Anniversaries…
Life
on the Streets….19th Anniversary
When
the word Anniversary is spoken or written, it is generally connected
with
Celebrations; Weddings, Graduations….but sometimes Anniversaries
hold
deeper meanings; deaths of loved ones, something truly tragic has
happened
in your life, or a circumstance was forced upon you.
The
latter is the type of anniversary I am talking about here. Though
there
are
many other anniversaries I face; the deaths and the tragic events…
they
each come about once a year, throughout the year. But the
anniversary
of being Homeless, is Every Day of the Year.
19
years ago today I was forced out of my home by and through the
illegal
actions of a truly despicable
Landlord for refusing to “service”
him.
Regardless
of the fact I was never late on my rent and usually paid a
few
days early because I was not home when
it was due. So This
is
my
19th year anniversary of living life on the streets;
without
the
comfort and security of a home, without the privacy of my own
bathroom,
without the means to eat properly or regularly (because there
is
no place to store, prepare or cook foods), without the comfort of a
real
bed
and being able to get the much needed rest my body needs. And this
anniversary
is the one that has done the most damage.
Being
Homeless hollows you out, and guts you like nothing else can,
taking
a tremendous toll, physically, while taking so much away from you.
Not
to mention the devastating affects living on the streets does to your
health
and
internal effects; receding gums, hair loss, bone loss plus a host of
other
effects that are brought on by malnutrition too many to list.
Mentally
and emotionally, it hardens you like dried cement…
Your
heart deadening in your chest and you are left as a
passerby
in and a bystander of your own life.
Facing
my 19th full year on the streets is devastating on its
own, but add in
all
the rest, and then being able to convey what that means to your life…
words
just vanish from all thought. After experiencing yet another
Birthday
on the streets, ignored and passed by, aside from having my info
taken
by another officer, who proceeded to lecture me along with his
partner,
which was my 18th
one once more not
acknowledged,
while
heading into my 20th
Holiday and Winter Season.
You
would be very hard pressed to find another circumstance in
life
that is as hard and challenging and difficult to bare as
living
on the streets has been, and continues to be.
Living,
or rather barely existing along the fringes of life….
None
of the Anniversaries in my life are ones I look forward to
seeing
pass. With each one, especially the ones on the street,
just
brings a deeper emptiness to my heart and soul. Meaning
from
life has all but evaporated into the energy of the living.
And
living, in the truest sense, is eliminated, and in it’s place….
Survival.
Survival
mode is your entire existence living on the streets.
You
stay on high alert 24/7. Which then becomes second nature,
because
youlive it day-in, day-out, every day… every moment.
Living
life on the very edge of existence.
I
never pictured or dreamed about living life indefinitely without a
home,
being
readily denied and refused assistance because of how I present
myself
and for the life destroying habits that I never picked up,
much
less considered even trying. But enduring 18 birthdays now,
my
full 19th year anniversary and facing my 20th
Holiday and
Winter
season still
homeless,
Residentially Challenged, whichever
you
prefer,living
on the streets…has become a
never-ending
nightmare I cannot wake from.
The
Nightmare that Never Ends...
A
life I didn’t choose, but was forced on me by and through the
illegal
actions
of a despicable human being…. And decades later,
still
paying the heavy, steep price of his actions.
My
life can no longer be separated from the streets, because I have
become
so fused with it, I cannot tell where I end and the streets begin,
or
where the streets end and I begin, as they
are
one in the same. Life...Disintegrating before my
very
eyes, and living it every breath.
Another
Anniversary I will never forget….
But
wishing I could erase forever.
