The Breaking Dawn...
23rd Anniversary of Living on the Streets...
A Time.... To Reflect
The start of this Century was the Beginnings of a
Journey I never wanted to take, much less be on for the
rest of my life, as a Permanent Resident of the Streets...
The harsh realities of living on the streets, outside, without
a home, is a test of true endurance. Most cannot withstand
the heavy, rigorous life shredding reality that living on the
streets presents... that is why most break with reality.
They just snap into themselves, and can no longer
trust their brain, as it betrays them in the most
devastating ways that are truly unimaginable,
until you are directly in the midst of it.
The harsh rigors of living in the Raw 24/7 eats away
at your heart and soul, taking a tremendously hard
toll on your body, your health and your life.
You must have a strong foundation and foundational core,
or you will crack hard and splinter in ways that can never
be mended and healed again. At the breaking point is
the start of where insanity truly begins. I have seen it
happen and witnessed when the point
of no return unfolded.
Living on the streets, you must be able to bend and
move within the restrictive constraints street life forces
upon you. But the majority are not able to adjust to the
harsh reality of being on the streets and turn to any
methods they can to suspend that reality by using and
abusing drugs, alcohol, smoking cigarettes, pot and
assorted other life destroying substances
and inhaling methods.
Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually.... you need
to care for you, every part of you, living on the streets, to a
much greater degree than when you are supported with a
physical home that offers safety and protection, because
that is not there outside in the open where everything
and anything can, and often does, happen without
warning.
Living outside leaves you vulnerable in every
regard, and your body has been turned inside out
like a live wire. You live in Survival Mode, 24/7,
every moment of every day, and night without end.
We are used regularly as people's target practice just
for being present and visible. And our very presence
brings out the worst of the worst of humanity, with
rare exception, while our very presence has
become a crime for not having a home.
Not welcome wherever you are, or where you go,
and cannot be where you are. Unlivable lives merely
existing where you are not allowed to BE and
have nowhere to go.
Out in the elements with no protection, all the bugs
greedily feeding on you through the night, using
you as their personal buffet, anytime, leaving their
marks like tattoos all over your body.
Facing this for a few days is taxing, but having to face
this for not just days on end, or weeks on end, or months
on end... but when you are facing this Permanently,
as the days, weeks, months and years turn into DECADES
and your daily diet consists of this, it does affect you, in
absolutely everything you do and how you do it.
It not only affects your thoughts, your body, your
health... but consumes your entire life. Living on the
streets embeds into every fiber of your being like
a Cyborg, where the streets literally
become who you are.
Your edges harden and sharpen, you learn to stop
reaching out to others for help or support, especially
when it comes to the so-called “Service Providers”,
who are there in name only. They receive massive
amounts of funding to help those outside, without a
home, without the safety or protection of having a
solid foundation... But only “help” those who
choose to destroy their lives through substance
abuse, nicotine, narcotics, alcohol or are illegal
immigrants or have dependent children.
They are not there for those of us that do not fit into
their narrative of who can and will receive “help”.
That is why, decade after DECADE, the Outdoor
arena remains my living space. I do not drink, or smoke,
or use or abuse drugs, I am not an illegal immigrant
and have no dependent children. As the chasms widen
further and extend farther away, I have fallen
further and deeper through the cracks.
I never developed, or even made the attempt to try,
any of the life destroying habits that so many choose
just to receive the most dismal of "assistance”. I have
never been an experimenter with my body or my
health. No drugs, no drinking, no smoking of any
kind, no tattoos, no body piercings, no hair dyeing,
perming, straightening, bleaching, coloring... I have
never fit the paradigm through any stage of life.
And I never have and never will fit the paradigm
of the stereotypical, commercialized version
of what homeless individuals are supposed
to look like, be like, act like or smell like.
So living through, or rather still existing, around the
periphery of life as my 23rd anniversary of being
forced to live on the streets has circled
back to another year.
Not an anniversary I have ever wanted to experience,
and not one that should have ever happened, but
did and the years continue to add up.
Twenty-Three years in this Century.... and
twenty-three years (...and counting) of life
without a home that all started by and through
the illegal actions of a despicable landlord that I
have been forced to pay the price for.
Life on the streets...
A Challenging Life, to
say the least
