America.....the Home of the Homeless

Forgotten on the Streets

Forgotten; that’s what happens to you when you are forced on to the streets, having to live your life by mere existence, while everyone else disregards you as a person in every sense of the word. Forgotten, mistreated, brushed off, ridiculed, criticized and ignored. Facing this every moment you find yourself in the presence of others. Taking its toll battering your soul, your sense of Self, which is diminished more and more the longer you are forced to stay out here, becomes nothing but a ghost that you can no longer feel the very essence of but glimpsing only in partial shadow from the corner of your vision, that disappears and vanishes if you look directly at it. Your word, your integrity, your very character always questioned and condemned without the roof to validate your existence in the very literal sense.

Time takes on a whole new meaning when you live on the streets, stretching out longer, becoming endless as days blend into weeks that turn into months and transform into years. Seasons blending into one long winter/summer, but the nights are an endless winter, feeling like you’re stuck in a perpetual deep freeze, regardless of the actual temperatures outside. Time slips away faster at times, while other times it seems to drag out and stretch forever-- Shadows giving up their secrets as the sun creeps into the sky higher and higher, then begin their whispering as the sun journeys below the ground, starting the cycle all over again.  

The physical challenges of living life on the streets are too numerous to list, and when you have to contend with endless physical pain every moment of your life... from the actions of others, makes that pull and draw of life that most feel, nonexistent in mine.  I have never once felt that love affair that most have with life.  Never once felt the joy it is supposed to bring.  

The empty gnawing through your stomach becomes your constant companion, growing heavier and more intense when all you have is water to drink, making the pain and pangs of an empty stomach much more pronounced. The connection with people becoming null and void and you can feel yourself slipping further and deeper into the bottomless pit, the vortex, of humanity’s waste --

One of the things you learn to do quickly, or be completely devoured, is growing extra thick skin to deal with life on the streets. You have to really learn to let it all go, which is very challenging, especially when the actions and behavior and attitudes coming your way all the time and from all directions is directed right at you.  Especially more so when not only are you homeless, but female and physically challenged, to boot, and move in a way that people don't like.  Sometimes it takes hold of your heart and squeezes like an iron vise, made immeasurably worse when it’s done by someone you care so much for.

I am so completely angry at this point in time.  Having spent nearly 2 solid decades forced to be on the streets, because the screwed up system in place to "help", has only compounded the problems, insisting you have to fill their requirements before assistance is given, and claim I do not qualify because I "do not meet the requirements".   I am so angry of having to contend with the absolute worst of humanity, of society, of this screwed up system that is ineffective, at best.  When you are forced to live your life outside interminably, you not only witness the perpetual underside of humanity, but fully experience it in every regard.  The gross mal-treatment, verbal abuse and physical assaults that are so common place against the homeless that no one notices how wrong it is and why the extreme violent misconduct of actions and behaviours toward those of us on the streets are condoned, and more often than not, actually encouraged..  Full fury and contempt directed at those of us on the streets just for the mere existence of our presence.  Wondering if this is why I was born-- Just to experience the ugliness of humanity in all its many forms.  Being treated so horribly.  What is the point then?  I am fed up with being denied my existence, unable to truly live, but denied access to life.  When your life is only (barely) permitted to be present around the periphery of life, but not allowed to be part of it, where is the meaning..... purpose?  Life on the streets is difficult enough to have to go through, but being cast to the wayside at every moment.  Where do you go when your not welcome where you are?  No matter where you are?  Is this what life is supposed to be about?  

When night time falls, our lives- for those of us on the bare streets, are all but forgotten as everyone who has that precious commodity called a home, scurries into its warm embrace; enveloping them as they step inside. Our lives discarded as they gather around the dining room or kitchen tables to enjoy a nice hot meal, sharing stories from their passing day, then curling into the warm folds of their comfortable beds, wrapping them in billowy comfort from head to foot, their heads cushioned in the clouds of pillows’ softness.

Simple luxuries so easily and readily taken for granted until that luxury is taken away and it becomes a rare and treasured gift, a special privilege, if and when, it is afforded to you. Like a real meal, ready access to a restroom, a bed....Hot running water: priceless jewels...

People insisting you’re not doing enough, not trying hard enough or you would have a roof over head and money coming in. This is only the case when you’re a drug addict or alcoholic, an illegal immigrant, or their brand of CrAzy, THEN, and ONLY then are you given anything in the way of housing and income, and very luxurious accommodations, at that!

No matter what you say, where you have gone, what you do, how many doors you get repeatedly slammed shut in your face-- they don’t want to hear this, much less even acknowledge it. They still INSIST I’m not DOING enough, just NOT trying hard enough. When you don't fit their Myopic minded views of how you are supposed to present yourself, what you are supposed to be doing and how you look when you are homeless, your life is cast off -- forgotten and erased.  A role that has never fit.

I invite them to follow me around for a day, a week, a month, or the endless years, and I’ll show them what I have to deal with and contend with daily. But, of course, they always refuse—Because then they would see the truth for themselves; and it’s much easier to judge and condemn for something they know nothing about and understand even less, than it is to open their eyes to the truth! So the blame is always put on me, it's my fault I'm out here, it's my fault I'm not receiving any assistance, it's my fault I don't have a home and a solid job, and so forth.  OK, I take full responsibility, but that certainly does not change anything when you are continually and repeatedly denied your very existence and told over and over that "you don't qualify".  Then please tell me how to qualify and get the help and assistance that I have been readily refused for nearly 2 solid decades of being forced to live on the streets.  The attitudes toward me really wear you out having to deal with people's ugliness day-in, day-out.

Instead of looking forward to another day, you tend to dread it's approach. Becoming discouraged from the continual ignorance, attitudes, and neglect from others, and the rejection from potential employers never giving you a chance. You wonder when things will finally change for the better. Staying positive as best you can becomes a constant challenge. But come morning, you somehow still find yourself breathing, and wondering how it's possible.

A Modest Encroachment.....

A Modest Encroachment

That's what the President says about destroying our every privacy, saying it's “to keep Americans Safe” from terrorists. Bullshit!! It is not about protecting us from anything or anyone, but rather, more about controlling and dominating every facet of our lives. This is NOT a free country. Every aspect of our lives are being controlled and manipulated by the government in the name of “safety”. Our privacy, our civil liberties, our health, our finances, who receives what kind of medical care, video monitored everywhere we go; on public transit, in the park, any and all stores (retail, grocery, warehouse, lumber yards), movie and theatre centers and complexes, sports and sporting events, storage facilities, the library, swimming pools, walking down the street... anywhere and everywhere….none of which was our permissions asked for.

Our lives have been heavily “Encroached” upon more and more by the government taking more and more control over our lives, telling us they know what's best for us. We are supposed to be a Democracy-- A Country For the People, By the People, With the people, but more than a 150 years now, somewhere along the way, the People have been pushed away, cast aside while the government takes over more and more of our lives.

The Government has grossly overstepped their bounds. And people are readily handing over their lives to our government under the guise of 'Safety'. Our Constitution has turned into just a mere piece of paper that is meaningless, as the government is writing its own agenda, regardless of what the Constitution says and what all it is supposed to stand for. The Government has greedily encroached on our lives, taking over every aspect of them.

Our rights being slaughtered wholesale all for a “security” that doesn't exist! Our lives being dictated (back) to us-- what we can and cannot do, where we can go, what we are allowed to check out at the library, who will receive medical care and for what, who gets housing... the very food we eat, our water supply, even the very air we breathe-- all government imposed, mandated, and ran highly inefficiently, at that.

Filling our lives with an overflow of dangerous drugs, harsh chemicals, genetically engineered/altered/modified organisms-- all of which are a gross endangerment to our health, and our very lives.

What have we been fighting for all these centuries??? Our Freedoms. Which are being handed over to the government, so they can invade our lives even more. That isn't “a modest encroachment”, it goes far beyond that. How far are we going to let it go? The government has long since crossed the line. You really believe they have our best interest at heart? We are just pawns in their game-- doing with us as they choose. Rest assured, they still have all their rights-- they have not suffered the indignities they are putting us through. Their lives are valued, ours treated as disposable. They receive the best medical care, while we are lottery'ed off to the lowest bidder. And even then, our right to choose is taken from us.. jumping from hoop to endless hoop. Then we are penalized and prosecuted for not having insurance, regardless of circumstance. Putting our lives in the hands of the government is just fool hardy. They are not there to take care of us. Otherwise, our lives would not be so readily discarded and cast to the way side-- the way they shed our service men and women, you honestly believe our lives actually mean something to them, actually matter? If we did, there wouldn't be the millions of homeless in the richest country in the world... all the veterans, those who were fortunate enough not to be killed, only to return here, forgotten and discarded for serving our country and protecting our supposed liberties and freedoms.

So I ask you, what are we fighting for, again? George Orwell knew what we would be facing decades into the future, yet having to publish his works under the guise of “Science Fiction”, because no one could fathom the realities of his words... yet aside from the bar codes being implanted to keep track of our every movement, though, a lot have been embedded with “information chips”, like they put in animals for tracking, the rest has long since come about and the bar codes are only a matter of time, really, taking complete and total control over our lives entirely.

Like “vaccines” they impose on us, removing our right to choose, time and again. You have no way of knowing what they are actually injecting you with. Claiming it is one thing, but look at how they use our military men and women as lab rats, forcing “inoculations” on them, only to find out much later what they were injected with was something quite different from what they claimed it it be, and the damaging effects it has wreaked after the fact.

So where are all our 'freedoms' in all this? The government isn't going to be happy until they have turned this supposed Democratic Society into nothing more than a police state and full dictatorship.

Remind me again, what exactly are we fighting for? And the government continues to state, over and over, how this is for our own protection, their “modest encroachment", into our lives. WOW. What gives them the right to do whatever they want, by whatever means they choose, no matter the consequences? And WE are the ones who pay the price for their actions. And the ones who pay the highest price are those who are homeless, the veterans who serve our country, the physically and mentally challenged, and Seniors, who are told they are “too old” to be allowed to receive the medical care they need, that the government refuses to “waste” all these resources on people they insist are not going to be alive for much longer. Says who??? Why is the government the ones who decides what quality of life they will be allowed? Refusing care to those who need it most. The government imposing highly strict and rigid age “restrictions” on who receives the care they need. Deciding who lives and who dies, and when. Yet, no matter the age of the person in government office, they are given the best care.

What gives them the right to play God in our lives, determining the quality of our lives, and whether or not we are allowed the same quality as they have? None of them are denied services due to their age. So please tell me, what are we fighting for? The more we do, the greater the encroachment of government in our lives.

Our rights to Privacy, and giving our consent to decide whether we want our photo taken or videoed have been taken from us by everyone toting the newest phones-- taking photos and videos of everyone and anything without our consent. That's one of the most disheartening things about it-- it's bad enough to be laughed at and made fun of in person, when you are physically or mentally challenged and move or look in a way that is uncomfortable for others, then not only have this done, but broadcast all over the place, it turns it into something else entirely when they take out their damned phones and record/video the way you move. That way, the whole world gets to laugh at you at your expense... and none of them have a conscience about destroying someone else just for the fun of it.

They sure as hell wouldn't like people doing that to them, but have no problem doing it to someone else.  The Golden Rule long since forgotten when it doesn't suit their purpose.

The government claims that being videotaped and monitored everywhere we go, every move we make, and in all we do, “ensures our safety”. HOW??  It has never once stopped anything from happening, has never prevented anything from happening.  I have never, not once felt safe and secure, much less comfortable being spied on every moment of the day and night--  it is a constant violation of our rights-- highly invasive, very intrusive, corroding our freedoms even more. Being watched and monitored 24/7 of every moment is highly unsettling.

So what “freedoms” do we even have anymore?

The governments continuing encroachment further into our lives has eliminated whatever freedoms we, at one time, actually did have.

And because the government has become so invasive and highly intrusive into our lives, violating and invading every facet of our lives... NOTHING we do or say is private. Our every communication is censored, read, and eavesdropped on-- never once asking our permission to do so. Our rights, our freedoms, our civil liberties have been turned into confetti scattered in the wind.

What gives the government the right to tell us what quality of life we are to have, or the lack thereof, yet don't hold themselves in the same low regard. We're treated sub-standard, while they receive the Best Possible Care at Our expense.

Manipulations of Uncle Sam....

Have you ever thought about all the manipulations the government imposes on us for their purposes?? For instance, “Daylight Saving”, where they manipulate our hours and change the time for their conveniences, leaving us to pay the price of it all... imposing it earlier and earlier, then extending it further and further-- instead of allowing time as Nature intended, as God intended, it is wrenched to their purposes... screwing up our natural rhythms, turning our lives upside down. Yet, Daylight Saving doesn't 'save' anything.  And has absolutely no benefit at all.  Nothing that is artificially imposed on our lives have any benefit whatsoever. It wreaks havoc across the board. Dictating what time is and when we will experience it and how. This is just the start of things... think of all that government does to control, manipulate and more with not only our time, but our very lives.. in the truest sense. You cannot even breathe without being on constantly "monitored" ….

Choosing what they put in our food, our water, telling us only what they choose for us to hear, which rarely has any inkling to the truth of the matter, telling us they know what is “best” for us. Really?? They know what is “best” for us? That is why they have taken so much control over our lives.... taking away the very freedoms we fought for so long for, only to be dismantled and shed.

The thing is, the government is afraid of us standing up for our rights, they know what they are doing is wrong, in every sense of the word. Can you imagine what would happen if we demanded our lives back, filled with the freedoms we were supposed to have, instead of continually conceding our lives further for the deeper control of the government?

We would really be a fully functional DEMOCRACY.

A Country For the People, By the People, With the People....

But our government really wants nothing to do with the People...

Think there is something really wrong with this picture, how about you?

Cost of Living...

                          

  The Cost of Living.... in 2016

For every person, the cost of living means something entirely different.  When you live 

on the streets, the cost of living is truly off the charts.  Especially when your only 

source of income is partial SSI.  According to the Social Security Administration, 

there has been NO cost of living increase, which means there was no

 "Cost of Living Adjustment" to SSI recipients, which is only pennies, literally....never 

more than a whole of $.028 cents max has ever been "awarded" for cost of living increase 

with those of us relying on SSI for everything.  But the usual increase, is $.017 cents, if

 we receive anything at all.  Which, this year, was denied from Social Security, claiming their nonsense of there being no cost of living increase.  Yet, they all received a good sized

 "Cost of Living Adjustment" in the form of a raise..... 

I am wondering where they are getting their erroneous information that decided on this.  

Have they purchased this basic necessity called "Food" lately?  Everything has gone up, 

especially, food.  And not by a few cents, either, but by a huge margin.  Food alone has 

increased by several dollars across the board, even more so when your food purchased has 

to be pre-made, or ordered from a restaurant.  Because you have no place to store, prepare 

or cook food when you have no roof over your head. Which being on partial SSI, does not 

afford the luxury of even being able to eat properly, much less have a well rounded meal 

even a couple times a month.  If there has been no cost of living increase, as Social Security Administration claims, then why has everything increased exponentially in price?  Doesn't 

the huge increase in price = cost of living increase?  Am I missing something here?  

Trying to get sustenance when you live on the streets become an ever-increasing challenge 

to those of us out here.  Eating regularly becomes a luxury we can no longer afford.  The 

tiny sum you receive when your only source of income is partial SSI, and recycling when 

you can, does not even cover the bare basics of living..... or of life, much less the 

cost of food.  Making it much more challenging to fill that empty void 

gnawing through your stomach.

It has been made crystal clear, time and time again, that our lives on the streets do not matter.  

We're denied the very rights of being alive and present... denied the most precious bare 

bones basics of life's necessities of living like; food, shelter, a real home, toiletries 

for personal hygiene, ready access to restrooms.  We're denied our right to vote because 

we do not have a physical residence.  We have no permanent place to receive our mail.  

We're denied our very right to just sit and be without the cops being called on us. 

 Denied our very existence, in fact, we are told it is illegal for us to be present and 

in public.  Our lives are trashed and kicked to the wayside because of a 

circumstance we never chose.

And now, that all women's restrooms are "Gender Neutral", we cannot even use the 

toilet without being on full display.  Women should start going outside, use the 

bushes.....    it would be a lot more private for us to do our very personal business that 

is now made hugely public because men refuse to use their own restrooms.

Yeah, that was a brilliant idea!!!    How could there possibly be any issues or problems 

with men in the women's restrooms.....   aside from being fully exposed, now we have to 

worry about what they are going to do to us being in the same room.  There is a HUGE 

difference when using the restrooms.  For women, we are naked, full exposure from 

the waist down.... due to the equipment we were issued at birth.  So how can this be OK 

having men using our room?  There is a Women's room for a reason.  If men choose to 

believe they are of one gender, but embodied in a different one.... I have no problem 

with that, but until they change their equipment, then please use the actual men's room.  

Men have their rooms for a reason, as well.  Because the majority of men now have 

decided that it's their "right" to come in to the women's restrooms whenever they feel 

like it, you never know what will happen, or what to expect when you go to open the 

door to the women's restroom.  They should have "Gender Neutral" restrooms, 

not be taking over the women's restrooms.  

I spend a lot of time in the park, especially on nice days, reading under the shade of 

beautiful trees.... then when I need to relieve myself, I don't expect men or teens to be 

in where I need to use.  But that has happened more and more of late.  And it is not 

only a shock when you open the women's restroom door and find a handful of male 

teens inside, it's disheartening.  It makes me wary of needing to use the restroom.... 

what or who will I find inside?  

So, are our genders.... the female genders, becoming obsolete?   This is 

becoming more true with each passing moment.  

Meals on the Streets....

Meals….

~Meals On the Streets~

The Reality of what it is truly like

The empty void of Hunger;

One of the things that go quickly by the wayside when your home no

longer has those walls around the sides and no longer

 with the roof overhead, are meals….

Meals are not something that is often encountered

on the streets, not in any regular sense, anyway. 

And “meals” on the streets are different than real meals.

 On the streets, a “meal” turns into anything that fills you,

and fills that empty void of your stomach…. Crumbs here, a few pieces there,

 or whatever you can find, is a meal. Eating becomes inconsistent, at best,

very sporadic-- getting pieces and slivers here and there along the way...

 meals have long since taken leave, and “Meals” themselves take

 on a whole new meaning when you are on the streets. Whatever you

 have to dine on, whether it be some bread, a piece of fruit, sometimes

not even a whole fruit, but a slice or two, or perhaps a wedge of apple or

 orange, a yogurt, a piece of cheese... these become 'meals'.

And each by themselves are separate meals. 

But nothing close to what a real meal consists of, much

 less the 3 meals a day, or the 5 smaller meals

 that have become more popular of late….that “we are supposed to have”.

 That never happens, not when you do not have a real home to store, prepare and

cook real food. You are left to whatever is around you… and already prepared.

Which, in and of itself poses a host of other problems on its own…..

 having to rely on the food prepared by others, you are

 putting your faith, health, and life, literally, in their hands and can only

hope they practice good hygiene and wash their hands as they are required

to do, but that rarely is the case. I have been on the receiving end of several

dozens, if not hundreds, of cases of food poisoning because of the ill preparation

 in the way the food was handled and made.  

So the ones, like myself, who have to fully rely on pre-made foods prepared

 by others, it makes life on the streets that much harder to bare…… the very little nutrition you have at your disposal, turns toxic after you ingest it because some employee decides to use the bathroom then return to work without washing their hands, or immersed in cleaning, then prepare foods after handling the dirty mop water and broom/mop handles without washing their hands. They give absolutely no thought if or how their actions will affect anyone else. They do not see any need to wash their hands, since

 they don’t “look” dirty, so they must be clean. 

 My system has been torn up, time and again because of the actions of others, 

or rather the lack of actions when preparing food for others, to the point of most

 food now causes the unbearable, excruciating pain and all the

wonderful accruements that accompany it.

So eating becomes more of a challenge in every regard.

Living on the streets, especially when it is by the illegal actions of a landlord that forced you out,

 becomes even more limited and stretched thinner and thinner, where resources that

you need are nowhere to be found.  Having to eat “whatever” and prepared by “whoever” takes

 a hard toll on your body, sometimes in devastating and catastrophic ways that we are

forced to suffer through and endure.

Compounded even more when you do not have ready access to a restroom, and then when you

 do have access, you are on stage, with a full on audience, judging and commenting

 on your very presence and instead of offering any kind of help, they just add to the misery

 you are forced to contend with. Your every action, every breath,

every step is always on public display.

It is challenging enough having to deal with the hand life has dealt you,

but then when you have to be subjected to people’s ugliness on top of that, it makes

being present the worst experience imaginable.

A New Loss...

   A New Loss…..A Blessing very short lived

After more than a decade and a half of barely existing around the periphery of life, of society…. 

Of humanity…. Of being forced to live on the cold, brutal streets, I was blessed by being given a 

vehicle, albeit one that needed absolutely everything repaired or replaced on it…. Literally, absolutely 

everything from the inside out.   But, it was finally a roof overhead, which was the real purpose of the 

vehicle, the first roof I have had over my head in over 16 years, that at least afforded me some shelter 

from the elements, as well as from the 2 legged animals of the human variety, was taken from me shortly 

after it was gifted on me, by the actions of an ill-trained, new Starbucks delivery driver who smashed the

 back end by pulling in the wrong way, then trying to correct his position, destroyed the only roof I finally 

had over my head, taking not only the only shelter I had, but my home, as well. Forcing me back out to 

the debris of elements, .... of human waste.....and various visitors of the streets, once more.  

Apparently, any kind of shelter or home, in any regard, is not to be for me in this lifetime.

Perhaps it was for the best, as I was just working on getting things taken care of, bit by bit, and found a 

great mechanic willing to work with me… allowing me to pay what I could, as I could. Something you 

just don’t find anymore. But it was truly a mixed blessing, to say the least, as I had a very difficult time of 

trying to even get the requirements of the law for it taken care of, or even to just be in possession of it…. 

All the state junk like: the license, tags, registration, smog, insurance….just for starters. And in the 

process of all that, attempt all the repairs needed on it, little by little, piece by time consuming piece….

until it was taken from me. Seems my entire life has been a by-product of someone else’s actions 

against me, where I am left paying the price of what they did, or have done.

It was parked in a Safeway lot, and a new Starbucks delivery driver did not know what he was doing, or 

how to drive the delivery truck, smashed the back end of my vehicle, my home….. and once again, 

literally left me out in the cold.

The insurance company refused to repair the vehicle from the damage caused by the driver, citing that the 

damage done was greater than what the value of the vehicle was, so they totaled it out, and only 

extended the barest minimum of what the perceived value of the value was, barely enough to even eat on, 

but not enough to put another roof over my head, mobile or otherwise.

So, I was blessed for the briefest of time, before that was taken from me.

This loss, yet Another loss, happened on December 5, 2015…. thanks to a negligent, irresponsible delivery 

driver who did not know what he was doing or how to park...more things destroyed and taken away from 

me because of his actions as he backed straight into my home...  Leaving me devastated in its wake. 

My life has been filled with an endless array of losses…. Each time, leaving a heavier feel in your heart, 

wondering what is the point if the only blessings, the only good to come about in your life, are 

removed so suddenly??? What is the point in living, when it has been made crystal clear, time and 

time again, that you life has no value, no meaning???? And certainly not welcomed, 

in any regard, no matter where you are.

You become more and more resigned to what life has taken from you… as it feels more like a life 

sentence, a punishing life sentence that you were sentenced to without being informed 

of the crime(s) you committed.

Things become even more compounded and increasingly difficult to deal with and endure when you 

have no one to turn to, no place to go when you are forced to live life... whatever your life is, 

on the streets….then when something happens to you physically, such as food poisoning or like 

your back seizing up completely on you out of nowhere, as you are leaning over to brush your teeth, 

or pulling up your pants. Leaving you literally, fully and completely helpless…. Unable to move, 

barely able to breathe, unable to dress, use the bathroom, anything and everything…… there is 

absolutely nothing you can do when that happens, you are literally and in the truest sense at the 

mercy of life. The excruciating pain you are forced to endure and there is 

nothing you can do about it. Nothing.  

Life…..something that is taking the very life out of you!!

Holidays and Winter Season...2015 16th Season of Holiday Cheer and Winter on the Streets

Holidays....   What usually comes to mind when you find the Holidays approaching?  An abundance of food, the warmth of family and friends, games, traditions.  Those still come to mind, even when those Holidays are spent alone, on the streets when you are forced to live your existence outside, without the warmth that the Holidays usually afford people.  Holidays feel different on the streets-- when your life is reduced to the wide open expanse of nature with all her elements, her fury, her constantly changing moods.....

Holidays, like Thanksgiving and Christmas, on the streets never make you feel more alone than at that time, when everyone else is preparing for company, and rich meals shared with many.  This time of year makes you feel even more abandoned and discarded.  After all, no one wants to bring the Homeless into the Warmth and folds of their homes.  Homeless are the Seams of Society, but only barely tolerated around the periphery of humanity, if even then.

Enduring my 16th Holiday and Winter Season on the streets, when there never should have been a single one spent on the Streets.  Each Season taking a harder toll on you in every regard; mentally, physically, spiritually.  You find yourself no longer feeling much of anything.   Life becomes rote, and automatic.  Dreams of having a home, or even the warmth of friends to share it with have long since faded into vapor rising from the ashes....

Being on the streets for so long changes you in ways you could never have imagined, if your time was not spent outside the natural folds of humanity.  You age much quicker on the streets, enduring more, and having less.   Less of life.... of connection, of being accepted.   Less food, less interaction with people, but a lot more interaction with the warmth and friendship of Nature's creatures that you share your life with throughout the long days and endless nights on the streets.   The only true interactions you have.  These wonderfully furry and feathered friends accept you right from the start, whereas their human counterparts, turn their backs to you, ignore you.... going out of their way just to make sure there is no contact, whatsoever.

I cannot begin to tell you what being forced to live on the streets, day after day, week after week, and endless year after year does to you.  It is truly indescribable.  You become different than you were, and much harder, as though your heart is filling with wet cement that is slowing drying you out from the inside.   Life was never promised to be easy, but we WERE promised a life of abundance and prosperity, a life not meant to harm, but to flourish.  Seems that is a promise that was broken long ago.  Because life has been anything but what was promised, in every regard.

So here I stand, enduring another harsh, cruel winter and Holiday Season on the streets.  It never gets any easier to face, but rather life becomes more of a blur.  A Life Sentence of perpetual punishment for a crime you never committed, but are held in contempt for doing.

Thanksgiving....alone on the streets, again and again.

Another Holiday Season is upon us..... another one spent on the streets, alone.  Spending another Holiday Season in the park, with a stack of books.  Thanksgiving was spent in the quiet park....My only company, aside from my furry and feathered friends, are the cops, harassing me for just being present.  Never once have they questioned anyone else around me, "requesting" their ID's, then perpetually running their information, time and time and time again, for the zillionth time, just for being present.  But they have zeroed in on me, for nearly 2 solid decades.  Never once just letting me be.  It isn't right.  And then they wonder why those of us out here, have no respect for them.  So, another Holiday Season is here, making this my 16th one to endure on the streets.  Wondering why I bother.  This is not a life......   but barely an existence. 

My heart feels heavier in my chest.  And the days become, or rather have already become, just one long season, where nothing changes, but then everything does.   The endless days, and then endless nights, are nothing I look forward to, but rather, another day closer to this punishing life sentence finally coming to an end.   Holidays are harder to deal with on the streets, only in the sense that not only is there no one to share them with, but every place is closed, making it more of a challenge to do anything, like clean up for the day, or change. 

When life, your life, has no meaning or purpose, is there really a point in being present?   When your life matters to no one, what is the point?   You find yourself just going through the motions, where everyday mirrors the last, then the one before that, and after that.....Holidays  mean absolutely nothing anymore.   Just another day of enduring the streets, in the barest sense.  

Becoming Citizens of Life, Residents of Nowhere..... the very moment you are forced to live your life, or the remainder thereof, on the streets.  Where the protection under the law and justice are no longer in effect to you when you have no physical residence to call H O M E.  You come to realize some truly unjust things about the "Protection under the Law and Justice for all its Citizens", when your life is conformed to the streets.

That protection doesn't exist or extend to you when those precious walls and roof are taken from you.  And you find Justice is nothing but mere words, holding no substance.   Nothing is taken seriously when you are on the streets; such as when you need to report an assault, theft, muggings....and the like.   Reports are thrown away, charges dismissed or never filed to begin with, your integrity is always suspect, and flip remarks are directed right in your face with "what do you expect, putting yourself out there like that?".   Regardless of how you came to be on the streets, such as through and by the illegal activities and actions of a despicable landlord, where you had no control over what happened.  

Even when a respected person in the community with clout, takes you to file a report, you are booted from the room, so they can question your integrity.  Only to toss out the report because of your given circumstance.   Protection under the Law and Justice for all, becomes nothing more than a cruel joke when life is on the streets.