A Voided Existence...

A Voided Existence…

Life on the streets…. A Voided Existence. Not seen as a real, living,

breathing, feeling being. But rather viewed and treated as nothing

more than a circumstance. People avoid your friendship, avoid your reaching

out to connect on a level, any level, only to be disregarded time and again,

all because of a circumstance that changes our living

arrangements, but nothing else.

Living on the streets impacts your life in a myriad of ways,

not the least of which is your heart. People are always afraid

of what they don’t understand, but they don’t want to take

the time to do so. Take a close look around, look at the scenery…..

you will notice us if you really take the time to look.

We are people, just like everyone else

on the planet. But that is not what people choose to see when they

look at us without seeing anything but trash and debris,

treating us as such. Sometime, take time to look at us, really see us….

Then take the time to do what most do not; make eye contact,

offer a kind word, or even a friendly and warm “hello”.

Both the giver and the receiver will receive a beautiful gift.

But it all starts by actually taking the time to see the people, and not

the circumstance they find themselves in.

The simple act of just offering a warm friendly greeting benefits

everyone involved. Yet, seems to be the hardest for people to actually do.

If people could donate encouragement, the world would be a much nicer

place to be all around. Imagine what it would be like if people took the

time to consider where and to whom their donations go, when they

donate whether it be to food banks, charities, or shelters…

if they took the time to actually see the recipient of their goods and

services, when the recipient receives the support and encouragement

from items received by and through a note of encouragement that

was included with each of the items.

That would do more good, than the actual donated item.

If only each child were taught and learned that just by being

born, their very presence matters, to life and to the world.

That the world would not be the same without them in it.

That they are valued and their life enhances everyone else’s.

That would be a turning point for the world…. There would no

longer be the massive violence and hate the world over…instead,

there would be compassion, love, and a strong willingness to help

and be involved. Because Love HEALS, where Hate DESTROYS.

Those of us on the street are on the receiving end of HATE in

massive waves, with very little in the way of love

shown to us, for a circumstance we were forced into….

Not one of our choosing. When you hit rock bottom in

all its varied forms….

How wonderful would it be to receive encouragement and support

by a thoughtful message attached to needed clothing or food they

receive from a donation center? Consider adding a little something

in the way of few words of encouragement when you choose to

donate anything in the future, knowing that by doing so you are

sure to brighten someone else’s day that is viewed as being in the gutter,

by society’s standards. See the person behind the circumstance,

and not the circumstance, or set of circumstances, itself.

Let us fill that void of existence that those of us on the

streets are branded and feel on the deepest levels.

An Existence on the Streets... My 17th Anniversary Outside

An Existence on the Streets….

My 17^th Anniversary being outside..

Where there should have never been a single anniversary to face living
on the streets,  today marks my 17^th anniversary of life on the streets.

A mere existence...and wondering how I still find myself breathing, as such as it is.

As I am Heading into my 18^th Holiday Season, and just faced my 16^th Birthday, alone,

on the streets.  Hope; I have no idea what that is anymore.  Faith…. What exactly is that?

Love, does it even exist in this world so filled with violence and hate?

Faith, Hope, Love…. Supposed to be the most natural things in the world….

Become the most unnatural in life.  How do you experience things that do not exist in your life?

Life on the streets… becomes an interminable darkness that fills your heart. 

There is no light at the end of the tunnel…. There is no end to the tunnel.  Your life, your heart and very soul are changed in ways that can never be undone.  A permanent shadow settles over your heart that overshadows
everything else. If everyone working in these so-called places of “assistance” were forced to live on the streets
for even a few days for training, the services and help that those of us out here are denied and refused because we do not fit the role of the stereotype of what a homeless person is supposed to look like, smell and behave like…. There would not be a homeless problem to begin with. And those who actually need the help and assistance would finally receive it. But unfortunately, that is not the way they are trained.  So they impose these “standards of requirements”
for help available for those on the streets. The only way to receive any assistance at all is to
fall into the parameters of substance abuse, alcoholism, smoking, addictions,

having dependent children, be an illegal immigrant or be seniors….

And when you are clean, and do not have any life destroying habits, there is no help at all. 

That is why I am still on the streets after 17 long years…. Still struggling just to survive day by day,
moment by moment. That is why Hope, Faith and Love are not around in my life…..

   I have no hope that I will ever see a roof over my head again, 

not in the truest sense of that word, a real home.

Days and nights have come to be dreaded…. Settling over you like a shroud that cannot be lifted.

The heavy, sludgy stagnant air of the summers are impossible to be in, and made even worse by the
smokers who come right next to you, lighting up and making it impossible to breathe by imposing
their filthy, nasty habit on all around. Giving absolutely no thought or consideration how
their habit affects everyone around them. And when you are extremely allergic to that crap,

smokers make life absolutely miserable for those of us forced to live life on the

streets, lighting up anywhere and everywhere.  Whether they are homeless, or have homes.

I would so love to have them feel what it is like not being able to breathe because someone else imposes
their habit on them, have them feel what it is like having their chest tighten, their lungs burn and constrict
and their throat closing off because of someone else’s nasty habit they force on you…. Perhaps if they were
finally on the receiving end of their filthy habit, they would not be so quick to force that crap down everyone’s
throats.  And most of these people work in healthcare or food service…. Where it literally makes things worse all around. Smokers end up causing more harm than doing any good.  Having your food prepared by a smoker, those nasty fumes infuse the food with the worst flavor in the world, making you ill from it, and in healthcare, you cannot breathe because of someone  else’s habit because the fumes that cling to them tighter than saran wrap..

Smokers believe that once they put out the cigarette, that no one can tell they smoke….

And if you are a smoker, you cannot.  And they do not believe that their filthy, nasty

cloud of fumes even exist.  But when you not only do not smoke, but are extremely

allergic to it….. the fumes come through continuously.  A smell that is ever present and
never goes away once it is there. It makes no difference how long in between cigarettes….. 

  the smell and the fumes are a  permanent fixture, that can never be removed.

Smokers are just one of the many hazards those of us on the street have to face….

Even worse, when those smokers live on the streets, you cannot escape from it. But certainly

one of the absolute worst things we are forced to endure.  Everything else falls to second place and further. 
But smokers top the list destroying our lives. Having our lives and health completely disregarded
by smokers, and by people, overall.  Since homeless have no place to go to get away

from smokers, it matters not where we go, because smokers are everywhere

and growing in numbers more and more.

If you need to go to the store for any necessity, smokers are right at the door, they stand

right outside the door, while their nasty habit fills the store and you are forced to walk through the
cloudy fumes of their habit, leaving it clinging to you…. I would love to live and be able to breathe
fresh, clean air…. But there is no clean fresh air, with so many smokers the world over.

Breathing becomes another challenge to endure. But just another day to endure on the streets.

So the toll of living on the streets is multi-fold. Everyday, the toll rises higher, and the challenges become
greater the longer you are forced to live without the substance of life. 

As Life becomes nothing more than a moot point of existence.