Thanksgiving Notes..

 

Thanksgiving Notes...

From a Life on the Streets...

Life can definitely take a cruel, hard turn at any

moment. And leave you reeling for the rest of

your life. I have had moments like this.

Many moments... And one of the Cruelest

I have been hit with and left with, was being forced

to live, or rather merely exist, in the shadows of

the Periphery of Society, of Humanity, and

of Life itself. Being forced out onto the

streets by and through the illegl actions from

a despicable landlord was the cruel, hard turn

I was never prepared for. And no amount

of training could prepare anyone to live

permanently without a home as I have been.

Heading into My 23^rd Holiday and Winter

Season of being forced to live on the streets. A sentence

that should be reserved only for the cruelest of

humanity as punishment for their crimes.

I no longer look forward to the Holidays, to

Winters and all the unbalanced weather.

Holidays used to hold a special place in my

heart... as the air turned more electric and pulsed

with its own heartbeat... and the Season would fill

with magic. Hearts were softened, grudges were

put aside, there was less judgement.

But that has long since passed... and the air has

become toxic with Hate and Anger, Fear and War.

A Culture that now stews and brews, marinating

in grudges and disagreements.

Spending Holidays, and endless Seasons

on the streets takes a tremendous toll on every

fiber of your being and is beyond Draining.

And there is no Celebrating... No feeling

of belonging, not involved and included,

especially when it comes to Holidays.

Holidays become just another day on the streets...

feel exactly the same as every other day of the

year. The Fairy Dust that the Holidays

used to be filled with has long since vanished and

lost its Magic. I dread Holidays now. Have for

a Long time. But I still want to believe

they hold Promise... And Hope.

That there is Always a Better

to come about at some point;

Better Circumstances, Better Living

Arrangements.... Hope that Life itself will

finally be GOOD.

Even though I have no excitement

toward the Holidays and no longer look

forward to any of them... I am Grateful

to have what I need, for the moment.

I am filled with Gratitude for all

the incredible help and support from

the Community I have received all year.

Helping me with Water, with necessities,

with my vehicle. Restoring my mobility to a

greater degree. For allowing me into their

Homes to care for their lives, their plants and

their cherished pets... Trusting me with

all they treasure. I am deeply grateful.

Living on the streets, Holidays look

nothing like the Commercialized Versions that so

many take for granted, because so many

have those same versions they adopted, so they

look and feel like what people expect.

But on the streets, there are no expectations.

No Holiday Traditions, no schedules, no

meals to make... On the streets, Holidays

are just another day unfolding like all the

others and start and end just like every day

of the year.

I am Thankful

A New Loss...

   A New Loss…..A Blessing very short lived

After more than a decade and a half of barely existing around the periphery of life, of society…. 

Of humanity…. Of being forced to live on the cold, brutal streets, I was blessed by being given a 

vehicle, albeit one that needed absolutely everything repaired or replaced on it…. Literally, absolutely 

everything from the inside out.   But, it was finally a roof overhead, which was the real purpose of the 

vehicle, the first roof I have had over my head in over 16 years, that at least afforded me some shelter 

from the elements, as well as from the 2 legged animals of the human variety, was taken from me shortly 

after it was gifted on me, by the actions of an ill-trained, new Starbucks delivery driver who smashed the

 back end by pulling in the wrong way, then trying to correct his position, destroyed the only roof I finally 

had over my head, taking not only the only shelter I had, but my home, as well. Forcing me back out to 

the debris of elements, .... of human waste.....and various visitors of the streets, once more.  

Apparently, any kind of shelter or home, in any regard, is not to be for me in this lifetime.

Perhaps it was for the best, as I was just working on getting things taken care of, bit by bit, and found a 

great mechanic willing to work with me… allowing me to pay what I could, as I could. Something you 

just don’t find anymore. But it was truly a mixed blessing, to say the least, as I had a very difficult time of 

trying to even get the requirements of the law for it taken care of, or even to just be in possession of it…. 

All the state junk like: the license, tags, registration, smog, insurance….just for starters. And in the 

process of all that, attempt all the repairs needed on it, little by little, piece by time consuming piece….

until it was taken from me. Seems my entire life has been a by-product of someone else’s actions 

against me, where I am left paying the price of what they did, or have done.

It was parked in a Safeway lot, and a new Starbucks delivery driver did not know what he was doing, or 

how to drive the delivery truck, smashed the back end of my vehicle, my home….. and once again, 

literally left me out in the cold.

The insurance company refused to repair the vehicle from the damage caused by the driver, citing that the 

damage done was greater than what the value of the vehicle was, so they totaled it out, and only 

extended the barest minimum of what the perceived value of the value was, barely enough to even eat on, 

but not enough to put another roof over my head, mobile or otherwise.

So, I was blessed for the briefest of time, before that was taken from me.

This loss, yet Another loss, happened on December 5, 2015…. thanks to a negligent, irresponsible delivery 

driver who did not know what he was doing or how to park...more things destroyed and taken away from 

me because of his actions as he backed straight into my home...  Leaving me devastated in its wake. 

My life has been filled with an endless array of losses…. Each time, leaving a heavier feel in your heart, 

wondering what is the point if the only blessings, the only good to come about in your life, are 

removed so suddenly??? What is the point in living, when it has been made crystal clear, time and 

time again, that you life has no value, no meaning???? And certainly not welcomed, 

in any regard, no matter where you are.

You become more and more resigned to what life has taken from you… as it feels more like a life 

sentence, a punishing life sentence that you were sentenced to without being informed 

of the crime(s) you committed.

Things become even more compounded and increasingly difficult to deal with and endure when you 

have no one to turn to, no place to go when you are forced to live life... whatever your life is, 

on the streets….then when something happens to you physically, such as food poisoning or like 

your back seizing up completely on you out of nowhere, as you are leaning over to brush your teeth, 

or pulling up your pants. Leaving you literally, fully and completely helpless…. Unable to move, 

barely able to breathe, unable to dress, use the bathroom, anything and everything…… there is 

absolutely nothing you can do when that happens, you are literally and in the truest sense at the 

mercy of life. The excruciating pain you are forced to endure and there is 

nothing you can do about it. Nothing.  

Life…..something that is taking the very life out of you!!