It's been quite a while since I have posted anything. Though I have been writing endlessly for what seems like forever-- so much on my heart, in my thoughts that writing has been my only outlet and the only one I could ever truly talk with, no judgments, false assumptions, harsh criticism and ridicule-- just open and accepting me for who I am. After more than 9 years, I still find myself on the cold hard streets and endless array of cold indifference thrown my way because my life doesn't fit the comfort zones of most people, so they take all that out on me and insist I have to be doing 'something' wrong, because they see all these drug addicts, junkies and alcoholics being paid every month to support their habits, habits I have never been inclined to even try, much less ruin my life with-- it wears on you, time and again being on the receiving end of all their crap. I'm the one forced to live out here. Never once has anyone stood in my shoes, much less walked any distance in them, but are real quick to judge what they do not understand. Making assumptions without the facts behind them. So I write, and I write and I write some more. The animals are what really keep me going, accepting me for who I am, as I am. Bring unconditional love to my life, not something most people are able to do. My experience with others, for the most part, has been by condition only-- we will love you if you act, talk and perform as we believe you should. So I find solace in Nature and her beautiful creatures. This is my 10th Holiday season on the streets, nowhere to go, and literally stuck wherever I find myself on Christmas Eve, until the following Monday, Dec. 28th-- no bus service on Holidays or weekends, which makes it even more of a challenge when you are forced to live on the streets.
I'm sitting in the library at the moment as I write this, my rare access I have online is through the library-- very restrictive and limiting, at best. But having it is better than not, I suppose.
This is the time of year to spend in the embrace of family and friends-- and here I am spending it alone on the streets, once more with no one to share it with. I have come to almost dread this time of year... being out in the elements, harsh, cold, and uninviting-- whatever happened to First DO NO Harm? When this is the first thing done when you are forced to live your life on the streets. Never thought I would have to endure a single moment on the streets, much less several years. And people insisting "I have to be out here by personal choice, because there is just sooooooo much help available". Yeah, right-- so much help as long as you fit into the narrow minded categories that the state and country impose on you -- drugs, alcohol, tobacco-- as long as you have an addiction, or use something in excess, they have plenty of so-called help. But when you do not fit the mold, you find quickly that help is nowhere to be found.
And being physically challenged only adds to the fun. I immerse myself in books, prayer, meditation and writing, and letting Nature fill my heart and soul with her songs filled with Hope and Love-- something the animals I am so very blessed to have in my life, share so openly with me.
2009 has been one of the worst years I have experienced in every regard, I'm looking forward to this year coming to an end and erasing it from my heart, mind and soul.
