In
Closing 2018
Life
on the Streets..
As
this devastating year comes to a close, it cannot come soon enough.
2018
has been one of the worst years I have ever experienced.
And
having to live without a home year after endless year, You cannot
imagine
what
it is like having to live every moment of your life on the streets.
But
to have a slight understanding of what it truly means
to
live your life on the streets;
What Does it Mean....
A
Life on the Streets
What does it mean living on
the streets? Living on the streets means
you can never call any
place “home”, living anywhere, everywhere and
nowhere at all. Living on
the streets means every facet of your life are
always on public display,
in everything and all you do...
- Eating,
- Sleeping,
- Moving around,
- Just Being Present,
- Using the Restroom,
- Brushing your teeth,
- Cleaning up,
- Changing.…
- Cooking
- How you move, where you
sit
- Anywhere and everywhere
you go…
- It means we have heavier
expenses to endure when
you have little means to
get what you need;
food, clothing, supplies,
cookware, fuel, etc
- Constantly being judged
and cruelly condemned for a
circumstance
you were forced into, along with endless assumptions.
Absolutely EVERYTHING you
do. Every breath taken,
every step taken and
everything in between.
All on perpetual display of
the Public Movie Screen.
(Where admission is always
FREE, but at our expense)
Living on the streets means
you never have a regular place to receive mail.,
get into a regular routine.
Because your life is constantly being shifted and
moved at every moment. It
means sleeping, eating, cleaning up… whatever
you need to do, will not be
at regular times, or regular intervals, but rather
scattered throughout the
day and night, with no consistency.
Living on the streets,
means…. You are no longer considered a resident,
or a citizen. It means you
have no place to be, no place to go,
and nowhere to go. Then
there is the fact you are always out in the
elements of nature. From
the extreme heat, to the freezing temps,
and everything in between.
Contending with the furious high powered
winds and pounding rain to
the endless gorging insects
feeding on you through the
night.
It means a life, your life,
is ignored, stepped on, chewed to bits and pieces…
It means our lives on the
streets have no value in the eyes of the public,
in the eyes of the
Government, in the eyes of the so-called “services”
that are supposed to be
there to help, only to insist that you
“DO NOT QUALIFY” for
services because you don't do drugs,
don't drink, are not
chemically dependent, don't smoke,
are not an illegal alien,
do not have dependent
children, and not a senior
citizen.
And more often than not,
the way Homeless are treated and regarded
are very much along the
lines of how the US Troops returning from
Vietnam were treated and
regarded... with so much HATE, and
violent actions against
them. And we are as welcome as they were,
which is not at all. A
life without meaning,
without purpose, without
connections.
The list is endless. Life
on the streets is all about survival.
No friends or family. No
one to share your days with, no one to come
home to and hear about
their day, and no one to ask about yours.
Then
on top of living your life where everything you do is always on
public view; Having to
endure weeks of the worst air on the planet due
from
the continual fires burning down the state, destroying lives and
memories
in the slightest flicker of an eye. Smoke inhalation, thick
fumes
clogging and filling the air for weeks on end with acrid fumes,
making
it impossible to breathe, as your lungs burn and your chest
constricts
and tightens, while your throat closes off... like being in an
airless
room with no ventilation with smokers.
But
from a great distance, and no matter where you go,
breathing
is not an option.
Having
severe Asthma since birth, makes
being
out in it that much worse. They tell people to “Stay inside”.
How
does that work when you have no “Inside” to go to?
Living
life without a home brings an endless array of challenges just for
the
very
fact you have no home. But then added challenges make things even
worse
for you. Like the state always being on fire, all the smokers that
insist
on
going wherever you go, having little or no income, and Holidays..
these
additional things to contend with makes life feel more
like
a cruel punishment than a precious gift.
And
it is people who are turning me off from life entirely...
making
life in any regard untenable. Being unable to breathe
because
of other people's nasty, filthy habit, and the fires burning
through
the state is impossible to live with 24/7... but when you have
no
place to go, you are forced to constantly breathe this in, and
literally
be
consumed by the fumes of both the smokers' habits and the fires.
And
the thing with smokers, they don't care how their filthy habit
affects
anyone, or what it does to others. We are the ones to
suffer
and endure their habits. According to them, it doesn't
“bother”
them, so why should anyone have a problem with
what
“they” do.
Well, if their habits didn't have such a direct
affect on others' health
and lives and cause so many issues,
people couldn't care less;
But being on the receiving end of
their habit, and as a
direct result; not being able to breathe,
having your throat close,
while your chest tightens and constricts,
and your lungs burn...those
effects that affect non-smoker's lives,
and having to contend with
the noxious and toxic fumes 24/7,
then they could smoke to
their life's end, if it didn't
affect and impact everyone
else's lives.
I
really wish that smokers could feel
what their habit does to others.
And
feel how it affects everyone
around them, especially when those
affected have respiratory
challenges already having to contend with.
To
Feel what it is like
having your health severely compromised by the
habits that other's impose
on them, literally forcing their habit
down others' throats. I
wish they could feel what it is like
being on the receiving end
of their habits.
If they could, perhaps then
they would be a little more respectful
towards people and not
light up right next to others. Because they have
absolutely no respect or
consideration for or towards others,
lighting up anytime,
anywhere, regardless.
Then adding further insult
to injury... those horrible, nasty
Leaf Blowers that do
nothing but blow debris and thick, heavy
fumes of the exhaust that
is like living inside of a vehicle muffler,
always on in an enclosed
garage, as those Leaf Blowers
leave the air heavy for
days with the fumes and debris,
and in turn, making the air
UN-breathe-able. And what is worse,
is when sitting inside a
cafe or library and trying to write or read,
when the leaf blower is
blown full-on at the doors, filling the
whole place with the debris
and fumes, making
your lungs feel like they
are on fire.
Those machines are the
worst things ever created. Really, what purpose
do they serve? They are
nothing more than loud, noisy pollution
makers that toxify the air
and make it impossible to breathe.
But that's right, no one
needs to breathe.
This world will kill you
regardless... that is the only
reason we are here; to DIE.
So as the year 2018 comes
to a close....
I will be so glad to have
the year over and done with.
There has been so little
good this year, or in the last few years.
Life is supposed to be
getting better through time, and through the years,
not worse; not more
difficult and uglier. But this past decade of my
life on this planet has
been the worst I have ever experienced.
No longer a fan of this
thing called LIFE, in any regard.
And this has truly been one
of the worst years I have experienced
in this life. As this year
comes to a close and another is about to begin...
I'm not looking for more of
the same, or worse.
Life has no pull or draw
when all you have to look forward to
when you have no home; when
you haven't had a home for so long,
you cannot even remember
what it was like when you did, is just a
deeper emptiness, and a
life that has never been welcome or mattered.
There is nothing to look
forward to. Just a day that
never ends.... as days,
weeks, months and
years roll into a single
day.
But then a tiny Flickering
of HOPE has been infused in my heart through the
Blessings I have been
receiving as this year comes to a close. Just when things went
from bad to much worse,
this month has brought days filled with Blessings.
People actually taking the
time to care and offer support through warm greetings,
and help with food and
supplies. Some Prayers have Finally been answered.
So as this year comes to a
close and the New Year is about to begin, I have
much to be Grateful for.
But this is not a year that will be missed.
