A Life... On Repeat

 

A Million Times Over...

It feels like I have lived this exact life millions and millions of times,

trapped in a nightmare that never ends, and I can never wake from

living the same life, over and over and over again,

a million times over and beyond...

Everything, absolutely everything in this life has always given me a

feeling, a very strong feeling, of Deja Vu.... in just about everything

I have experienced. Like I am seeing it happen, before or after it

happens... and living it on repeat, and in the same position or

space. Really weird feeling, to be sure. Like my entire life

has been a continual Deja Vu…every moment of every day.

How many times have I lived this exact life? Is there any way to

find out and somehow finally, finally, be able to change the course,

take a different path.... one that I am supposed to be here for?

I cannot be here for the same life, over and over and over

again, without end. If so, then what the

hell is the point?

And is it really any wonder, then, why I really don't like this thing

called “life”? Since I have been trapped in the same one for eternity

and well beyond? Am I stuck in a Life regression for a reason? What the

hell am I supposed to be learning...? If the lessons are not ones

that I am grasping, how do I learn the damned lessons

already and move forward?

Being forced to live, or rather exist on the barest of humanity's

fumes, outside without a home for decades on end... what the

hell am I supposed to be learning from this nightmare? How to

exist without being allowed to be present? What am I missing?

None of the so-called “Providers” have ever asked me “we are

here to help, what do you need, how can we help?”. But they

have no problem forcing what they want, how they want,

where they want, when they want... which is not what I need.

I have more than served my time. But no matter what

I do or where I go.... the hand up I am in

need of is nowhere in sight.

My whole life has been in need of help and assistance,

and turning in all directions and standing alone at every moment.

So where do I turn? I am really tired of going in circles and finding nothing

but empty space. Recorded empty space, since every breath we take is video

monitored and recorded, every moment of the day and all through the night.

No space or privacy to be found, especially not outside on the public movie

screen that plays 24/7. How do I become the Hero of my own life and

change course? What the hell is “God's Will” in my life? Every direction,

every path I have taken has always been the wrong one.

Just being born was wrong, and something that never should have

happened. Not even my biological “parents” wanted anything

to do with me and discarded me before birth.

Trying to figure out the reason for my life.