Thanksgiving....
2018
In
Residence of Life on the Streets
Once
more, the Holidays are settling upon us and the end of the year is
closing
in quick. Another year of life on the streets, and another Holiday
Season
underway,
and experienced again, on the streets. Another gathering of a good
stack
of books from the library in preparation for reading through the
Holidays.
When
you live your life on the streets, Holidays take on different
meaning.
Usually,
they are just another day in the life on the streets, with the
exception
of
having a more challenging time finding places to cleanup, since more
places
are closed, and more often than not, parks that have a restroom, are
closed.
Not
the parks themselves, but usually the restroom remains locked.
So
cleanup is generally taken place at drinking fountains, if the
fountains
have
not been turned off for the season. But living on the streets,
you
learn to adapt to circumstances well beyond and out of your control.
And
you learn how to navigate the choppy waters of life on the streets.
You
become
an expert at adapting, through constant change and the forever
unknown
in every moment of the day and night.
But
when it comes to Holidays, it can be at times, some of the Best times
you
experience, and at the same time, some of the Worst times imaginable.
Balancing
the two is never an easy task. The feelings of abandonment
tend
to flood through your thoughts, as memory brings back snippets of
Holidays
past.... sometimes good, heartfelt feeling emerge, and then some not
so
good, that bring you down the rabbit hole. This year has brought a
mix
of
everything. But overall, this has been one of the
worst
years I have experienced.
The
assault of searing, burning pain ripping through my body at every
moment,
continues
to increase and takes my focus away from anything else, and it is
interfering
with
life, my life, in every regard. What I can do, where I can go is
greatly
being
hindered by the never-ending pain and discomfort that has always been
my life.
Been
wondering my whole life when the “Healing” that is supposed to be
so
natural
and so ready to heal is finally going to kick into gear and begin.
Because
it is not working, much like this body I was received in.
Pain
makes it all but impossible to really enjoy life.
And
unfortunately, pain has been my life's companion since before I was
born.
I
have much to be grateful for, though.... and I write everyday little
things I am
grateful
for along the way. But sometimes finding things to be grateful for
when
you live 24/7 without a home, and all the challenges faced while
living
on
the streets, adding to that all the physical stuff I have to contend
with,
especially
this year that has hit extremely hard, makes it hard to be grateful.
But
I am grateful to have slight respites of the onslaught of pain...
where at times,
it
finally lessens and eases up on the stronghold it has on me, ever so
slightly, allowing me a
little
breathing room, before it hits harder and takes my breath away, once
more.
More
things I am grateful for;
–
I am grateful I am kept
safe through the night, and alerted by the animals
around
me when something or someone is making trouble.
–
I am grateful to have
the means to sometimes cook my own meals,
which
makes a tremendous difference on my health.
– I
am grateful animals find me as non-threatening and allowing me to
stay
in
their homes with them. And that they are drawn to me. Because my
feathered
and furry friends nourish my heart and soul in ways that
keep
me taking another step forward, giving meaning to my days.
–
I am grateful to be
able to read and write, and both have become like air to me.
– I
am grateful to have clothes to wear, and sometimes the means to wash
my
clothes at the laundry mat instead of by hand in the sinks.
–
I am grateful to have
soap to use to stay clean.
–
I am grateful for the
great thermos I have that keeps hot water and
coffee
hot for several hours.
– I
am grateful for the hand warmers, and emergency blankets that
keep
me warm through the coldest nights.
– I
am grateful I can wash my hair in the sink, albeit
in
icy cold water.
– I
am grateful to have water to drink and the containers to
keep
it fresh and safe.
–
I am grateful there are
libraries around and I am able to utilize them fully.
So
there is many things and much to be grateful for,
even
when you live on the streets.
Taking
the time to recall and reflect on all you have to be
grateful
for, you find more to be grateful for.
This
Holiday Season is my 19th one on the streets... each one
turning more
and
more into a mirror of the ones before. Carbon copies of Holidays
Past.
At
times, the one thing that changes, is the weather.
Thanksgiving
on the Streets.. Just another day in the life.