An Anniversary of Lifetimes…..on the Streets
I have experienced many anniversaries in my life….. none of
which have
been much to celebrate. They
have included death in many folds, assaults,
car accidents, and so much
more….. not including the endless
anniversaries
of seeing first one year, then two, three, and on through a full
sixteen years now
being forced to live, or rather merely exist, on the
streets. Around the edges
and seams of society. This is not an anniversary to
look forward to ……
Not one I am looking
forward to-- 16 years of having no home,
no place to store,
prepare, or cook my meals…. But rather having to fully rely
on prepared foods,
which is quite costly.
And when you have little means to eat, or even the
barest of necessities
of life…it makes that all but impossible when
you have to purchase food
everyday. Food prices have increased by
such a
huge amount, it makes it truly impossible to eat with any regularity,
much less healthily and nourishing.
Meals consist of whatever you have to eat….
Pieces of bread, a slice of fruit, rarely do
you actually eat a real meal, in
any sense of the word when you live on the street.
I can literally count on one hand how many
real meals I have had in
the time I have spent on the streets….. and the thing is,
when your body is continually deprived of the nutrients and
food it needs in order to survive and
thrive, you find that even a couple
bites of food makes you overly full and
unable
to eat any more. Then the other
factors that most take for granted…..
sleeping in real beds, that is not something that you have
when you live
outside, and you cannot sleep whenever
you need to, but wherever you can, as
you are forced
to “make home” wherever you happen to
be at any given point.
Also, when people think nothing of going into their own bathrooms to
do their
very private business…. That is not something you are afforded outside.
You have to rely fully on public restrooms,
and more often than not, the restrooms are closed. Instead, you are wide open and in full view
of the world. You have no privacy of
even the most intimate things you need to take care of. This poses even more issues when you are
female and forced to live outside. There
is so much people take for granted, until that is no longer there. Your life is not yours to do whatever you
want whenever you want when you live on the streets, but rather your life is
dictated on what you can do, when and how.
Life on the streets …. Where does one begin…… your guard is always up, you become
wary of
everyone. Life becomes one of pure
survival….. co-habitating with
nature.
Every moment of your life being monitored just
for being present, and always under a
full audience, no matter what it is you
need to do. At times, you find people
actually
video-taping you because you move in a manner they find so extremely
hilarious.
When you are physically challenged
but move in a way that they don’t like, or accept,
and is well beyond their
comprehension, it’s easier to make fun of and laugh at someone,
instead of
taking the time to understand why they move the way they do (which was by
and
through the direct result of others’ actions against me). I can only hope and pray
that at some point
they receive their own ignorance measured back to them in full.
To be on the receiving end of their ugliness
that they have
readily dished out toward me for decades.
Another anniversary living on the streets…. This is my 16th anniversary of
being outside, deprived and denied a real home, being repeatedly denied the
assistance
I need and going into my 17th Holiday and Winter
Season. Living outside indefinitely
wears on you heavily, and you try finding something, anything, to give you
something to look forward to.
Yet, another anniversary that came about
yesterday, 8/31, happened 4 years ago
when I walked away from something that
should have killed me on impact.
Still
feel the physical infusion from that impact, but I should not be here…..
seems my entire life there have been series
of just that very thing. Been through
hell,
dragged through the nightmares, and still pushing forward, to what
end??? No idea at all.
Wishing I knew the reason I am here, to serve
what purpose, really….. when there is no
purpose or meaning in life on the
streets. Nothing of substance …and your
presence
becomes more of an afterthought, than being acknowledged
as a living, feeling, breathing sentient being…
A Lifetime of endless anniversaries to endure……
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