Thanksgiving 2016

Thanksgiving on the Streets....

Another Fall Day on the streets. 

Thanksgiving Day once more on the streets...
making this my 17th one without a home....and still outside.

When you live on the streets without the comforts a home affords,

 not to mention the warmth and safety; it becomes 

just another day, only more challenging with it being 

a Holiday, and finding places to clean up or use the restroom,

 turn into adventures unto themselves.  

It's a mixed blessing to still be alive and breathing on this day.  

Facing another day on the streets is never an easy task,

 and the longer I am forced to be out here, merely existing

 along the periphery of life, the more it puts a heaviness

 on my heart, the weight of which brings you

 to depths that have no end.

How does one live a life filled with Joy, Love, Excitement, 

and Happiness, when 

these things have never existed to be begin with in their life?

How do you live a life of meaning, have your life filled with purpose,

 when your very existence is barely tolerated, but not allowed

 to be present wherever you are?

A million questions fill my thoughts, my heart....

And still no answers.

I have seen and experienced the worst of life, 

the worst of humanity, as they have repeatedly shown me 

the underside of any good....

There isn't any rude comment, ignorant remark,

 horrible action that I have not been 

subjected to a million times over. 

 I know what true Hell is. 

 I have lived it since birth.

Lived in it, Lived through it, 

and continually immersed within it.

Whatever happened to the "Golden Rule".... Do Unto Others, 

As You Would Have Others Do Unto You?  I have never 

treated others in the way they have been toward me, yet they 

feel it necessary to be as mean and cruel as possible to me for just being present. 

 I am not hurting anyone, not doing anything wrong, or illegal.  Just minding my

 own business, and then they are in my business; calling me names, giving me

 nasty, disgusted looks, calling the cops on me....

 just for being present.

Being laughed at, cruelly mocked, made fun of, ridiculed, and criticized for

 moving in a way they find unacceptable and insist cannot be real.  They are 

beyond cruel.  Being accused of "faking" the way my knees buckle and

 fold with every step I take, every moment of the day where I have the

 unfortunate experience of having to be around people at all, no matter where I go.

Is it no wonder that I absolutely dread having to be anywhere where 

people are.  I dread having to go to the store for food,

 or other necessary items, I hate going to the park where people are

 present, as they video tape the way I walk... 

while laughing their asses off as they do so.  I truly despise having to go

 or be anywhere anymore where people are present, knowing that my every 

move is being watched, commented loudly on, and the 

unwelcome audience my walking brings forth. 

 It is not something you ever get used to.  

And it is really turning me off from being 

around people, in any regard.  Knowing all the comments, 

and remarks that ensue with my every movement.

It wears on you in ways you can never imagine when you

 are not the one on the continual receiving end.

So I am truly Thankful that I have not turned into the kind of person who does

 this to others....Tearing others apart through words and actions.  

And I am thankful to have my stack of books and notebook that keep me 

company in the park on this Thanksgiving Day!