A Life in Ruins...

A Life In Ruins….

Life on the streets is a different life altogether. It’s a life that is not a life…..

a mere existence. A life without a real home, without the bare necessities,

without privacy, without friendships. There are no home cooked meals,

no hot showers or hot water, no connections, no substance.

Life literally becomes devoid of all meaning.

When you are denied a real physical residence, you are denied

your resident status, and no longer seen or viewed as a

resident of any place, nor a citizen, since not having a home

cancels out and negates your rights in every regard,

according to all the police officers telling you so in their "City Ordinances”.

You become a resident of everywhere, a citizen of nowhere…

A resident of life… Your very presence, you are told repeatedly, is “illegal”.

Just because of a circumstance you never chose, but forced to endure.

Never was there a time that I imagined to be living on the streets.

Never imagined I would have to spend a single night without a home…..

much less nearly two decades that I have been. Life and time changes

completely when your life is lived on the streets, especially when it was

never by choice, but paying the heavy price from the actions of others.

Time stands still, and becomes a single day that never ends,

like the worst Ground Day ever that becomes your recurrent

nightmare that you can never wake from.

Yet, years fly by without notice, what feels like minutes, at most.

Life…. The meaning of which is suspended, if there at all.

Finding meaning or purpose in life, when you are denied your existence….

.your rights, eliminated.

Because I have been denied real sleep, hot nutritious meals….

Hot water to bathe in; The excessive fluid build up and swelling

increases exponentially, and it has taken a harder toll on my digestive

tract and organs…. Being denied the sustaining force of life.

And it clouds my life, in every regard.

Added to the debris of life….. or the lack thereof.

This is truly the worst time to be alive. Being talked about

everywhere I go, being video taped and video monitored every damned

moment of every day. And now jerks taking to spying on me using

their drones, where they come right over, and hover directly above me,

watching my every move. That is truly unsettling having a

drone follow your every move even into the restroom,

while it circles the windows all around.

Just not a good time to be present. Makes for a very unpleasant

experience all around. Fully exposed and on public display 24/7….

constantly under surveillance, yet entirely non-existent

in terms of receiving assistance and companionship.

A life forced into the streets and the after affects of having to merely

exist along the seams of Humanity… Life disintegrating all around me…

the most damaging and harmful things on the planet; people.

The worst things I have ever encountered, with a few rare exceptions.

And my body bringing about an ever-greater devastation….

The valve that is supposed to hold and stop bladder leakage,

has stopped working entirely, if it has ever worked at all.

Now, it just releases whenever it chooses and I don’t know about it

until it is already mid-stream and I feel it spreading across and

down my legs…..and not to mention the excruciating burning

that has taken pain to an all new level that is truly life destroying.

I cannot absorb this pain…. It grossly interferes with every

aspect of my life, including every breath I take.

Life is interfering with living.