Residence….
On the Streets
18
Years and counting….
~September
1, 2018~
Life on
the streets…. Just the mere thought of life on the streets, living
without
a home brings a plethora of images; unwelcome at best, and are
more
like uninvited guests that refuse to leave. When you live on the
streets,
you
witness and experience things that most people will never see,
experience or
encounter
in any way, shape or form, or on any level. Living on the streets
means
you see everything about humanity…. The absolute worst of humanity;
the
undersides if you will, the undersides of life; and some of the
best
people you will ever encounter; From one side of the
spectrum
to the other; the Good, the Bad, and
absolutely
EVERYTHING in between.
This
marks my 18th year anniversary of living on the Streets,
heading
into my
19th Holiday Season on the streets, living without a home.
18 Years
ago on this day, my life veered sharply off course and thrown
into the
rough, choppy waters of life without a home as a
direct
result of the illegal actions of a despicable
landlord
all because I refused to “service” him.
There
never should have been a single anniversary to contend with,
much
less years and years of anniversaries like this.
When you
live outside, 24/7, you are given a LOT of labels, none of which
are kind
or loving, and assumptions and judgments are immediate and swift.
None of
which are fact-based, but based solely on others’ opinions of what
they
believe to be the case without ever knowing what it is they are
conjecturing,
talking about or assuming. They don’t bother with the truth.
The
things that
are affected the most when you are forced to live on
the
streets, without a home are eating and sleeping. Never knowing
when
either will happen, where or for how long. It takes a hard toll on
your
body and health in every way. They
say “everything” happens
for
a reason. But what is the reason forcing me to live every moment
of
my life without a home, on the streets because I do not qualify for
the
so-called assistance that are only there if you meet the stringent
requirements
of addiction to drugs,
alcohol, chemical dependencies, have
dependent
children, are a senior citizen or are an illegal immigrant?
So my
hands are in the air. I no longer know where to turn.
Where do
you go when you have no place to go and the
system
for “helping” is of no help at all, while it denies
and
refuses you the assistance needed?
One of
the hardest questions to answer when you are homeless is when
someone
asks, “Where do you live?”. Because the answer is “I don’t”.
There
is no home, no place to go. I don’t “live” anywhere…. But
merely
exist
all over, nowhere, anywhere and everywhere. How do you answer that?
Then
they always follow with, “You have to live somewhere”.
No, no you don’t.
When you
have no place to live in any sense of the word, there is no
place to
live. Being bounced around from one place to the next just
for
being present. One city to the next, because you have no home,
and cops
insisting your presence without a home, is illegal, while
informing
you of their illegal and unconstitutional “City Ordinances”
for
Homeless “Residents”. Making it a crime to have no home,
regardless
of the reasons why, it is irrelevant to them.
Answering
“Where do you live?” generally begets an extended silence….
Before I
choose to say anything. And of course, it depends on who is asking,
and why.
But when there is no home, and you have no place to go, but
stay
everywhere…. You have no residence and do not reside anywhere for
more
than a
night, or two… sometimes a little longer. Life is lived on the
move,
24/7, around the periphery of society, of Humanity.
Forced
to live over there, not here… keep moving, not this place,
or this
one. Becomes the draining reality of life…. Without a home,
without
a residence…. And without a LIFE that matters to anyone.
Your
life is stripped of everything and only the slightest residue of what
had been
there is all but erased. And any vestiges of HOME….
Are only
in your dreams, if even then.
Life
without meaning… without purpose, becomes a life without end
and
gives no reason for being. And yet, life continues on, regardless.
Hope,
Faith, Love…. Become concepts of thought, that are no longer
present
in life when that life is lived on the streets. Words…. Can do so
much;
give a
glimmer of Hope, keep you in Faith, and lift your spirits, fill you
with
Joy, Fill you with Love… letting you know you matter, and words
can be
used as lethal weapons that destroy and kill.
And when
your life is lived on the streets,
you
receive more of the latter than anything else.
Decades
have been consumed on and by the streets…. Lifetimes, gone.
Watching
my life… and every day thereof, being swallowed whole.
Living
on the streets… turns your life inside-out, and upside down, as
though
your
life was dumped into a blender and set on high, then forgotten about.
Life
without a home, without a residence… living outside, day-in,
day-out,
every
single day of the year, year after endless year Wrenches your heart
and
soul as
it squeezes and twists every last breath from
your
lungs. Your days become a monotone of existence of more of the
same. A
copy of the same photo multiplied a million fold,
and set
on repeat. Becoming a Hallowed out version of a
partial
apparition of a person.
Another
Anniversary, and day and another year in the life of
the
homeless. Set adrift on the sea to a life of nothing
and
nowhere… but everywhere and anywhere.
