Thursday, September 1, 2016

16 Solid Years.....Another Anniversary of the Barest Existence

An Anniversary of Lifetimes…..on the Streets



I have experienced many anniversaries in my life….. none of which have 
been much to celebrate.  They have included death in many folds, assaults, 
car accidents, and so much more…..   not including the endless anniversaries 
of seeing first one year, then two, three, and on through a full sixteen years now
 being forced to live, or rather merely exist, on the streets.  Around the edges 
and seams of society.  This is not an anniversary to look forward to …… 
Not one I am looking forward to--  16 years of having no home, no place to store, 
prepare, or cook my meals…. But rather having to fully rely on prepared foods,
 which is quite costly. 

And when you have little means to eat, or even the 
barest of necessities of life…it makes that all but impossible when 
you have to purchase food everyday.   Food prices have increased by such a 
huge amount, it makes it truly impossible to eat with any regularity, 
much less healthily and nourishing.   

Meals consist of whatever you have to eat…. Pieces of bread, a slice of fruit, rarely do 
you actually eat a real meal, in any sense of the word when you live on the street.  
I can literally count on one hand how many real meals I have had in 
the time I have spent on the streets…..    and the thing is, 
when your body is continually deprived of the nutrients and
 food it needs in order to survive and thrive, you find that even a couple 
bites of food makes you overly full and unable 
to eat any more.  Then the other factors that most take for granted…..   
sleeping in real beds, that is not something that you have
 when you live outside, and you cannot sleep whenever 
you need to, but wherever you can, as you are forced 
to “make home” wherever you happen to 
be at any given point. 

 Also, when people think nothing of going into their own bathrooms to 
do their very private business…. That is not something you are afforded outside.  
You have to rely fully on public restrooms, and more often than not, the restrooms are closed.  Instead, you are wide open and in full view of the world.  You have no privacy of 
even the most intimate things you need to take care of.   This poses even more issues when you are female and forced to live outside.  There is so much people take for granted, until that is no longer there.  Your life is not yours to do whatever you want whenever you want when you live on the streets, but rather your life is dictated on what you can do, when and how.  

Life on the streets …. Where does one begin……    your guard is always up, you become 
wary of everyone.  Life becomes one of pure survival…..    co-habitating with nature.   
Every moment of your life being monitored just for being present, and always under a
 full audience, no matter what it is you need to do.   At times, you find people actually 
video-taping you because you move in a manner they find so extremely hilarious.  
When you are physically challenged but move in a way that they don’t like, or accept, 
and is well beyond their comprehension, it’s easier to make fun of and laugh at someone, 
instead of taking the time to understand why they move the way they do (which was by 
and through the direct result of others’ actions against me).   I can only hope and pray 
that at some point they receive their own ignorance measured back to them in full. 
To be on the receiving end of their ugliness that they have 
readily dished out toward me for decades.

Another anniversary living on the streets….  This is my 16th anniversary of
 being outside, deprived and denied a real home, being repeatedly denied the assistance 
I need and going into my 17th Holiday and Winter Season.  Living outside indefinitely 
wears on you heavily, and you try finding something, anything, to give you
 something to look forward to. 


Yet, another anniversary that came about yesterday, 8/31, happened 4 years ago 
when I walked away from something that should have killed me on impact.  
Still feel the physical infusion from that impact, but I should not be here…..   
seems my entire life there have been series of just that very thing.   Been through hell, 
dragged through the nightmares, and still pushing forward, to what end???    No idea at all.  
Wishing I knew the reason I am here, to serve what purpose, really….. when there is no 
purpose or meaning in life on the streets.  Nothing of substance …and your presence 
becomes more of an afterthought, than being acknowledged
 as a living, feeling, breathing sentient being…

A Lifetime of endless anniversaries to endure……  



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