My 14th Thanksgiving and Holiday Season and winter being forced to live, breathe, and exist, in whatever capacity that may be, on the streets.... Though there are so many things I am truly grateful for, and thankful to have, to be, and so much more, being forced to live on the streets, year after endless year, takes so much away from you, in every regard. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.. the heavy, deep toll it takes on you heart, body, mind and soul.... the very essence of your being. I still find myself longing for a home, a real home where I can fully just BE... having a place to prepare and store foods, cooking real food and being able to eat with regularity, being able to bathe in my OWN bathroom, where all the private details of my life are not fully displayed, time and again, out on the huge screen of society; having an actual bed to sleep in, and get the much needed, yet deprived rest my body needs. Everything I do, everywhere I go, whatever I do or have done to try changing things, have not been successful, and ends up pulling me further down into an abyss that has no end.... then being met with sharper and sharper ridicule and criticism for being out here. Turning me more away from life, and people, than pulling me toward it.
Thanksgiving is supposed to be spent around people who care about you, and you them... yet, once again, I find myself alone, on the streets, every placed closed and no place to be, or go. Spending another Thanksgiving in the park, reading. Never once being invited anywhere, to join anyone in giving thanks, or the nourishing foods that will soon be enjoyed... I often wonder what it would be like, what it would feel like to actually be included to be part of something, instead of cast to the wayside like a piece of trash.
This is not a time of year I look forward to, especially when you have no one around to share your day or thoughts with. It brings new meaning to thanksgiving...
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