A
Life In Ruins….
Life on the streets is a
different life altogether. It’s a life that is not a life…..
a mere existence. A life
without a real home, without the bare necessities,
without privacy, without
friendships. There are no home cooked meals,
no hot showers or hot water,
no connections, no substance.
Life literally becomes devoid
of all meaning.
When you are denied a real
physical residence, you are denied
your resident status, and no
longer seen or viewed as a
resident of any place, nor a
citizen, since not having a home
cancels out and negates your
rights in every regard,
according to all the police
officers telling you so in their "City Ordinances”.
You become a resident of
everywhere, a citizen of nowhere…
A resident of life… Your
very presence, you are told repeatedly, is “illegal”.
Just because of a
circumstance you never chose, but forced to endure.
Never was there a time that I
imagined to be living on the streets.
Never imagined I would have
to spend a single night without a home…..
much less nearly two decades
that I have been. Life and time changes
completely when your life is
lived on the streets, especially when it was
never by choice, but paying
the heavy price from the actions of others.
Time stands still, and
becomes a single day that never ends,
like the worst Ground Day
ever that becomes your recurrent
nightmare that you can never
wake from.
Yet, years fly by without
notice, what feels like minutes, at most.
Life…. The meaning of which
is suspended, if there at all.
Finding meaning or purpose in
life, when you are denied your existence….
.your rights, eliminated.
Because I have been denied
real sleep, hot nutritious meals….
Hot water to bathe in; The
excessive fluid build up and swelling
increases exponentially, and
it has taken a harder toll on my digestive
tract and organs…. Being
denied the sustaining force of life.
And it clouds my life, in
every regard.
Added to the debris of
life….. or the lack thereof.
This is truly the worst time
to be alive. Being talked about
everywhere I go, being video
taped and video monitored every damned
moment of every day. And now
jerks taking to spying on me using
their drones, where they come
right over, and hover directly above me,
watching my every move. That
is truly unsettling having a
drone follow your every move
even into the restroom,
while it circles the windows
all around.
Just not a good time to be
present. Makes for a very unpleasant
experience all around. Fully
exposed and on public display 24/7….
constantly under
surveillance, yet entirely non-existent
in terms of receiving
assistance and companionship.
A life forced into the
streets and the after affects of having to merely
exist along the seams of
Humanity… Life disintegrating all around me…
the most damaging and harmful
things on the planet; people.
The worst things I have ever
encountered, with a few rare exceptions.
And my body bringing about an
ever-greater devastation….
The valve that is supposed to
hold and stop bladder leakage,
has stopped working entirely,
if it has ever worked at all.
Now, it just releases
whenever it chooses and I don’t know about it
until it is already
mid-stream and I feel it spreading across and
down my legs…..and not to
mention the excruciating burning
that has taken pain to an all
new level that is truly life destroying.
I cannot absorb this pain….
It grossly interferes with every
aspect of my life, including
every breath I take.
Life is interfering with
living.
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