on the outskirts of life itself.
As
the weeks, months, years and decades go by with
increasing
speed, I remain on the sidelines watching
and
witnessing every moment of life fade in the
distance.
As time moves forward, life is supposed
to
be getting better, not worse. But life is
moving
in reverse and getting worse as more
time
passes, when you live on the streets.
Living
on the streets changes you in so many ways,
and
in ways you can never imagine. My life from before,
has
long since ceased to exit. Has become more a figment
of
imagination that is blurred and distorted, like a burned
photograph
pulled from the ashes....you can no longer
tell
what the image had been. Or from when.
2019
has truly been one of the WORST years I have
expereinced,
and one I am glad to close and shut forever.
Not
a year I will hold fondly in memory, and hoping to erase
it
completely. Trying to find little flickers of Hope, of
Faith,
of some semblance of MEANING and I am
coming
up emtpy. Losing Hold of the WHY.
No comments:
Post a Comment