Monday, December 25, 2017

Christmas Hope... 2017


Christmas Hope....2017



Christmas 2017.... Christmas, a time of HOPE, FAITH, LOVE..... and MIRACLES.
When you live life on the streets, 24/7.... it takes a hard toll on your person,
your heart, your faith... Your life and health. It hits every aspect of your life,
in ways you could never imagine. Another Christmas on the streets, quite
literally, being left out in the cold. While being sidelined from my own life.

When you hit rock bottom and get mired in the depths of it....
sometimes kindness and hope seeps in through the most
unexpected ways, and leaves you breathless.

I realize that hope and faith are never truly lost, they just get buried, deeply,
under life's debris... But access to it has been blocked and sometimes
requires outside help to gain access once more. It takes so little..
A kind word or two, a warm greeting, a genuine smile. As these are the
access codes to retrieving hope lost, and restoring the faintest hint of faith.

And the time of year this comes about is Christmastime....
perhaps it is something in the air; the rich vibrancy of frenetic energy,
the smells of seasoned wood burning in fireplaces, cooking.... Or perhaps
it is just that people's attitudes changes a bit toward those
of us out here during this season of giving that restores hope and faith
ever so slightly. It's a Gift that doesn't happen too often. Whatever it is,
it brings the long dormant feelings of Hope, Love and Faith out of
dormancy and to the surface, and becomes accessible.

I still have dreams (albeit very vague, at best) of finally having a real home;
a place where I could finally sleep and get the much needed rest my body
has been deprived of for far too long; a real kitchen to store, prepare,
and cook real food...., a private bathroom to do my personal, very private
things that have been put on and displayed for all the world to see.
But they are nothing more than dreams.

When you need a hand up, not a handout.... because life on the streets is
definitely a life disruptor...… you need help getting back up, not more
things to keep you down, while pushing you further 
down the bottomless hole without end.

Helping is not enabling the preconceived “bad behavior” that those
of us on the streets are automatically assumed to partake in,
when that is rarely the case, in reality. We are people, most of whom
have been forced to live, or rather merely exit without actually
existing, into a circumstance not of our choosing, but having
to make the best of a bad situation.

Having to live every moment of my life on the streets in full view of the
public movie screen, day-in, day-out and every night thereafter....
is certainly a game changer. Being denied the comforts of a real home.....
changes not only how you live and survive, but every one of your habits change.
Personal grooming and hygiene, using the restroom, eating (when you can),
sleeping (if and when that happens).... nothing is private.

Every moment of your life on public display, every breath taken,
every blink of your eyes, every step taken, and
every seat taken to sit and rest for the briefest time.

The only difference between you and “us” is nothing more than our
home environment. We live, we breathe, we feel.... just like everyone else.
Though, because of our circumstance, we are denied living as
most people are allowed to do, and living on the streets ages you decades
in the briefest amount of time, because you don't have the comforts of home....
you are in the elements every moment of the day, and all through
the night, season after endless season. The only ones who card
me now are the cops, though I do nothing to be carded for.... But being present.

So when the Holidays come around, especially Christmas.... those of us
living outside catch glimpses of real humanity.... not much of it, mind you,
but a glimpse that deep down, most people have a heart and they care.
Some of that trickles down to us as you walk past us without
usually even giving us a kind look, or even a warm smile,
much in the way of acknowledgment of any kind,
not in a good, kind way, that is.

But when Christmas comes about-- kindness, warmth, generosity
are more frequent visitors that makes a world of difference.
Even just taking a moment to connect with someone
outside, changes things. It gives us a slight glimmer of HOPE....
that brighter days are ahead, and not all behind us.

Life has a way of never turning out the you wanted... the way you hoped for,
and dreamed about. I never dreamed I would be spending my life
on the streets,.... but after breathing every breath for the last 18 Holiday and
Winter Seasons outside tells me, in a very real sense,
life doesn't care what you want, what has been dreamed
about and longed for for so long.

But there has been a few angels
around me that let me know otherwise, most wearing fur or feathers,
but some upright angels came along my path, as well.

As 2017 comes to a close, I will be so glad to have this year soon to be a
thing of the past. It has not been a kind year, but rather one of the
absolute worst years I have ever experienced. I would be so happy if this
entire year could be erased and never happen. But I will have to settle for it
coming to an end, even if it cannot be erased and forgotten about.

The brief glimpses of humanity, real humanity, that I was blessed to
experience has made this year tolerable.. I have been blessed and deeply
grateful for those rare few that brought love to me out here. So if it had not
been for a select few rare treasures coming into my life this year....
this whole year would have been put on hiatus.