The Christmas Mirror...
Life on the Streets
Christmas has circled around once again. Another
Mirror Season.... Reflecting back the same, time and
again. My 24th Christmas and Holiday and Winter
Season without a home. Never should there have
been a single Season outside, without a home and
it has been nearly a quarter of a Century now.
I could fill several libraries with the Volumes of
experience I have from the streets. Witnessing
the un-witnessable, experiencing the unimaginable,
living in a world that few can fathom. A world
that has completely fused itself to my heart,
body and soul, where I cannot say where
I end or where the streets begin, or where
the streets end and I begin... as we have
become interchangeable.
Christmas time on the streets is much like any other
day outside... with the exception of everything and
every place being closed and it is quieter as the
traffic of cars and people have slowed and calmed.
And the air is a different mix than usual...
filled with electric currents that you can feel,
coupled with the quiet calm that settles like fallen
leaves that brings a reverent Hush all around.
No, this is not how I ever wished or hoped to spend
Christmas, or any holiday or any day of the year,
on the streets, without a home as a permanent
resident outside. But this is where every day is
spent, regardless of the time of year or what day
it is or what it represents... Day after day, week
after week, month after month, year after
year, which has turned into DECADES.
It is easy to get lost in the days outside...
Being completely consumed and enveloped whole
by them and immersed within each one. When living
on the streets you become very present of every
moment while at the same time lose yourself
entirely in time's suspension.
With no place to go or be, especially when you need a
place to rest your body when your back wrenches out
on you, making it impossible to get around because the
pain splintering, spidering and ripping you to shreds
with every breath.. My body seizes in rupturing
pain that immobilizes me to a statue,
unable to move, or shift position.
Not being able to do anything or go anywhere,
not like I have any place to go, then made worse
with my back malfunctioning, Hiking will not be
happening this Christmas. But I think back to last
Christmas and the beauty of that hike. I Reflect and
thank the universe for allowing it then. It is rare
to remember Holidays on the streets, but this
is the 2nd one that I will never forget
I know some were immersed in stormy weather,
some were sun filled and pleasant, and some were
filled with brutal, destructive high winds. But they
have blurred in memory... But not these last two
are crystal clear. I lose count of how many times
my back has gone out on me... several thousand,
and started before birth, my birth, and has
continued its endless assault on me since
then and I still don't know why it happens,
or how. It comes out of nowhere and strikes
without warning. hitting hard and fast.
It makes no difference what I am doing or what
position I am in. Sitting, laying down, walking,
dressing or undressing, pulling on my shoes,
brushing my teeth, picking up a pen...
it doesn't matter.
And this time it hit on Christmas Day. Being on
the streets is challenging enough as it is, but then
my body adding insult to injury, I have no
words to describe how it
affects my life.
Much like the endless, excruciating painful muscle
seizures through my legs and feet that have
happened my entire life. Charlie Horses from hell
that immediately seize my leg and feet muscles
then refusing to release its grip, and leaving
the areas extremely sore, tender and painful.
And since the pain has completely grounded
me this Christmas, I am spending the day
meditating and being thankful.
Another Christmas outside.
Christmas 2023
