Birthdays By the Wayside..... My 20th One On the Streets

 

Birthdays... Unremembered

This marks my 20^th Birthday spent on the streets, unremembered by

anyone but myself.... and really, what is the point of Remembering it?

Spent every number from 0-9, and every combination thereof, of them

by myself, on the streets without anyone caring what day it is.

20 Birthdays.... and an untold more to follow

spent on the streets.

Facing my 21^st Anniversary of having to live on the streets, while

heading into a devastating 22^nd Holiday and Winter Season,

Outside, without a home. So much history has happened

within that time, while my History and existence is

being erased into dust.... Well into my 3^rd Decade of

being forced to live outside, without a home.

All the Milestone Birthdays, and the ones that are the

major Markers... all of which, spent on the streets,

Unremembered, Unacknowledged.

Birthdays, just like Holidays, have turned into a Single,

Never-ending Day that goes on forever. Where

everything blends and blurs in a continuous loop.

This one, much like last year's, are so similar, they could

be mirror images.... Fires burning down the state, leaving

so much heart-wrenching hallowed out devastation, while the

skies are blanketed in a murky overcast of smoke,

making the air unbreathable with the thick, heavy smoke

and fumes clogging the air for weeks and months on end.

Still being forced to wear the Suffocation Devices they

call “Face Masks”, as a permanent fixture to our faces, regardless

of the severe health damage they cause, they ignore real

science because it does not fit with their Agenda.

The Government is Aggressively pushing the “Vaccines”

on us, and forcibly Mandating Vaccines in order to

be allowed to be part of life...

That is not a life... and Not a Life I wish to be

part of, Not Now... NOT EVER!!

That isn't living and is not a life worth living,

in any regard. We are Here to LIVE OUR Lives,

not to merely exist at the Government's Command, as their

Puppets on a string, forcing us all to become their

Human Robots...Where we are no longer allowed our Humanity,

Our Voices, Our Lives, Our Bodies. All of which have been seized

by a Government that has forgotten we are Human Beings,

and NOT their property to Destroy, by any means

they choose.

Controlling everything we do, where we go, how we interact,

what we wear, Humanitarian Law is something our Government

is choosing to ignore. Forcing citizens to Comply to their

Agenda, against US.

My Life, My health, My Body are NOT Government issued.

And I refuse to be part of their

Science Experiment as a forced Lab Rat.

So another birthday spent on the streets, in the unbreathable,

                               Smokey air... and no way to get out of the air, no place to go.

Not how I had hoped to spend the day, My Day....

My Birthday, Another Decade of Life, the end of one...

and the beginning of another. And the previous one has

carried right over in continuation into the next.

Our Lives and Health being Decimated by the health

destroying, soul crushing mandates from Hell, which have

become a permanent toxic, destructive, unwelcome

addition to our lives, that has turned living into the worst

Nightmare, a nightmare we will never be able to wake from!

A Very Cruel and Barbaric way to “Celebrate”

another year of being on this planet.

Birthday Greetings from this Prison, formerly

called L I F E.

Birthday Dreams...

Birthday Dreams…

My birthday dream, wish, hope and prayer for today….

Is something I will never have in my life…

My 17^th birthday spent on the streets…. Coming into my 18^th Anniversary of

having to live on the streets, and heading into my 19^th Holiday Season 

without a home. People have been born and already completed 

high school in the lifetimes I have been forced to live life on the streets.

Not a place anyone should have to spend their lives,

much less their birthdays. Or any Holidays, for that matter.

Being cast to the side, sidelined from the mainstreams of life.

A day that really should never have come about, in any sense of 

the word.  Life takes cruel turns and sharp veers off the roads…..

and drops you from any semblance that life once held.

I never imagined that life, my life, would be halted indefinitely, 

forced to live on the streets that all started by and through the 

illegal actions of a landlord, and perpetuated by the cruel system 

that claims to offer their so-called “help”, but only if you fit the 

extremely narrow confines of the requirements; 

have the life destroying habits of 

- cigarettes, 

- alcohol,

- chemical dependencies,

- or have dependent children,

- be an illegal immigrant,

- or be a senior citizen.

When you are clean, nothing in the form of any assistance exists.

My life being removed right before my very eyes….

My Birthday Wish…. My Birthday Hope….My Birthday Prayer…

is to feel amazing, be pain free, and live in the privacy of my own home.

Have the privacy to use a real bathroom for all I need to do, instead of 

being on full display every moment of the day and all through the night…

have a real kitchen to cook, prepare and store foods,

have a real bed to sleep in and finally get the rest my body has been

deprived of for decades. And just BE without having the cops

called on me for just being present, or being harassed

for not having a home to go to.

Decades of my life have been removed and discarded.

Those years cannot be restored or replaced.

And not ones I want to remember.

So Happy Birthday to me, again……

Another one without a home and alone.

A life that is becoming more wasted and withered with

each passing moment having to spend it outside.

Life atrophying with each breath…like a decaying residue.

Happy Birthday!!!

Birthday Greetings from Myself to Myself...

Another Birthday, just another day...   

Yet another birthday spent on the streets, alone.  Just another day, another un-acknowledged presence.  Days repeating themselves, blending together where you can no longer tell where one ends and another begins.  Birthdays, holidays, or any day that holds any special meaning... really lets you know if people truly care or if their words were just that...   words.  Never having these days acknowledged, just dismissed and discarded and turned meaningless, unless you have that precious commodity called a home and are surrounded by people who actually care.   And this tells me that should I die, right here and now, no one would blink twice, much less give it a second thought.

When you are forced to live your life on the streets, all that evaporates...   your very presence, a permanent stain that society cannot wash out, not for the lack of trying, though.  Very brutally and harshly, at that.  Though the mark it leaves on your heart and soul can never be erased, starts to corrode the very essence of you.  Hope slips further away into the background as the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, then endless years tick by-- bringing you to the realization that your presence doesn't matter, has never mattered, and you are not likely to ever see or feel that so much sought after place of being in a H O M E.

September 1, 2013 marks my 13th year anniversary of being forced out onto the streets by and through the illegal actions of a crummy, despicable landlord.  The illusions of ever having a home has faded away...  I wonder why I keep pushing forward... to what end???   Since it has become quite apparent that this is where I'll spend the rest of my days--  merely existing, or rather languishing in obscurity until my existence is completely erased and extinguished out.  

I have never once experienced that love-affair of life that most do, it's never had that pull or draw to me.  Life has truly shown her dark side to me-- experiencing the worst of it.  Still waiting for the coin to flip, get a little glimpse of the other side, the top side.  I hear rumors that it exists ~

This will be my 14th Holiday Season out here.  Just remembering to breathe and wondering why I bother.  I knew life was going to pose some challenges, but to be so very disheartening and devastating every moment of it?  Being "monitored" by the cops, who in turn have set their sites on their target, ME.  Zeroed in on me, time and again.  Citing me just for being present.  Their constant harassment just for not having the luxury of a home.  Followed, like an endless nightmare that never lets go.  Making it that much more challenging to face another day, another night.   Just to face more of the same.

I often wonder what I was brought here to do, what my purpose is, or should have been.  There must be a reason I was put out here, and perhaps that was to be a value to others...   in whatever capacity that may be.  Though, I have no idea what that is.  Perhaps of my telling of my experience out here, they will be able to navigate the harsher waters of being homeless, helping them to wade through the muck and mire of it, knowing they are not the only ones to have gone through the challenges it poses, in all regards.  And be able to lead them through, somehow.