Stranded…
in the middle of life
Left stranded in the middle of life, my life. My lifeline
and mobility taken so violently from me by and through
the actions of another. Making life more challenging
with each moment’s passing after my parked vehicle was
hit and totaled in the middle of the night back in March.
Forced to be a permanent by-stander in my own
life. Finding it harder and harder to be grateful.
Having what I need taken from me, time and again.
Gratitude is not what is filling my heart. Having my
lifeline and mobility taken from me, limiting and
restricting the income I have coming in and the
extraordinary prices that continue to soar further
and farther into the stratosphere plus a plethora
of other issues and challenges that have come
about and more rising with each moment as a
direct result of having no vehicle.
Struggling to find and truly feel Gratitude in the seams
and tears in the fabric of life, in just trying to take care
of the barest essentials, which have now become luxuries
that can no longer be had, especially not on foot.
Fall has always been my favorite season; the colors, the
crisp mornings, the rich scents of nature. The colors of
Fall are my colors, the colors I love, the colors I wear
and the colors that work best with my skin tone.
And though I love the Fall season, I am not a fan
of the Holidays, even less so now without mobility.
The only upside to this moment is being inside, however
briefly it may last. And that I am not directly out in the
elements, back on the street with no protection or safety,
like had been the case for a Quarter of a Century.
So not looking forward to a repeat of any of that.
This season, it is truly a mixed blessing.
Feels more cursed than anything. My entire life has felt cursed.
The bad continues to heavily overshadow the good, which has
been sprinkled so sparingly, very little, to say the least. Having
what I need taken from me time and time again makes me wonder
what the hell is the point in even being here, in any regard.
With the Holidays just days away, the hardship of not having
a vehicle continues to mount. I do not have any place to go,
not invited anywhere, but being able to go somewhere,
taken from me. I usually spend the holidays, hiking
(if weather permits) or reading and writing. More often
than not, combining them all together. After gathering
a good collection of books from the library.
This year, it will be spent reading, writing and walking
Paul’s dog, Abby. Abby and I sharing our day together.
I am grateful to have at least Abby to share the time with.
I am tremendously blessed and so deeply grateful to
have a roof over my head for the time being, and I know
how huge it is to have this roof over my head, especially
after being forced to live on the hard, rough streets for
a few months short of a Quarter of a Century.
And having this roof over my head, here and now, is
what is pulling me into the spirit of gratitude.
Left Stranded….
