Sunday, December 30, 2018

A Devasting Year Comes to a Close.. 2018



In Closing 2018

Life on the Streets..



As this devastating year comes to a close, it cannot come soon enough.
2018 has been one of the worst years I have ever experienced.

And having to live without a home year after endless year, You cannot imagine
what it is like having to live every moment of your life on the streets.
But to have a slight understanding of what it truly means
to live your life on the streets;


What Does it Mean....
A Life on the Streets

What does it mean living on the streets? Living on the streets means
you can never call any place “home”, living anywhere, everywhere and
nowhere at all. Living on the streets means every facet of your life are
always on public display, in everything and all you do...

    - Eating,
    - Sleeping,
    - Moving around,
    - Just Being Present,
    - Using the Restroom,
    - Brushing your teeth,
    - Cleaning up,
    - Changing.…
    - Cooking
    - How you move, where you sit
    - Anywhere and everywhere you go…
    - It means we have heavier expenses to endure when
    you have little means to get what you need;
    food, clothing, supplies, cookware, fuel, etc
    - Constantly being judged and cruelly condemned for a
    circumstance you were forced into, along with endless assumptions.

Absolutely EVERYTHING you do. Every breath taken,
every step taken and everything in between.
All on perpetual display of the Public Movie Screen.
(Where admission is always FREE, but at our expense)

Living on the streets means you never have a regular place to receive mail.,
get into a regular routine. Because your life is constantly being shifted and
moved at every moment. It means sleeping, eating, cleaning up… whatever
you need to do, will not be at regular times, or regular intervals, but rather
scattered throughout the day and night, with no consistency.

Living on the streets, means…. You are no longer considered a resident,
or a citizen. It means you have no place to be, no place to go,
and nowhere to go. Then there is the fact you are always out in the
elements of nature. From the extreme heat, to the freezing temps,
and everything in between. Contending with the furious high powered
winds and pounding rain to the endless gorging insects
feeding on you through the night.

It means a life, your life, is ignored, stepped on, chewed to bits and pieces…

It means our lives on the streets have no value in the eyes of the public,
in the eyes of the Government, in the eyes of the so-called “services”
that are supposed to be there to help, only to insist that you
DO NOT QUALIFY” for services because you don't do drugs,
don't drink, are not chemically dependent, don't smoke,
are not an illegal alien, do not have dependent
children, and not a senior citizen.

And more often than not, the way Homeless are treated and regarded
are very much along the lines of how the US Troops returning from
Vietnam were treated and regarded... with so much HATE, and
violent actions against them. And we are as welcome as they were,
which is not at all. A life without meaning,
without purpose, without connections.

The list is endless. Life on the streets is all about survival.

No friends or family. No one to share your days with, no one to come
home to and hear about their day, and no one to ask about yours.


Then on top of living your life where everything you do is always on
public view; Having to endure weeks of the worst air on the planet due
from the continual fires burning down the state, destroying lives and
memories in the slightest flicker of an eye. Smoke inhalation, thick
fumes clogging and filling the air for weeks on end with acrid fumes,
making it impossible to breathe, as your lungs burn and your chest
constricts and tightens, while your throat closes off... like being in an
airless room with no ventilation with smokers.
But from a great distance, and no matter where you go,
breathing is not an option.

Having severe Asthma since birth, makes
being out in it that much worse. They tell people to “Stay inside”.
How does that work when you have no “Inside” to go to?

Living life without a home brings an endless array of challenges just for the
very fact you have no home. But then added challenges make things even
worse for you. Like the state always being on fire, all the smokers that insist
on going wherever you go, having little or no income, and Holidays..
these additional things to contend with makes life feel more
like a cruel punishment than a precious gift.

And it is people who are turning me off from life entirely...
making life in any regard untenable. Being unable to breathe
because of other people's nasty, filthy habit, and the fires burning
through the state is impossible to live with 24/7... but when you have
no place to go, you are forced to constantly breathe this in, and literally
be consumed by the fumes of both the smokers' habits and the fires.

And the thing with smokers, they don't care how their filthy habit
affects anyone, or what it does to others. We are the ones to
suffer and endure their habits. According to them, it doesn't
bother” them, so why should anyone have a problem with
what “they” do. Well, if their habits didn't have such a direct
affect on others' health and lives and cause so many issues,
people couldn't care less; But being on the receiving end of
their habit, and as a direct result; not being able to breathe,
having your throat close, while your chest tightens and constricts,
and your lungs burn...those effects that affect non-smoker's lives,
and having to contend with the noxious and toxic fumes 24/7,
then they could smoke to their life's end, if it didn't
affect and impact everyone else's lives.

I really wish that smokers could feel what their habit does to others.
And feel how it affects everyone around them, especially when those
affected have respiratory challenges already having to contend with.
To Feel what it is like having your health severely compromised by the
habits that other's impose on them, literally forcing their habit
down others' throats. I wish they could feel what it is like
being on the receiving end of their habits.

If they could, perhaps then they would be a little more respectful
towards people and not light up right next to others. Because they have
absolutely no respect or consideration for or towards others,
lighting up anytime, anywhere, regardless.

Then adding further insult to injury... those horrible, nasty
Leaf Blowers that do nothing but blow debris and thick, heavy
fumes of the exhaust that is like living inside of a vehicle muffler,
always on in an enclosed garage, as those Leaf Blowers
leave the air heavy for days with the fumes and debris,
and in turn, making the air UN-breathe-able. And what is worse,
is when sitting inside a cafe or library and trying to write or read,
when the leaf blower is blown full-on at the doors, filling the
whole place with the debris and fumes, making
your lungs feel like they are on fire.

Those machines are the worst things ever created. Really, what purpose
do they serve? They are nothing more than loud, noisy pollution
makers that toxify the air and make it impossible to breathe.

But that's right, no one needs to breathe.
This world will kill you regardless... that is the only
reason we are here; to DIE.


So as the year 2018 comes to a close....
I will be so glad to have the year over and done with.
There has been so little good this year, or in the last few years.
Life is supposed to be getting better through time, and through the years,
not worse; not more difficult and uglier. But this past decade of my
life on this planet has been the worst I have ever experienced.
No longer a fan of this thing called LIFE, in any regard.

And this has truly been one of the worst years I have experienced
in this life. As this year comes to a close and another is about to begin...
I'm not looking for more of the same, or worse.
Life has no pull or draw when all you have to look forward to
when you have no home; when you haven't had a home for so long,
you cannot even remember what it was like when you did, is just a
deeper emptiness, and a life that has never been welcome or mattered.

There is nothing to look forward to. Just a day that
never ends.... as days, weeks, months and
years roll into a single day.

But then a tiny Flickering of HOPE has been infused in my heart through the
Blessings I have been receiving as this year comes to a close. Just when things went
from bad to much worse, this month has brought days filled with Blessings.
People actually taking the time to care and offer support through warm greetings,
and help with food and supplies. Some Prayers have Finally been answered.

So as this year comes to a close and the New Year is about to begin, I have
much to be Grateful for. But this is not a year that will be missed.







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